Who here is post op and had issues with men, (or women:) ) not wanting them because of there weight. Do you you do online dating now/before surgery? Are you having more luck now? What are you telling dates? Thanks:)

Suzy, that's a good one! I don't think I would have agreed to go ....

I've been to walmart on dates lol. I need to write a book about my online dating

heres my online dating story pre-pre WLS

centuries ago i was married for 8 years

at one time my ex went to my parents commenting on how he wasn't happy with "stuff" because i was getting heavier and heavier!!!! (my parents told me years after the fact)

fast forward 8 years i was divorced with a beautiful 5 year old daughter

we moved in with my parents

mom and dad bought me a membership with a dating service (something underlying in that, but thats ok)

bunch of duds that weren't interested in even trying to get to know a "fluffier" type of girl

i was supposed to meet one guy for a drink and dinner

we met for a drink and he said "oh i think i'll skip dinner, i ate a lot before i came!!!

in otherwords kathy, get lost!!!

met a wonderful guy from online dating a few months later

he was a youngun - i was 38 and he was ONLY 35!!!!LOL

we've been married 21 wonderful years

22 altogether, but 21 happily

DH hates it when i say that silly joke

btw - hubby was heavy when we met - still is (he doesn't have any plans to change)

the thing about real love - you do/are supposed to love unconditionally

whatever size you were or are

this is my story and i'm sticking to it

kathy

Edited May 15, 201412 yr by proudgrammy

Love your story Kathy. I too met my DH online. For me the key was not agreeing to meet for awhile. Delayed gratification got rid of all the guys just looking for a fling. Plus it gave my guy and I a chance to know each other via email and calling first- just old fashion talking. I think too many people rush into things, saying that they must know right away if there is a spark. We're now on 9 years together.

I love these stories!

I didn't have issues with attracting men after my first marriage went south. In fact I had some friends of my ex asking me out before we were divorced. I said no to most of them.

I found that everyone has their type and honestly I knew deep down I was going to lose weight come hell or high Water so I really didn't want to date anyone who wasn't on the same path to health.

I did have some funny experiences with online dating. I used to have younger men contact me on MySpace asking me out. No idea why, they were like ten years younger than me. I just said no.

And I met my husband online. I actually didn't want to wait to long to meet because I was afraid we would build it up and then something might be off when we met in person. I didn't want to waste time and get hurt.

We got engaged six months after our first date.

I wish I could be a matchmaker and help everyone find love.

As much as I know how important it is to have a partner who loves and supports us, I still can't help but to feel like we don't need to search for this support if we don't already have it. I believe that if you are single, then be single for a while. This is a huge change and not just in your appearance. Take some time to discover the you that had been hiding for so long. Your taste in partners might even change through this discovery. I know that this change is hard on your own, but remember that it is for YOU!

I myself am in a poly, relationship. My primary has been on the fence about my surgery at best. He tries to stay positive around me, but I know how much he is really against my choice. It finally took me saying that there is no other option this is happening! For him to quiet down about it.

I think that because he is so torn about his personal beliefs and his desire to support me it has put a wedge between us. Not a big one, but it's hard to talk to your partner about something that is so important when you know there are conflicting feelings.

Overall, I tend to keep my mind open for more romantic relationships, but since the start of this journey, I have noticed that I don't pursue people nearly as much. Maybe because life is already to crazy, maybe because I want to figure out which partners will fit me after I lose half my weight.

It is all scary, and of course there are a thousand other factors. Overall I believe that I you have care and love for yourself, it is much easier to convince someone else to care and love you too.

Gotta believe in the product you are promoting!

Dylan

Ugh. I am hating everything about dating!! I am 6 months post, and down 90lbs. I still have about 80lbs to go, but I'm already feeling amazing. I have been on eharmony for a few months now, but not really getting anywhere. I know that I have a lot to offer, and it is frustrating that no one is willing to give me a chance to show that.

Ugh. I am hating everything about dating!! I am 6 months post, and down 90lbs. I still have about 80lbs to go, but I'm already feeling amazing. I have been on eharmony for a few months now, but not really getting anywhere. I know that I have a lot to offer, and it is frustrating that no one is willing to give me a chance to show that.

I hated eharmony. If it's not working try something else.

I am 3.5 months post op. I can't believe how much my confidence skyrocketed in the first month or so after surgery. I had been doing online dating for a while but had been single for 3 years. A month and a half after my surgery I met a wonderful guy who is now my boyfriend. I started a thread about my fears of eventually having to tell him about the surgery. A week after starting the thread he asked about my scars and I lied. The guilt was killing me and so I came clean and this amazing guy took it in stride. So I am on cloud nine now and want to play matchmaker for all my single friends so they can be happy too

Renee, are your pictures current and highlighting your new found confidence ? Try okcupid, it's free and not nearly as much of a hookup site like PoF.

My dating experience is limited to online dating. I'm embarrassed, but love is love as they say. I've only dated 2 guys. I was a pig. I dated an I Dian guy who was sweet, but told me flat out weblike never be serious. Family would not approve, I'm white, too old, eat animal protein etc. I'm on match but gosh, like someone said a lot of guys saying go cubs or holding a bass fish& I'm more of a good film, good food, no knuckle dragging girl. I'm still looking at 31 yrs old.

My dating experience is limited to online dating. I'm embarrassed, but love is love as they say. I've only dated 2 guys. I was a pig. I dated an I Dian guy who was sweet, but told me flat out weblike never be serious. Family would not approve, I'm white, too old, eat animal protein etc. I'm on match but gosh, like someone said a lot of guys saying go cubs or holding a bass fish& I'm more of a good film, good food, no knuckle dragging girl. I'm still looking at 31 yrs old.

I signed on to Ourtime (50+) because 20yos kept hitting on me. I found three guys with their damn fish...that I knew. The exs friends. Awkward. Put the damn fish down. Youre trying to impress a girl not a buddy. I wont even discuss the harley boys.

My experience was that the nicest guys I met were from POF. and you have to be willing to overlook all the damned hooked fish photos. The worst guy I met (liar,fake,complete player)was from match. I never tried eharmony. Where I live women outnumber men and that is very true on match.

I think what works best is to have a hidden profile on POD and then contact the guys that interest YOU. Otherwise you get all theses "what's up" emails from people you would never consider. I get the out of state or many years older than me or otherwise "no way"

I got jaded on this process but I am seriously open to a real relationship now so it will happen eventually.

Hey what if they are wonderful guys who have no other pics of themselves? I know it looks gross but woukd you reject a guy because he likes to fish? I say give them a chance. Same thing with the bikes. It's better than a bathroom selfie or a deer in headlights webcam shot!

Oh, and I LOOK for the guys on mountain bikes, motorcycles, boats or other evidence they get off the sofa and turn off the TV sometimes..haha!

The hooked fish is supposed to be funny and I would say about 40% of the guys on Plenty of Fish have a pic to illustrate the joke. What I guess they don't realize since they don't see other male profiles of just how tired that joke is.

I don't see other women's profiles so I have no idea what they typically look like. I have "heard" they are often negative though - like mentioning all the things they don't want. It is easy to go negative after some of the fakers experience.

I recently met someone - who knows if it will go anywhere - but it was refreshing that he seems to be exactly what his profile said he is. I told him that, just how pleased that makes me to meet an authentic person and he felt the same about me. What he said is that the online sites are both "silly" and necessary since what a great way to meet compatible people that are in your geographical area. The silly is all the misrepresentation and basically people that seem to play on those sites like it is facebook or something - like they don't seem to be seriously seeking what they claim to be seeking... For example, corresponding with a guy who claims to be seeking a potential wife and by the second email is asking me sex questions. Yeah, right. Anyway, it takes patience and willingness to sort through the duds. For me, the answer is to take it really really slow since I have come to believe that a sizable percentage of guys on these sites are just looking for hookups and lie about their intentions (among other things misrepresented). Or maybe it is just the ones that contact me..haha.... which is why I have done better with the hidden profile and I contact them and I just find a better pool of candidates that way.