I am single and although I am not currently dating/trying to meet someone for a Long term I have over the past nearly a year done some online dating. I have always felt that before someone decides to "see" me he should know my history of obesity and plastics. I don't bring it up on the first or second date, but planned to tell anybody that I really intended to "go" with.

I have a "friend" that I have been seeing quite awhile (no long term potential there) and he told me -without my even asking - that I shouldn't bother mentioning my plastics. He knows everything I had and saw the wounds at 2 and half weeks so is very aware - and now at 3 months tells me he doesn't even notice them. By the time I am 6 or 12 months out the scars will be so faded... in his mind just not relevant. He also knows about my history of obesity and again sorta thinks it is irrelevant for dating. I guess by the time you are really serious with someone you should say something, but in the nearterm, just doesn't seem that important. He tells me I don't look like someone that was ever overweight (whatever THAT means) and since i am quite committed to maintaining fitness just isn't relevant.

I didn't totally agree with him since I like to get stuff out on the table, but I was reflecting that some of the men I met on online dating want to tell me way too much, way too soon and it is a huge turn off. Like, I am more interested in the who that you are now, the dreams you have for your life and the future you are working for then hearing about your bleepity-bleeping ex wife for instance. I was thinking that maybe my friend is right, that it is info that someone should eventually know, if we are really serious, but for a basically dating type relationship it just isn't that important.

i am curious what you other "singles" think about this.

I think you should put it out of your mind the best you can. I am sure it bothers you way more than him.

I once read that women will never achieve equality till the day they can walk down the street with a big gut and bald head and still think they are hot stuff. Yeah, it's a joke but there is some truth. Confidence and self acceptance, self love ARE sexy.

Woohoo BTW!!!

BethinPA, on 17 Feb 2014 - 09:21, said:

Cant wait to hear..Haha

So I made a huge deal out of my excess skin before the nekkid phase. Then he was like....I dunno, women your age,have had kids etc., just look that way. Obviously I had more excess skin than a typical woman but it was clearly a bigger deal in my head than it was in reality.

Well, we got to the nekkid phase this weekend, and the extra skin didn't appear to bother him a bit! It was so hard for me to bite my tongue and not ask him if it bothered him, because I didn't want to plant that seed of thought in his mind. So I'm faking it until I make it in the confidence department!

Oh my gosh I just baptised my computer laughing so hard!!

Cant wait to hear..Haha

So I made a huge deal out of my excess skin before the nekkid phase. Then he was like....I dunno, women your age,have had kids etc., just look that way. Obviously I had more excess skin than a typical woman but it was clearly a bigger deal in my head than it was in reality.

Well, we got to the nekkid phase this weekend, and the extra skin didn't appear to bother him a bit! It was so hard for me to bite my tongue and not ask him if it bothered him, because I didn't want to plant that seed of thought in his mind. So I'm faking it until I make it in the confidence department!

BethinPA, I applaud you!!!! Good for you and thanks for sharing. It gives all of us hope because all too often we lose confidence and sight of all the good things about ourselves when we are overweight. Sometimes it takes a while to regain that....

Your man sounds like he's interested in you, all of you. So keep faking it until your confidence catches up with how he sees you. I still have a Naked Hottie around who thinks I am the bees knees, wrinkles and saggy bits and all :-))))

I think you should put it out of your mind the best you can. I am sure it bothers you way more than him. I once read that women will never achieve equality till the day they can walk down the street with a big gut and bald head and still think they are hot stuff. Yeah, it's a joke but there is some truth. Confidence and self acceptance, self love ARE sexy. Woohoo BTW!!! BethinPA, on 17 Feb 2014 - 09:21, said:

Thanks so much for the support, CGJ!

BethinPA, I applaud you!!!! Good for you and thanks for sharing. It gives all of us hope because all too often we lose confidence and sight of all the good things about ourselves when we are overweight. Sometimes it takes a while to regain that.... Your man sounds like he's interested in you, all of you. So keep faking it until your confidence catches up with how he sees you. I still have a Naked Hottie around who thinks I am the bees knees, wrinkles and saggy bits and all :-))))

Thank you for the support, and thank God for Naked Hotties!!

I never told anyone until we were serious and I have had 2 serious bf's besides the one I am seeing now. I don't have a big skin issue, but I have a lot of restriction, and men don't really like to buy my dinner when I will barely eat. I feel after awhile, I have to tell them, because it's pretty obvious that I can not eat a normal sized meal, even after almost 5 years.

I don't think if I did have a skin issue, that I would say a word if I had already had plastics.