Not really even sure how to put this because I've never been the whiny type, but while out to dinner on our 16th anniversary (1/17, and he didn't even remember until the day before when I reminded him), from out of the clear blue my spouse tells me that I need to stop talking about my weight loss and when someone asks me how much I've lost I just need to tell them how much better I feel instead of telling them how much I've lost. I've been very open with friends and family, it absolutely was not a secret. Now, he, on the other hand has gained about 30 pounds since my surgery (for which I was blamed... he gained weight because I put too much food on his plate !) I'm wearing HIS jeans now. The ones he can't wear anymore because they're too small. I've gone from a size 26W to a 12 (jeans are 32 inch waist) and now it feels like I'm being told that I should shut my mouth and stop being proud of MY accomplishment because he's tired of hearing it. I've always stated how much better I feel in my conversations with friends, even after the first 20 pounds were gone. Funny, but he's never heard me say it according to him. I was so stunned and hurt I couldn't even eat my "dinner". Not one bite would go down because my stomach was in such a knot and I had such a lump in my throat. He, on the other hand, was steadily tossing back top shelf margaritas and snarfing his food down like usual. I just sat there in stunned silence trying my best not to bust out crying in the restaurant because of what I was hearing. I'm still at a total loss as to how I should feel or respond. He told me for years that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Now that I'm not huge anymore, he tells me what I should and shouldn't wear, that I shouldn't wear my shirts tucked in, or wear anything tailored because my gut still sticks out and it looks like crap. My friends and other family couldn't be more complimentary about how I look and I think I look great as well. He also told me that I've changed, and not for the better. So, now that I actually have some self esteem and self confidence it's a bad thing ??? I just keep thinking "how is this possible" ? Any CONSTRUCTIVE input, feedback, advice, experience, etc... would be MOST appreciated. I'm just truly devastated and heartbroken. 16 years together and he didn't even get me a card, not even after a gentle reminder, which I shouldn't have to do anyway IMHO.

Thank you all so very much for your input and compassion. You'll just never know how much it means to me.

The situation is soooo complicated. He talked me into quitting my job several years ago so my finances are totally controlled by him. I used what I had left of my "own" money to pay for my surgery (BEST money ever spent !) so my options are few. I have little family (1 elderly Aunt and 1 brother on full disability who can't pay his own bills half the time). In the state of Texas, women without children don't get any help from anyone unless they've had the living hell beat out of them, which thankfully he has never done. I, too, learned very well growing up how to abuse and think nothing of myself. My mother never wanted a second child, or a girl and she was all too good at letting me know it.

To compound the problem, I haven't worked in 7 years and people who haven't worked in 7 months can't find work right now so I'm not exactly on the top of the list for new hires, though my skills are good. I live in a very small town more than 30 miles from "civilization". Nothing is in my name except for my car, which is also titled in his name as well. Now he wants to sell my car so he can go and buy a new truck. That'll be the next big fight cause it IS NOT happening !!! I just know that this stuff has gone on for years and now everything he's doing (and has done) to make me feel worthless and ugly isn't working anymore, and I think he knows it too, hence why he is now attacking what I consider to be MY greatest accomplishment. He definitely isn't worried about losing me. LOL. He's tried to shove me out the door for years (if you don't like it, you know where the door is... yada, yada...) I don't know what the best solution is (yet), but I know it can't be one made in haste. I'm just doing the best I can to keep the damage to my soul at a minimum. Again, thank you all so very much for your support and encouragement. It truly means the world.... You're all just awesome !

P.S. Funny, but I know there are several "vets" that are male and I'd really like to hear from them as well, so please weigh in guys ! The male and female brains work very differently and I'd love to hear the male perspective as well.

Thank you all so very much for your input and compassion. You'll just never know how much it means to me.

The situation is soooo complicated. He talked me into quitting my job several years ago so my finances are totally controlled by him. I used what I had left of my "own" money to pay for my surgery (BEST money ever spent !) so my options are few. I have little family (1 elderly Aunt and 1 brother on full disability who can't pay his own bills half the time). In the state of Texas, women without children don't get any help from anyone unless they've had the living hell beat out of them, which thankfully he has never done. I, too, learned very well growing up how to abuse and think nothing of myself. My mother never wanted a second child, or a girl and she was all too good at letting me know it.

To compound the problem, I haven't worked in 7 years and people who haven't worked in 7 months can't find work right now so I'm not exactly on the top of the list for new hires, though my skills are good. I live in a very small town more than 30 miles from "civilization". Nothing is in my name except for my car, which is also titled in his name as well. Now he wants to sell my car so he can go and buy a new truck. That'll be the next big fight cause it IS NOT happening !!! I just know that this stuff has gone on for years and now everything he's doing (and has done) to make me feel worthless and ugly isn't working anymore, and I think he knows it too, hence why he is now attacking what I consider to be MY greatest accomplishment. He definitely isn't worried about losing me. LOL. He's tried to shove me out the door for years (if you don't like it, you know where the door is... yada, yada...) I don't know what the best solution is (yet), but I know it can't be one made in haste. I'm just doing the best I can to keep the damage to my soul at a minimum. Again, thank you all so very much for your support and encouragement. It truly means the world.... You're all just awesome !

P.S. Funny, but I know there are several "vets" that are male and I'd really like to hear from them as well, so please weigh in guys ! The male and female brains work very differently and I'd love to hear the male perspective as well.

My heart goes out to you! You are strong, have an opinion and smart. I have never been in this type of situation but in reading all of this if you are going to stay for now then I would suggest you call that number that someone listed and get some advice or education on what you are dealing with. It seems that he is keeping you not living with you and now he is going to cut off your transportation. Your losing weight has upset the apple cart and you may not know all of his reactions. Your confidence is going to increase and so is his behavior in the effort to keep you emotionally contained. Best of wishes to you. Guys weigh in on this she could use your opinions!!

Download the app "Aspire News" onto your smartphone. It's designed by dr Phil's wife, Robin McGraw. Check out her website also https://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org

My heart is breaking for you..please seek the advice from the professional link that was provided.

We are ALL here for you, this isn't sounding good.

Prayers for you!

My heart is breaking for you..please seek the advice from the professional link that was provided.

We are ALL here for you, this isn't sounding good.

Prayers for you!

O K Miss Liz in Texas, I think we are going to have to put our collective forum heads together and come up with some more specific suggestions to help you resolve your dilemma. Texas is a community property state. I think the first thing you need to do is see if Texas has free lawyers for people with low or no income. Twice I have left stinkers with only my car, my computer, a weeks worth of clothes, and my dignity. Sometimes, peace of mind is more important than half the house.

Having a car with your name on the title is your ticket to freedom. He can't make you sign it over, even with a gun to your head...his only alternative is to go ahead and shoot, and then spend the rest of his life in jail. I know you don't think he would physically harm you, but now is the time to journal what is happening to you and hide it somewhere and let someone you trust know where it is. I used my journal to write a book about my escape, but I stalled out at presenting it to a publisher. But I look at it every now and then to remind myself what a gift it is to be alive, and not chopped up in the swamp behind the farmhouse.

What is the nearest big city to where you are at?

If he really means....there's the door....then ask him to help you to pack half the house. When I left my first ex-husband (o.k...his midlife crisis, lots of affairs) I got a job as a property manager of a 600 site mobile home park, with a trailer and utilities provided as part of the compensation. Maybe you could find a live-in position...housekeeper, nanny, college housemother, property or motel manager, caregiver....there has to be something.

What is your skill set? I am sure someone here can help you with a resume. The way I put mine down on paper was to review every job I had since high school, and every little thing I had to do from filing to mopping floors. That will give you a broad idea of what your resume bait is.

Do you have any money at all? I went without lunch for months and save my lunch funds in my desk at work. I had about $400 saved up, and my daughters wired me $600 to a truck stop 30 miles from home. It was enough to help me get situated. You may have to get sneaky, girlfriend.....but that's ok. Looks like this is going to take a village.

I am so sorry you've had to suffer through these abusive comments! I hope you can get into counseling. No one has the right to treat you this way! You deserve to be cherished!

Liz and Miss Mac... My heart breaks for both of you. On reading your stories? My southern man has just offered to come to both your locations and expedite these ..... LOWLIVES... to the swamps.

Best place for them.

Come on crew, I have no connections myself in Texas (I wish I had), but lets give this lovely lady some employment/residential options, shall we?

Tea and sympathy is always appreciated, but lets get something moving, shall we?

POSITIVE ACTION!

Liz - there are always excuses not to. There are always "legit" reasons not to. Don't want to make a decision in haste? I got you, I'm on board with that, it's truth. But Liz, this has been a long time coming, hasn't it. Hasn't it...

http://www.womenshelters.org/sta/texas

http://www.hhsc.state.tx.us/Help/family-violence/centers.shtml

He has slowly cut you off from everything, including physical isolation, and now he is trying to take away actual physical escape (the vehicle). Nothing will ever be enough and the next thing he will take from you is your life.

Get out now. Our network is wide, I know we have sleevers in TX, someone will come get you, you are not alone.

I could totally dispose of a body. Just sayin

I live in south Texas, in between San Antonio and Laredo. My family has lots of rental properties and are always in need employees to fill the cleaning staff. There is a BIG oil boom too. Lots of companies pay very, very well for all sorts of services, from cleaning staff to management. More than 20 hotels have gone up in the area, all short staffed. Message me. I can help you find a living situation and there is plenty of job opportunity.

sorry to read all this...but yes my husband is also not supportive....my date is 24th..and he has not once inquired about my tests etc...he shouts and gets angry all the time....

I have warned him that he better take care of me..its his duty...hes very selfish and cunning.

P.S. Funny, but I know there are several "vets" that are male and I'd really like to hear from them as well, so please weigh in guys ! The male and female brains work very differently and I'd love to hear the male perspective as well.

I think the ladies that have chimed in have hit the nail on the head and that is from a guys perspective. Even if he is going through some of his own issues a real man would never treat his lady like this. I too think your in a no win relationship right now and you should look at some of the things the ladies have told you and offered you.

It is true that men think differently than women but it does not excuse bad behavior.

For Hopeful2beslim......I suggest that you go back to the start of this thread and look for helps and hints that may assist you in coping with a difficult partnership that needs re-examined. There are many kind words and hotline numbers to reach out for the support you are lacking at home. Good luck, dear. Aside from better health, it seems that this surgery also gives a boost in courage!

Curvy, I messaged you...