Not really even sure how to put this because I've never been the whiny type, but while out to dinner on our 16th anniversary (1/17, and he didn't even remember until the day before when I reminded him), from out of the clear blue my spouse tells me that I need to stop talking about my weight loss and when someone asks me how much I've lost I just need to tell them how much better I feel instead of telling them how much I've lost. I've been very open with friends and family, it absolutely was not a secret. Now, he, on the other hand has gained about 30 pounds since my surgery (for which I was blamed... he gained weight because I put too much food on his plate !) I'm wearing HIS jeans now. The ones he can't wear anymore because they're too small. I've gone from a size 26W to a 12 (jeans are 32 inch waist) and now it feels like I'm being told that I should shut my mouth and stop being proud of MY accomplishment because he's tired of hearing it. I've always stated how much better I feel in my conversations with friends, even after the first 20 pounds were gone. Funny, but he's never heard me say it according to him. I was so stunned and hurt I couldn't even eat my "dinner". Not one bite would go down because my stomach was in such a knot and I had such a lump in my throat. He, on the other hand, was steadily tossing back top shelf margaritas and snarfing his food down like usual. I just sat there in stunned silence trying my best not to bust out crying in the restaurant because of what I was hearing. I'm still at a total loss as to how I should feel or respond. He told me for years that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Now that I'm not huge anymore, he tells me what I should and shouldn't wear, that I shouldn't wear my shirts tucked in, or wear anything tailored because my gut still sticks out and it looks like crap. My friends and other family couldn't be more complimentary about how I look and I think I look great as well. He also told me that I've changed, and not for the better. So, now that I actually have some self esteem and self confidence it's a bad thing ??? I just keep thinking "how is this possible" ? Any CONSTRUCTIVE input, feedback, advice, experience, etc... would be MOST appreciated. I'm just truly devastated and heartbroken. 16 years together and he didn't even get me a card, not even after a gentle reminder, which I shouldn't have to do anyway IMHO.

I am sorry your husband is not supportive or proud of you, you should be proud of your success. A husband should love you unconditionly and support you not belittle you or be embarrassed to be seen with you. It is sad that he is so insecure in himself he has to act like ass to feel better about himself- a real man would be proud of his wife and want to show it the world. I have been on both sides of that fence and I prefer to have a caring and loving husband who supports me. My ex husband was very much the same way and it made my self esteem go in the toilet. It is your life and you are the only one who can create happiness, don't give him the power to take it away.

Curvy, I messaged you...

Good for u!! Luv urself, always!!! <3

My situation was different.... but I had lost 125 # - huge right? My partner (long term live in relationship) hadn't said a word. Not a compliment, not an awknowledgement. One day I asked him... shyly... if he noticed that I was looking better. He kinda rolled his eyes at me and told me in a dismissive tone that he had always thought I was attractive. On the one hand, that was kind, but on the other hand, it completely invalidated my entire transformation.

I stewed on that for quite some time, but I started peeling the layers of that onion... and eventually realized that i was in a relationship that had been "dead" for years. Had nothing to do with my weight so losing weight didn't help any at all....

In my own mind, I thought our relationship problems had to do with me being grossly fat. nope.

I am single now.

I think everyone here has hit the nail on the head, and I also think you are very perceptive and have a good handle on your situation. That's a great start. What I see is that you are gaining confidence, and he does not like it. His behavior is not new, and he has not changed, but YOU have, so good for you! He is running out of ways to beat you down, and therefore, his behavior seems to be is escalating.

Only you know your true situation, but I would be contacting some of those places for guidance. I don't know if he would ever hit you, but I doubt if he's ever going to be a good man to you. If you decide to leave, I would be making my escape plan in secrecy as quickly as possible, and just try to keep a lid on things. If you know you are leaving, there is no sense in upsetting this apple cart and risking further escalation. Let him think he's put you in your place so that when you make your escape, he doesn't see it coming.

As a guy... I can tell you he's acting like that because he's super insecure and jealous as hell now. That's toxic for the relationship.. you need to confront him about it and see what he says... he'll either change or maybe he needs some time away to figure out what he really wants.