What is your most embarrassing experience, banded or not.

I have to see a few really humiliating experiences before I can post mine. I also need a glass of wine or two before I can tell mine.

This is horribly embarassing. A few years ago, I was on a trip that was part of one of my classes. We were spending a week or so in the Chesapeake Bay area, studying the ecology of the Bay. For the entire trip, we stayed in little cabins at a couple of different campgrounds. You know, the kind with bunkbeds that you put sleeping bags on and stuff. There were bathroom facilities with toilets and showers there, but they were a fair distance away from the cabins we were staying in. Anyway, one day I was having some stomach issues, but it luckily didn't really hit me very hard until that night. I was walking around the campground with one of my classmates, looking for frogs. I started having stomach cramps, so I told her I wasn't feeling well, and we turned back. We separated and I got turned around in the campground area (it was really dark and I wasn't very familiar with the trails and roads). Of course, that's when it hit, really urgent diarrhea. The kind where you have to be near a bathroom. And of course, I wasn't. You can guess what happened then. I didn't even have time to find a private spot to crouch in the woods. So there I was, my shorts full of crap, and I had to go find the bathroom to try and clean up. I did the best I could in there, but as you can imagine, it was pretty hopeless. I had to sneak back to my cabin, hope there weren't people in there, get a change of clothes and my shower stuff (it was that bad), and sneak back to the shower facilities, all without running into some of my classmates. I never came face-to-face with anyone, but I did walk past some people, so to this day I really hope they didn't smell me.

So, it could have been worse, but it is probably at the top of my list for embarassing moments.

In 1971, my wife, Tina and I had planned to take our 3 year old son on a “Forth of July” picnic, along with my “new family” (as I called the family that I lived with after my mother died). We had planned on going in two big cars, but the night before, my “brother” George loaned his Chevrolet Impala to his brother-in-law, who crashed it bad enough to make it unusable for the three or four hour ride from Brooklyn to Bear Mountain.

So on the “Forth”, as soon as I returned from working the “Graveyard” shift at JFK, we packed up my 1966 442 (Oldsmobile's version of the GTO) and my 1961 Volkswagen "Karman Gia" and headed to Manhattan to pick up my 3 “Sisters” and daughter one of them. Then on to the mountains.

We got there so late because of all the problems involved in the small car situation; packing our junk for the picnic and trying to make enough room for everyone, that there were no more picnic areas available, so we picked out a place where we could (illegally) slip behind some trees to park my cars unseen and have our picnic.

Well that is the setup. Everything went well until the end.

During the day, Tina and I slipped away from the group and while walking hand in hand, the urge to “decorate” the area hit us. We found a spot that we could use and be hidden from view, but still be able to see anyone coming (besides each other). It was at the edge of a 45 degree 200 foot drop. After we had finished, we walked back and everyone was breaking our chops about “Where were you two and what were you doing?”

Just as it started to get dark, I had to urge to relieve my bladder and since there were no restrooms, we had picked out a spot behind a large bolder as a private toilet. I didn't know that one of my sisters had used it for other than bladder relief until I felt my sandal sink into something very soft. I wanted to scream, because there was also no running Water and “Wet Ones” weren't going to cut it. And then the attack of the mosquitoes. They came upon us as the birds did in that Hitchcock triller of the same name. We tried to pack the cars as I simultaneously tried to wipe my sandals and feet. After the cars were packed and loaded, I discovered that I had no keys. It didn't take long to figure out that my keys had departed when my pants were around my ankles during “our time of pleasure”.

So I wound up having to break out the ignition lock on my 442, while everyone was screaming because of the marauding mosquitoes and the heat of being in a car with closed (power) windows. After I broke out the ignition and hot-wired the car, we started on our 4 hour trip, which became 6 hours because of the holiday traffic.

We all need a restroom break about halfway home and the cars were starting to overheat, and because there were no rest stops with restrooms for hours, we looked for and finally found a spot on the highway which had trees between the Northbound and Southbound lanes. Tina is very self conscious, so she spent the most time looking for a spot to hide from the rest of the group before relieving herself, only in mid-stream to hear cars honking as her butt hung out into the view of the Northbound lanes. That earned her the name of “Moon Tina” for the rest of the week.

All in all, one Hell of an embarrassing day.

I married very young (17), so at age 20 I was no longer a blushing bride - or so I thought.

My husband was working out of town and we hadn't seen one another for about 3 weeks. I had vacation time coming and was driving down to spend it with him, in the nice motel his employer was paying for anyway.

The nice motel had a pool, so I decided to buy DH one of those "new" spandex-type bathing suits. Good thing I mention it to him on the phone,though, because he informed me that he would also need an athletic supporter. Huh?

"Just go to K Mart and pick one up," he said. "They're in the sporting goods section. There will be a whole display, with pictures on the box. You can't miss them."

Okay....

On our lunch hour the next day, I get a much-older co-worker to go to K Mart with me. I find sporting goods, and athletic supports. Just like DH said. Mission accomplished....my co-worker wanders off to a more interesting section of the store.

K Mart is, of course, a self-service store. That's why I'm there, because I don't want assistance from a sales staff. But as luck would have it, the only helpful employee in the history of K Mart has spotted me - in the sporting goods section, buying a jock strap for my husband. "Need some help?" he asks.

"Uhhhh.....no." I am determined to keep my 20 year old, married woman dignity in tact. "I'm just buying one of these for my husband," I explain, as I peruse the selection.

"Okay," says Mr. Friendly K Mart Employee of the Month. "We have these, and these....what size do you need?"

SIZE???????????? THEY COME IN SIZES??????????

I cannot imagine myself - even in my wildest, most liberated moments - attempting to estimate the size of my husband's penis for a stranger, in the middle of K Mart, no less. Visions of holding my hands apart, like a fisherman describing the one that got away, leap to my mind's eye. Without a word, I just turn and walk away.

It gets better....

The salesman then calls loudly in the direction of my departing backside, "The WAIST, lady.....what size is his waist?"

I met up with my co-worker in the parking lot and made her go back into the store and purchase the offending article. When I delivered it to my husband, I informed him that in the event he EVER needed another one, he should find someone other than myself to purchase it, because I would NEVER again enter the sporting goods section at K Mart.

This is one that comes to mind for me cuz it was only months ago that this happened.

I was back in my home town for a dinner party hosted by my husband's employer. My husband stayed late to help clean up the mess while my kids and I left to go put gas in my Tahoe as I was seriously on "E". It was late and I was in a hurry to get home and get the kids to bed so as I was pulling into the gas station, I ended up behind a car that I assumed would have the common courtesy to go forward to the front pump while I would pull up behind in the rear pump. Well, they didn't, they stopped at the first pump, so I got ticked. When they got out to get their gas (teenage boys) I gave them the "death stare", they definately saw that I was pissed. I threw my car into reverse and peeled out to the next pump over, got out, still giving them the "evil eye", and was JUST ABOUT to pull the trigger to start pumping, the boys yelled over to me....

"Hey, that's Diesel!"

Oops, now that's embarassing! They saved my ASS!!!

This is one that comes to mind for me cuz it was only months ago that this happened.

I was back in my home town for a dinner party hosted by my husband's employer. My husband stayed late to help clean up the mess while my kids and I left to go put gas in my Tahoe as I was seriously on "E". It was late and I was in a hurry to get home and get the kids to bed so as I was pulling into the gas station, I ended up behind a car that I assumed would have the common courtesy to go forward to the front pump while I would pull up behind in the rear pump. Well, they didn't, they stopped at the first pump, so I got ticked. When they got out to get their gas (teenage boys) I gave them the "death stare", they definately saw that I was pissed. I threw my car into reverse and peeled out to the next pump over, got out, still giving them the "evil eye", and was JUST ABOUT to pull the trigger to start pumping, the boys yelled over to me....

"Hey, that's Diesel!"

Oops, now that's embarassing! They saved my ASS!!!

Well it was nice of them to warn you after your actions and I could see how you would be embarrassed, but they didn't save you because a diesel fuel nozzle will not fit into an unleaded gas fuel tank pipe.

Well it was nice of them to warn you after your actions and I could see how you would be embarrassed, but they didn't save you because a diesel fuel nozzle will not fit into an unleaded gas fuel tank pipe.

I had the nozzle in the tank, about to pull the trigger......

My DH's family are all 'normal size to small' Well I'm 5'6" and weigh over 300 and even though they are all crazy about me I'm still SUPER self concious around them. I was decorating their Xmas tree for them and I leaned on the little table stand and OH MY GOD>>>>> IT F'ING BROKE. I thought I was going to CRY. I was SO EMBARRASSED. They tried to make light of it and say.. it's a cheap table and it wasn't put together well.. etc etc etc. My DH glued and clamped it back together while we were upstairs and I boo hoo'd like an idiot.

T

I had the nozzle in the tank, about to pull the trigger......

Then the service station is breaking the law. Diesel fuel nozzles are supposed to be the same size as leaded gas fuel nozzles and neither of them should fit in an unleaded gas fill pipe.

Years ago when I was a young man in my mid 20's I was dating a young lady who's parents spent their summer's at the lake. Because they were away I would spend most of my nights at my girl freinds place and we would sleep together. As you may have all guessed we always ended up naked in bed because we were young, in love and more importantly Horny.

One night my girlfreinds mother was in town and she decided to not head back to the lake but to spend the night at the house. When she got home she discoverred me and her daughter asleep together in bed naked as Jay-birds. She was pissed and we were awakened by the loud screams of an upset mother. I was told to get dressed and get the hell out of the house. I immediatly jumped up to get dressed and was standing in the middle of the bedroom naked when Ma decided to come back into the room to yell some more. Being young I still had an erection, Well Ma begin to yell then she looked down at my unit then back at my face then back to my unit again. She stopped yelling and turned around slammed the door and walked away in disgust.

You cannot imagine how odd it is to stand naked infront of your girfreinds mother with an erection. At the time I thought I would marry this girl so I was quite concerned that this event would have a negative impact on my relationship with my future Mother in law. Because we did not get married I now can only hope that she may, at the very least, have been a little impressed :)

My DH's family are all 'normal size to small' Well I'm 5'6" and weigh over 300 and even though they are all crazy about me I'm still SUPER self concious around them. I was decorating their Xmas tree for them and I leaned on the little table stand and OH MY GOD>>>>> IT F'ING BROKE. I thought I was going to CRY. I was SO EMBARRASSED. They tried to make light of it and say.. it's a cheap table and it wasn't put together well.. etc etc etc. My DH glued and clamped it back together while we were upstairs and I boo hoo'd like an idiot.

T

I am so sorry, but I about cried when I read this! Something similar happened to me but at work:o I was in the VP's office with my boss doing a quarterly review and I tried to back up in the chair that I was sitting in so that I could get up to go get something that I left in my office. As I did this, I heard the leg of the chair crack! Holy crap! No one said anything and I know they heard it. I left the office and came back to sit down and was so afraid that the chair was going to break in two that I sat and tried to hold myself up for the next hour till the end of the meeting. I thought I was going to die...........:faint:

I also have had my problems breaking friends' and relatives' furniture.

When my next door neighbor (in Brooklyn 25 years ago) went to get a new kitchen set after I had broken 2 chairs over the past few months, I bought them an extra chair for their wrought-Iron set and told them that it was my chair. They now live near Pittsburgh and the kitchen set is still doing fine, and when we visit, I always sit in "my chair".

You cannot imagine how odd it is to stand naked infront of your girfreinds mother with an erection. At the time I thought I would marry this girl so I was quite concerned that this event would have a negative impact on my relationship with my future Mother in law. Because we did not get married I now can only hope that she may, at the very least, have been a little impressed

Try this on for size (no pun intended). My son-in-law, pre-marriage to my DD, zipped his business up with his pants (at my house) and finally, after trying unsuccessfully to get himself loose, pleaded with my son to "Go get your mom".

He really did a thorough job of it, too. There was a good-sized chunk of his whanker sticking out of a completely zipped up, heavy duty jeans zipper. There is, incidentally, only one remedy to this situation....you have to UNZIP the thing.

And I don't know about your potential mother-in-law, but I was trying too hard not to laugh to be impressed.

I was in the VP's office with my boss doing a quarterly review and I tried to back up in the chair that I was sitting in so that I could get up to go get something that I left in my office. As I did this, I heard the leg of the chair crack! Holy crap! No one said anything and I know they heard it. I left the office and came back to sit down and was so afraid that the chair was going to break in two that I sat and tried to hold myself up for the next hour till the end of the meeting. I thought I was going to die...........:faint:

I was the director of a social services office for 15 years and we had a row of sturdy but not very attractive chairs in the reception/waiting area.

One day a very large lady came in and took a seat. The chair broke, with a loud "CRACK" that almost made the staff dive for the floor, thinking "drive by". Most of my clients would have threatened to sue us, but not this lady. She got up, dusted herself off, and very calmly said, "I trust that chair was broken before I sat in it." I quickly assured her that yes, I was SURE it was.

OMG, Carlene! That's a scene straight of "There's Something About Mary"!!! LMAO (in reference to the zipped whanker)

Been a rough week, this will be a nice change of pace/thought.

This is hard because I really don't get embarassed, even over things that I know would mortify others. I have quick "oh crap" reactions, but then it's "oh well". Hmm...

I had a "Something About Mary" moment once. Before the movie came out. I swear they got that idea from our camping incident. Funny that would be brought up already. It was with DH. We were camping and I'm big on being able to shower after - you know. I just can't stand the feeling lubed... and just trying to wipe it away doesn't cut it for me. Sorry, TMI, but you gotta do what you gotta do. And I don't use public showers. So I told DH ok, but he would have to pull out. How the fark do I tell this without it sounding like a porn? He pulls out and is kneeling/straddling me as he finishes. I'm helping him out. Right as he starts to "arrive", I get this HUGE leg cramp (come on ladies, we've all been there) and have to pull my leg up, which hits his arm/hand and makes him loosen his grip so he wasn't able to "contain" his ...guys... hopefully you know what I'm talking about. So ok, we'll have a little mess to clean up, no biggie, except we can't freaking find it. We're looking everywhere - on the tent walls, on the sleeping bag... on the flashlight... and I'll be a son of a bitch but we can't find his guys anywhere. And I'm thinking - maybe he did one of those weird things where the guy orgasms without ejaculating, because there is no ejaculate in this tent (my husband the tantric???). We're baffled, but our friends are calling us to come out so we can eat, figuring we're just missing it in one of the folds of the sleeping bags or something. We go out, eat, socialize, all is well. And then I notice people are looking at me funny. Don't think a single thing about it, my hair must be messed up. Get paranoid enough to reach up there and check it out, and my hair is all gooey. Wtf? Oh! Yep, there it is, on my head. Mostly on my hair, and somehow pooled at my hairline. Don't ask me, I can't explain it.

But see... it didn't embarass me. It went something like:

Me - Why the F didn't you guys tell me I had spooge in my hair?

Friend 1 - I couldn't figure out what it was.

Friend 5 - I thought it was a bug.

Friend 2 - I though that's what it was, but how the hell did it get there?

Me - We were looking EVERYWHERE for that.

DH - Is easily embarassed, and just kind of sits there before sliding into a fetal position.

Friend 6 - *takes a picture*