Who here is post op and had issues with men, (or women:) ) not wanting them because of there weight. Do you you do online dating now/before surgery? Are you having more luck now? What are you telling dates? Thanks:)

I met husband on big beautiful people meet.com 5 years ago. Generally You go through a lot of duds before you get a stud:). There are all types of people not just chubby chasers. Just be truthful in your profile about your weight loss journey. Too bad there is not a online dating website for banders and other WLS folks. Good luck to you

Recently rejoined eharmony. I have been single for 14 years. Focused on raising my kids. Now they are mostly grown. I am 36 lbs from goal weight and my self esteem has increased by a million. I dress Nicely again and wear makeup and do my hair nice. I still have a hard time finding men. Not desperate but would sure like to find a decent guy.

I am pre op (surgery next month) and ive put dating off for a bit. When I get settled ,I am going to join match.com

I met my husband at a bowling alley. I was there with friends, and he was there with co-workers. I told one of my male friends not to sit next to me, I didn't want the good looking guy to think I was taken. LOL Turns out my guy friend had worked with the guys I pointed to, and walked over to talk to them. I wanted to crawl under the table, as my bff has no brain to mouth filter (why we are besties) and I had no clue what he was saying. He pointed my direction, and I lifted the drink menu over my face like I was soooooo interested in the beer specials. What he was actually doing was showing them where were were sitting. When they finished their "team building exercise" several of them joined us on our lane for the next few hours of bowling, drinking and just a general good time. 3 of those guys asked for my number, only one was interested the other 2 were planning on telling him I had asked them to pass the # on to him. He called me a few days later and we started seeing each other for odd dates, I worked nights and he did daytime retail management, so time was limited. This was in Feb of 2000, I got hurt at work in late April, and he very kindly offered to come and sleep on the sofa and help take care of me. When I returned to work 6 weeks later, I asked if he was leaving or if he wanted a key. He took the key, and a few weeks later told me that we needed to talk. I thought for sure he was moving out and breaking up with me. He told me that he had never seen me wear jewelry so he didn't know my taste, he got down on one knee and proposed. We were married that Oct, in a bowling Alley (where else?) and have been together for 14 years this year. He's not a knight in shining armor, but he's also not a retard in a tin foil hat either. He is the father of my only child, my best friend, and the one person that I never have to doubt when it comes to having my back. Like Forest Gump says "we are like peas and carrots" he has always dated bigger girls, so I was a little worried when I started getting thinner. Just a few weeks ago he told me that I look amazing, and he is proud of my weight loss, and the fact that I did this to get healthy for myself, and our family.

I said all of that to say this, I had planned to get a few beers and bowl a few games with my friends that night and met my future husband. I wasn't looking for anyone and he just dropped into my life. Sometimes the dating sites, looking too hard makes you walk past the one that you should have seen. Best of luck to those getting back into the dating scene.

I met my husband at a bowling alley. I was there with friends, and he was there with co-workers. I told one of my male friends not to sit next to me, I didn't want the good looking guy to think I was taken. LOL Turns out my guy friend had worked with the guys I pointed to, and walked over to talk to them. I wanted to crawl under the table, as my bff has no brain to mouth filter (why we are besties) and I had no clue what he was saying. He pointed my direction, and I lifted the drink menu over my face like I was soooooo interested in the beer specials. What he was actually doing was showing them where were were sitting. When they finished their "team building exercise" several of them joined us on our lane for the next few hours of bowling, drinking and just a general good time. 3 of those guys asked for my number, only one was interested the other 2 were planning on telling him I had asked them to pass the # on to him. He called me a few days later and we started seeing each other for odd dates, I worked nights and he did daytime retail management, so time was limited. This was in Feb of 2000, I got hurt at work in late April, and he very kindly offered to come and sleep on the sofa and help take care of me. When I returned to work 6 weeks later, I asked if he was leaving or if he wanted a key. He took the key, and a few weeks later told me that we needed to talk. I thought for sure he was moving out and breaking up with me. He told me that he had never seen me wear jewelry so he didn't know my taste, he got down on one knee and proposed. We were married that Oct, in a bowling Alley (where else?) and have been together for 14 years this year. He's not a knight in shining armor, but he's also not a retard in a tin foil hat either. He is the father of my only child, my best friend, and the one person that I never have to doubt when it comes to having my back. Like Forest Gump says "we are like peas and carrots" he has always dated bigger girls, so I was a little worried when I started getting thinner. Just a few weeks ago he told me that I look amazing, and he is proud of my weight loss, and the fact that I did this to get healthy for myself, and our family.

I said all of that to say this, I had planned to get a few beers and bowl a few games with my friends that night and met my future husband. I wasn't looking for anyone and he just dropped into my life. Sometimes the dating sites, looking too hard makes you walk past the one that you should have seen. Best of luck to those getting back into the dating scene.

Loved ur bowling alley story. Hubby and I are bowlers and it's actually where he proposed to me almost 3 yrs ago. I accidently took his turn and we were tied. He took that as his cue (knew it was coming at some point as we had just picked up my ring at the jewelers a few days before) and got down on one knee, right there at the score keeping board! Everyone clapped and the desk announced "She said yes!" over the loudspeaker.

Been married for 2 1/2 yrs now. Rarely bowl anymore. Just got boring to us I guess... Loved ur story! Congrats!

After my wedding to an abusive man was cancelled three days before it was set to happen, I spent the next five years desperate for love. I tried meeting guys in person, plus I did speed dating,Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and Match.com (twice). I met my husband on Match two years ago.

My experience with online dating is yes, full of rejection. Of all the sites, eHarmony was the worse because there were 5 phases you had to go through before you could do open communication (email back and forth freely) and I used to get to phase 3,4 and sometimes 5 with a guy, then I'd never hear from the guy again or he'd close communication without an explanation.

I was 190lbs at the time (not skinny, but not fat either) but it made me feel so ugly and unwanted. I got really sad and stopped using the site.

It was the same with Match that first time, but think my lack of success there was because eHarmony gave me a complex and i was bitter. I can't remember what all it said, but I was pretty bitter, sarcastic and EXTREMELY specific of the guy I wanted and not open minded. My heart was broken from my last break up and being rejected from eHarmony.

I gave up online dating for two years, during which time i got in a relationship with a nice enough guy (but not the right guy), tried to get back with my ex, broke up with nice enough guy, and speed dated and went to bars with my single, bitter friend.

Then I decided to give Match one more try. I went in not expecting to meet anyone special, but to get more practice interacting with men since I'm so shy.

I think because I went into Match the second time with a positive attitude and not much expectation to meet "the One" I had a lot more success. My profile was short and light hearted and even though I was between 220 - 225lbs, i got a lot of winks and maybe 5 - 7 messages a week.

There were still quite a few duds and about 3 weeks in, I got a message from a guy who kind of pissed me off because i had stated in my criteria that I was looking for a man between the ages of 27 - 40 and this guy was only 25 (i was 28 and didn't want an immature young guy or some guy to think because I was older than him I should be Godly thankful for his time and be his sugar mama)

The old me would've written him off, but i decided to at least look at his profile. I liked what I saw, so I messaged him back.

He said he was turning 26 in a month, which, still felt too young, but he was interesting to talk to, so we kept chatting.

That guy became my best friend and then husband.

EDIT: maybe we can start a single and looking section on here. Even though i love my husband, if we weren't together i think i would have liked to date another WLS guy because they'd be Ble to understand what i'm going through.

Edited May 9, 201412 yr by Comfy_Blue

After my wedding to an abusive man was cancelled three days before it was set to happen, I spent the next five years desperate for love. I tried meeting guys in person, plus I did speed dating,Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and Match.com (twice). I met my husband on Match two years ago.

My experience with online dating is yes, full of rejection. Of all the sites, eHarmony was the worse because there were 5 phases you had to go through before you could do open communication (email back and forth freely) and I used to get to phase 3,4 and sometimes 5 with a guy, then I'd never hear from the guy again or he'd close communication without an explanation.

I was 190lbs at the time (not skinny, but not fat either) but it made me feel so ugly and unwanted. I got really sad and stopped using the site.

It was the same with Match that first time, but think my lack of success there was because eHarmony gave me a complex and i was bitter. I can't remember what all it said, but I was pretty bitter, sarcastic and EXTREMELY specific of the guy I wanted and not open minded. My heart was broken from my last break up and being rejected from eHarmony.

I gave up online dating for two years, during which time i got in a relationship with a nice enough guy (but not the right guy), tried to get back with my ex, broke up with nice enough guy, and speed dated and went to bars with my single, bitter friend.

Then I decided to give Match one more try. I went in not expecting to meet anyone special, but to get more practice interacting with men since I'm so shy.

I think because I went into Match the second time with a positive attitude and not much expectation to meet "the One" I had a lot more success. My profile was short and light hearted and even though I was between 220 - 225lbs, i got a lot of winks and maybe 5 - 7 messages a week.

There were still quite a few duds and about 3 weeks in, I got a message from a guy who kind of pissed me off because i had stated in my criteria that I was looking for a man between the ages of 27 - 40 and this guy was only 25 (i was 28 and didn't want an immature young guy or some guy to think because I was older than him I should be Godly thankful for his time and be his sugar mama)

The old me would've written him off, but i decided to at least look at his profile. I liked what I saw, so I messaged him back.

He said he was turning 26 in a month, which, still felt too young, but he was interesting to talk to, so we kept chatting.

That guy became my best friend and then husband.

EDIT: maybe we can start a single and looking section on here. Even though i love my husband, if we weren't together i think i would have liked to date another WLS guy because they'd be Ble to understand what i'm going through.

Great idea! I would be up for it

One of life's many ironies is that although I am normal body weight, and am photogenic enough to get lots of "hits" on a dating website... have a light profile etc. it is still REALLY hard to meet someone decent much less compatible. I think that at my age (pushing 50) alot of the people really are jaded etc.

Let me tell you what else is weird - I am reasonably attractive, but i don't get asked out by a guy at the grocery store either. Maybe it is the part of the country I live in, but online seems like the only way to meet people in my age group.

I hear ya' Cowgirl... it's harder when it seems like everyone you know is married and all their friends are married... very different scene from 20's or early 30's when there are still a lot of single people around. And I think some of the guys in the 50's area want younger trophy types anyway.

I think it's funny how many guys on the online sites post pictures of their cars or fish they caught or motorcycles... things that other guys would be interested in. Just who are they trying to attract anyway??? lol

I was in a 3.5 yr relationship which ended last year before I started to see my surgeon and unfortunately my ex could not get over me being over weight. He was some what ok with it but knew his family would have an issue with it. He knew I was going through WLS at some point but didn't want to wait cause to him it was all about pleasing his family. Unfortunately Indian culture is all about how the person looks and what the family thinks. We broke up and he got married 2 months later (arrange marriage with a $100k dowry)...and he lives 2 blocks from me. I have not ran I to and don't plan on it but it hurt a lot. Now that I am on the right track to lose the weight, I don't care for him much but care for myself more than anything in this world. I do want to start dating again but I think I will be ready 6 months down the road. Also I am starting a new job as a director which will take up a lot of my time and I will be working out which is my priority over anyone or anything. Once I am ready I will join some local organizations and websites to meet people.

So while I have been learning about WLS, I have only been out about my decision in the last year. I have been in a lovely relationship during this time. I was doing online dating before, I'm not religious so C. Mingle, ect don't interest me. So you would find me on plenty of fish, and okcupid. Both I have had good and bad luck with when I used them. My mother found her life partner after two devorces on okc.

But what I wanted to share, my current partner is close to lucwarm when it comes to my surgery. He loves me very much but can't help to slip on some comment like "just do the diet with out the surgery" this we have talked about over and over about already. I have a feeling that he will NOT Chang his feelings about me when I lose weight, but I worry that I will change my feelings when I lose weight. :/

My two cents.

Lots of frogs to go through

OK -- so this thread inspired me so I signed up on Plenty of Fish... If nothing else, I'm enjoying reading through profiles and looking at pics.

I got 1-2 hits by email and actually ended up meeting a guy Saturday night at a local micro-brewery (probably not the best choice for me because I don't like beer). It was intimidating as all heck but I did it -- put myself out there and had a pretty nice time. Not a love match but pleasant enough to spend an evening with.

Probably will be more fun when I'm down to goal weight and the self confidence is through the roof!

lol

Ginger

I'm 60 years old, have been divorced for many years, and after a few going-nowhere relationships I just quit trying to date. Being at my heaviest during that time was either the chicken or the egg - I don't know which.

A couple of months ago I signed up for LoveAfterWLS.com, but as it happens there aren't any men in Texas signed up there. Yesterday I checked in at that site again, and there still aren't any. So, having heard of PlentyOfFish on this site, I signed up there. I found several interesting profiles within 75 miles of my home, and I messaged back and forth with 3 of the guys. I've already had a telephone conversation with the most interesting one, and we're going to meet later this week. Woot Woot!

For CowgirlJane: My bet is that you intimidate men by being so very good looking. Seriously!

Edited May 13, 201412 yr by JeanZ_RN

Trying to find a soul mate when you are overweight is open to multiple pitfalls. Honestly I find online dating to be similar to a "kid in a candy store." Most guys check in to try a sweet treat and nothing more. They really only want the "perfect" piece with a great wrapper! Never mind the fact that he might be a stale piece of old jerky himself. Ha! Saddest thing of all is the fact that really great, kind, loving, caring, intelligent, gorgeous women are never looked at or considered to be asked out on a date simply because they are overweight. A girl can be a complete "B", be in debt up to her arse, have no education, have 10 kids, been divorced 5 times, and be unemployed and she will be seen as a better choice over a girl who has none of those concerns (let alone all of them).... And instead will be shunned simply because she is overweight. The guy will not even look her way and will never know what he missed! I am not saying any one of those traits I mentioned here are cause to look down on a person..... BUT, being overweight is always the first eliminator! I could simply say to the guy " I may be fat, but you are stupid.... And I can lose weight." But let's face it, the whole dating process for an overweight woman is hurtful, painful, and even lonely at times. Yes, there are a few princes out there, but the warts you get from every frog you meet does put an extreme overload on the self worth, and self confidence that we struggle so hard to maintain. This might be partially true for some overweight men, but I firmly believe that more women are willing to look past such imperfections then there are men who can make claim to that virtue. For me.... Well I am lucky... Been married for 40 years. Yup, he is a prince in every sense of the word. But I gotta ask myself.... I was very young and very petite when I met him. I was 19 and he was 24.... Wonder if he would have even looked my way had I weighed 225 lbs, as I do today. He may have never gotten the chance to get to know me and to share all these wonderful 40 years together simply because being fat did not warrant a second look. Just thinking that I might have missed out on meeting my true soulmate simply because my weight might have stopped him from walking across the room to meet me truly breaks my heat.....Because I know that happens all too often in real life. I see if first hand with my daughters, who are also too heavy to warrant a second look.