Was you marriage more romantic driven or sex driven before surgery? And what about after??? Going through some pretty tuff emotions right now, I need some help.:-(

Well, let me give a counter point. I was in a long term relationship with someone who treated me like I was invisible. I lost about 125# and brought up... "hey I have lost alot of weight, have you noticed?" he barely lifted an eyebrow. I would have welcomed him regaining interest in me sexually/attraction/romance ANYTHING. So, while I understand the confused and mixed emotions, consider the alternatives and how that MIGHT make you feel...

I'm preparing for my surgery but I've been thinking a lot about losing weight and being visible again. My husband keeps telling me that people will treat me differently. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I "attracted" a lot of people with serious issues and I don't want to start that again

I'm in sort of a tough spot like the op seeks to be in.

My hubby went back to school 3 years ago ft while working ft and being daddy to our now 4 and 6 year old kids.

Guess what fell to the back burners?? Yep..His desire and want to give me any attention. We've had talks and I've told him it's in his court now..years of rejection have gotten me used to no attention at all. And now he's dealing with me never wanting his advances. I have a therapist I meet with monthly but I do wonder if losing the rest of this weight will cause him to pay me more attention.

YES! I know what you mean! I had gotten used to my husband NOT being there, due to heavy work schedule. The few times we are all together, I'm still in solo mode! We talked about him getting off third shift today, 20 years and 5 kids later might I add, and now about to be skinny again, lol! He may not show me a lot of romantic attention, but he most definitely notices other guys checking me out. I've always been a "curvy girl," but I imagine I will have a super confidence boost as the weight comes off.

Oh and if I can find a sexy,two piece bathing suit that compliments my new body, I'm definitely planning on rocking it! Lmbo! :-D

I must admit my sex life got better. No that he was not interested, I think he likes the lighter me better during sex. He never complained before, but he did say me being 40 pounds lighter is great during sex. Sorry, hope not graphic.

Love this post question. ..m8nes never said nothing even at my highest weight. ..yes its even better and yes he is more attentive even voices a little jealousy when other notice me..but I think its harder for me to accept the changes because I 2 was behind the scenes. ..hw 349...sw 301...today 218 ...surgery 6/18/2013

Maybe your husband's issues are about him and not about you at all? I'm in a 12 step group and a lot of the men there are workaholics who were able to woo their wives, but then disappeared into work and their addiction to avoid intimacy. Their wives become this distant island that they visit for sex but in general avoid because they don't know HOW to maintain true intimacy, vulnerability, and presence.

Something about the way you described him made me think about my fellowship, I could of course be totally wrong and off base. I don't mean to offend, just wanted to say that you could be experiencing a byproduct of something about your spouse instead of yourself.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey!

There are mental changes as well as physical associated with large weight loss for a lot of us. Some men get a bit intimidated when their partner changes so drastically physically. And becoming more confident may increase that feeling. You really have to keep that communication open.

But there are definite advantages to the physical relationship when you weigh less.

WOW! The feedback has been great!!! The hubbs and I talked about it. At first, he was defensive, but he's come around. It's SO true, communication is important, but I was dreading telling him bc of what his response might be. I think he had an a-ha moment and discovered somethings about himself. I also have been evaluating my "role" in our marriage more. All the input has been very helpful! :-)

I've been around wls boards for the past 7 years. I've seen marriages break up over this.

Some husbands don't like the attention their wives got. Somebody just posted about this. Some women got attention from other men and wanted out of their marriages.

Some women don't want to have sex because they hate their hanging skin. There are all sorts of marital problems that can come up with WLS.

I've also seen it go the other way of course, The husbands are thrilled with their wives new bodies and the fact that they love to have sex now because they feel better about themselves.