Does anyone else have doubts? Anyone else get bogged down in second guessing?'

I am in the middle of my third run-up to have the surgery. I was scheduled to have a RnY in April 2006 when my insurance changed some criteria and the surgery was postponed. Then I lost about 75 pounds in the remainder of 2006 and forgot all about surgery. I had more weight to lose but I told myself I'd keep going.

Then in 2011, I spent the whole year jumping through all the hoops and my surgeon ready to schedule me in Jan 2012 but in 2011 I had lost 60 pounds. Of course, I had regained some, but not all of the 75 I lost in'06. Right now I am down 90 pounds from my all time high of 330. I was 240 at my last doc appointment two weeks ago and I only weigh myself when I see doctors so I don't obsess day-to-day about weight fluctuations. It works for me to only weight at docs, might not work for everyone, I know.

So at 240, I am still morbidly obese but, once again, I have started losing weight fast. It is as if a part of me is so afraid of the surgery that some part of my being gets serous about weight loss to avoid the surgery. I can tell by my clothes that I am shedding weight fast. I see a doc tomorrow and will be weighed and I wouldn't be surprised if I am down ten pounds or more since mid-October -- no kidding.

So, once again, I am thinking,even tho I know, both from statistics and my own repeat loss-then-regains that once aperson is fat, the odds of keeping it off permanently without surgery are very very low. Not totally impossible but wicked hard and rare.

But here I am, once again challening myself to lose as much weight as I can before my surgery, which wont be until late Jan or early Feb at the earliest. Once again, I am thinking "once I had all the insurance requirements, finished, which I will have all done with just two more meetings in the next few weeks, I can always take my time". The 'requirements' are good for one year so I could keep on crashing off weight and postpone the surgery again.

Even tho a part of me knows I am playing mind games with myself, and weight games. . .

Like I said, anyone else in a yo-yo of doubt?

I also think, gee, if I had done the surgery in 2006, maybe 2007 by the time the insurance changes were tended to, I could have been down all these years. And now I am 60. they won't do it on me past a certain age. This is probably my last shot.

My arthritic knees creak from the fat but as I crash off weight, the knees feel great!

Up. Down. Yes. No. Anyone else? Or am I the only crazy crazy? I feel like my serious, recurring doubts are my instincts or higher power warning me. But is that just fear playing trickster with me?

Doubts driving me crazy. I could easily get down to 200 by my surgery date. I was down to 216 when I cancelled my last surgery go-around. But I am deluding myself, right? No one keeps off 150+ pounds permanently without surgery, right? I know a few do keep it off without surgery but I do not have an Iron will. And I believe it takes an iron will for a person who has weighed 330 to get down in onederland and stay there permanently.

Still, doubt doubt doubt.

I am the same as you to a point. I started considering the surgery in 2011. But was convinced I could do it alone. I gained and lost the same 40-50 pounds all through 2011-2012 and in 2013 I hit my all time high of 350. Then my feet and knees started hurting so bad exercise is all but impossible.

I have slight fears. I am perfectly healthy except my weight. What if the surgery causes me to be unhealthy. What if I was going to live a longer life fat than if I developed a complications.

But all in all I am sure of my dcision because, my daughter is only 3 years old. I spent all summer watching her play instead of playing with her. She loves rides and I cannot fit on them to go with her. SHe loves Water parks but I exceed the weight limit for the water slides. If she were to get hurt or be in danger I could not get to her in a tinley manner.

I know I want this to improve our lives together.

I think you can do this on your own!! If u can loose 90 to 100 pounds without surgery then u can do it. U jus have to stay focus on your daily habits which is what you're gonna have to do with the surgery anyway. The surgery only "helps" you get the weight off but YOU have to keep it off. I have a friend who had the surgery 13 years ago, she got really small (maybe 150), but not being determined shes back to 220 and still climbing. So if you don't have determination, its only gonna be a temporary fix anyway. Put your mind to it and do it. I wish I could loose 90 pounds without surgery. Go for it!!!! Good luck with whatever decision u make!

I was a yo-yo dieter too, up then down, up then down which is rally not good for your system to gain, lose, gain then lose again. I NEVER had any doubts with this surgery.. ever !!! This surgery really does control your eating and keeps your weight down. Not that I don't have to watch what I eat and exercise but its just easier after surgery... you stomach is smaller so you get full way faster.

Only 2% to 5% of morbidly obese people are able to lose their excess weight and maintain their loss long term. It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. I think you have answered your own questions about your potential for success by standard dieting. The remaining question is why are you reluctant to have surgery? If you sort that out with a therapist, you may find the right path for you.

I had RNY at 60 and sailed through surgery and recovery. No more beating my head against a brick wall. I finally took charge of my life and my body and did what I needed to do to protect my health and to enjoy my remaining life to the fullest. Instead of dragging my ass up the stairs to my home, I am going to walk the hills of Tuscany and the streets of florence. My only regret is that I put this off in 2006 and wasted 7 precious years and damaged my heart and even more of my joints.

The best analogy may be this: If you car had a flat tire, would you try to pick it up yourself to change the tire? No, you'd use a tool--a jack--then change the tire and get on with your life. Well, RNY is a tool, too.

What I read from your post is that you are not quite ready yet. I think most people have to hit that bottom before you are truly ready. I was going to do the surgery about 9 years ago, but backed out. I had times where I lost weight, but never enough. Finally one day I was in the shower and could no longer clean personal areas and by the time I had stepped out of the shower my mind was made up. A month later I had the surgery. Best life changing decision of my life.

So many of us have lost hundreds of pounds over our lifetimes, no? Speaking for myself, I know how to lose weight, I just can't keep it off because I either lose motivation or get lazy. After 40 years of being fat, I'm just done. I need something on my side that will enable me, not discourage me. I've thought about this for some 8 years. I'm ready, but of course I'm scared of medical complications and have some doubts, mostly around the fact that I don't always eat out of hunger; I eat because I love food, it tastes great, it's social or family celebration, etc. But, i know when I'm encouraged and motivated, my perspective changes and I get really enthusiastic about the changes. That's what I'm ready for - I want to feel good, strong, healthy, able. I'm glad I didn't do it 8 years ago because I just wasn't ready. It's my time now. Maybe it's yours too?