Your diet can be hard after weight loss surgery. You have to give up most junk food and monitor every bite that goes in your mouth. Although many patients have smaller appetites and fill up faster on less food, you can still struggle to make the dietary changes. You can be tempted to slip up, especially when food is around. And that is can be problem with family.

Family food dynamics before surgery might have been a lot easier. You ate the same food, went out together, and did not think much about which foods came into the house. After surgery, you have no choice but to restrict your diet. That is why family diet dynamics change after weight loss surgery.

Food Can Strain Your Family Dynamics

You can have the most loving family in the world, but they may not be your best dieting buddies. They may still want to buy their favorite foods, store them at home, and eat them when they want – even if it means eating them in front of you. These are some of the risks.

• Caving in to these off-limit foods – and derailing your weight loss.
  
• Becoming angry at your loved one(s) – and letting food hurt your relationship.
  
• Banning all non-WLS foods from your home – and causing your loved one to be resentful.
  

How can you avoid these losing situations?

Everyone Needs to Compromise

The answer is compromise. You just went through a life-changing surgery because you struggled with obesity – and food – for years. You are on a strict diet, and cannot afford to have your hard work undone because your family continues to tempt you with high-calorie food. On the other hand, members of your family may feel that they have the right to eat whatever they want, whenever and wherever they want.

You can all compromise and come up with some new household rules. The following suggestions might work for your household, or you can come up with the rules that are best for your situation.

• Family members are permitted to eat fast food meals inside the house, but cannot store leftovers.
  
• Family members can keep certain wrapped snacks at home only if they keep them hidden from you and eat them outside the house, such as at school or work.
  
• Everyone must wrap up and put away leftover foods so that you are not tempted to grab them
  
• Everyone must respect your need to have your kitchen scale, measuring cups and spoons, and storage containers handy and available, not shoved deep into a back closet.
  

Family Members of All Ages Contribute to the Diet Dynamics

Your weight loss surgery affects everyone in your household in a different way, and everyone from young children to teenagers to your spouse contributes to the household’s diet dynamics. Modify your approach to be appropriate for each family member.

Young children – They do not necessarily understand your weight loss surgery or the reasons behind it, and they are unlikely to fully understand why the household’s diet is changing. Luckily, young children are likely to eat what you offer. Offer them the same healthy foods – lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, and nutritious starches – that you make for yourself, and you may be surprised how well they accept them, especially when you are cheerful and positive about it. In addition to serving healthy foods at home and in sack lunches, you can pack a treat for lunch so that they can enjoy it and you are not tempted to eat it.

Teenagers – Teenagers want to be independent. On principle, many of them automatically seem to reject anything that you do. The truth is, though, that they often just don’t want their friends to think that they’re different. If you have teenaged children, keep plenty of healthy snacks on hand and serve healthy foods at meal times. You may be surprised at just how often they choose to “sneak in” the healthy choice instead of opting for junk food! Don’t make a big deal out of it, or the teens will go right back to choosing junk foods. To further allow teens their sense of independence,

An important consideration with teenagers is that they may have their own weight concerns. They may already be overweight, or they may worry that they will one day struggle with their weight just like you did. That’s why it’s important now to allow them to develop healthy eating habits without putting pressure or rigid restrictions on them.

Spouse – You spouse is happiest when you are happy. You would do anything for your spouse. So why can weight loss surgery – which you went through to help you become healthier, happier, and a more capable person – lead to so much tension? Your spouse might not completely support your surgery, especially if he or she has never had a serious weight problem. Also, your spouse may be jealous of your resolve and new lifestyle.

On top of everything else, your spouse might be afraid that of losing the foods that he or she loves, either because you won’t allow them or because he or she eventually will need to accept and confront his or her own weight problem.

You need to have serious discussions of all of these issues and come to an agreement, just like you do in all other parts of your relationship. Let your spouse know that you aren’t changing as a person, but that you are becoming healthier. Let your spouse know that becoming thinner and more energetic will only deepen your love. And, discuss the food. Is your spouse willing to eat what you eat? Are there some treats that your spouse can eat in front of you that you are confident that you will not eat?

Family Meals Post-Weight Loss Surgery

You can have pleasant, healthy family meals even after weight loss surgery. One way is to prepare and eat your own food, while serving the rest of your family what they normally eat. You can all eat together. Even though you are eating less, you will take as long to eat as they will because you need to focus on chewing thoroughly and eating slowly. These are some other suggestions for family meals.

• If you’re the one who makes the meals, you don’t have to make two every night. Once a week, cook your own food and refrigerate or freeze single-serving portions. Eat those at family meals, and cook for your family as usual.
  
• Have a salad bar or other serve-yourself-style meal, such as a burger bar or pasta bar. Include WLS-friendly options as well as everyone’s favorites. Everyone can choose what they want to eat. For example, at a pasta bar, you serve yourself spaghetti squash, grilled chicken, tomato sauce, and salad, while others might choose spaghetti, meat sauce, and breadsticks.
  
• Have a family treat night – can you decide that for one night, they can order in or eat junk, and you will stick to your diet? You might even be able to schedule your family’s treat night on an evening when you work late or you go out with friends so you don’t have to be around the tempting foods.
  
• Make something that’s healthy for everyone, and just serve yourself a little less or skip the starch. You have learned to love lean proteins and veggies, and your family can, too.
  

Weight loss surgery changes a lot, from your body and mind to everything else in your life. Family diet dynamics are no different. With all of the other stress surrounding your new lifestyle, the environment surrounding food in your household can become tenser. With some understanding, communication, and compromise, you can keep everyone happy as you stay on track with your weight loss…and your family just might become healthier in the end!

I do find some adjustments have an easy fix....

For example, when I cook a meal that I serve over rice, I cook white rice and brown rice. Same as with pasta, I cook regular pasta and whole wheat pasta. When I bake potatoes, I bake a few sweet potatoes for me and my husband, and baking potatoes for everyone else. As far as "junk" food, I never bought a lot of it before, so I still don't buy it on a regular basis now. For occasions where I serve chips and dip or guacamole, I now serve Beanitos (ground bean chips) and whole wheat crackers along with the regular chips for my guest. If the kids ever want ice cream, we take them out to get a scoup... That way we don't have a half gallon container in the freezer. We gave up carbonated drinks a year ago. The kids now drink tea or lemonade. While on the road and in need of fast food, we only stop at Wendy's, where I can get a great salad or a cup of chili. The kids can get their burger/French fry fix there at the same time. I thank God I don't have a sabottaging spouse or demanding type kids. My husband joined the gym eight months ago with me, eats whatever I prepare for myself, and benefitted from the changes because he took off 40 pounds this year as a bonus !!!!!

My family is still trying to work this out. I live with and help care for one of my parents. For right now I cook for myself as my food does not interest them. I have slowly gotten both to eat fresh vegetables over the years until my surgery. Now I see a lot of TV dinners......ug!

well, i must say i am lucky with my hub and my WLS. he totally committed to him and i eating better period...he himself has lost 25 pounds and his BP has dropped since we stopped with the high processed snack foods and every day take out.

a WLS patient to me does not have to turn the entire house hold upside down because someone had WLS...better choices/options can be made....and sometimes we just have to say no and learn to say no or eat just a small amount..

this is a lifestyle...learned slowed, accepted as a life long change...eating better quality foods is a trait that can be (learned) but it also must be done for success and better health...we can say we want to lose weight and be healthy but the hardest part is to do..

hub and his friends/family still come over and eat foods....(the yummies stuff) and i can either eat a bit here and there and not fret so much or just eat something else (which is what i do)....and i also prepare more healthy options for everyone..sometimes they notice and sometimes they don't..

great post alex

I have the house full of teens and young adults. Both my husband and I are banded so compromising what we are going to eat is not difficult though we both have our own struggles with food, we are lucky because we can support each other.

Our house hold has changed, in that we now cook most of our meals. We make enough for the "kids" to eat that evening meal with us if they choose. If they choose to opt for the fast food option we are OK with that, but they have to go and get it on their own. (So they usually opt to eat with us, when it comes to spending their own money for what they want it takes the flavor out of it for them )

When we are out at events or family gatherings or if we are hosting either of those we buy and make the foods that everyone loves and add a few healthy items for ourselves, so it's never really an issue.