Enabling

[Butterthebean 8,146]

See, I think BtB see eye to eye here. I believe a lot of people would think, "Woa! What a cheater!" And his line, "Jeezus I'm Telling on myself", is unnecessary, for me. I don't call this cheating, I call it living. Now, you have to keep it in context. Butter reached goal a long time ago and is in maintenance mode. If this were the post of someone 4 months post-op and is crying about not being able to lose weight, well ... my post would take a different track. Perhaps I am trying to justify my own demons, I don't know ... because I am sitting here typing this while eating a coffee Crisp (Canadians are so lucky) whilst drinking a chocolate mocha coffee made with half and half. But, I too, am at goal and have been for over a year and a half. Do I consider this a cheat? Heck NO! (Can't find a good swear word that ends in ED here ) I am back to exercising and for the most part, I follow the guidelines pretty closely. But these Coffee Crisps were sent from mephistopheles himself. I have one of these a week. What I do consider cheating, though, is when I eat for the reasons we have been chatting about here recently. When I eat not because I am hungry, but when I am eating just for the sake of eating. When I am looking to be comforted or feel justified in making poor choices. Thank you Misty for your intimate share. Very brave. Just know that your share has helped more people than you can imagine. As the old saying goes, God can move mountains, but bring a shovel. We are all works in progress, so I wanted to congratulate you on picking up your shovel.

Good post PDX. I only say "telling on myself" because I drank a margarita. I'm not a drinker. Although I did forget the tempura fried oysters. Holyfuckballs were they good.

But I also mixed in a half marathon in between all that rich food. And everything was eaten in reasonable amounts and I had a great weekend. Great food, great company, great scenery (San Antonio river walk) and great activity. Of course the scale is up this morning but that's to be expected between the rich food, a few sweets and probably a fair amount of post race swelling (down liplady, down). Now back to my structured eating plan and those few pounds will be gone in no time.

That's maintenance to me, and that's my version of moderation. The occasional weekend of indulgence then back to more purposeful eating. What I can't do is the half cookie everyday. That makes me binge.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I used to work as a health aide for a dorm of all men when I was in college. Can't tell you how many times I got phone calls and messages that said, "I have this strange swelling…"

[Arts137 1,811]

Children, children, do I need to bring out my SOAP??

SOAP, mmmmm, yummy...

My Booger size was 40... wha? Did I mispell something?

[Butterthebean 8,146]

BAD SPELLERS......UNTIE!

[jdmama911 224]

BAD SPELLERS......UNTIE!

Lmao

[lsereno 2,525]

Whoa Nellie! I go to coast one day and everyone and their brother jumps in the pool while I'm gone! I'm glad to so many familiar faces posting. I'm still unhappy with the new layout on the site and app, but it's still better than any other online support group because of all of you.

In no certain order:

Like PDXman and Butter, I indulge in tasty treats. The difference between now and and preop is how often and how much.

I cannot have certain foods in the house. Cookies, Cheetos and cake all fall in that category. I may manage to resist them, but it's a constant fight with myself to leave them alone. It's so much easier to not have them here. I do eat them, but it's outside of the house or at a party when I send leftovers home with others.

I ate a lot preop and a lot of very fattening foods. Although I'm fairly good at self control, I simply could not get my eating under control, no matter what I tried. This surgery was a lifesaver for me.

I cannot eat whatever I want now. Like others, I want junky food a lot. Even now. I choose to not eat it.

And speaking of choice, I understand that it's hard for people to understand addiction issues. My feeling? No matter what anyone says, there was at least one issue or they wouldn't be a weight loss surgery patient. So, if you can understand it or not, I think you should be kind to anyone who us struggling because...

You can't hate yourself thin.

I'm 2.5 years post op and more than 1.5 years at goal, but I'm still afraid of regain and I still have bouts with disordered eating.

And my bougie was 40.

Lynda

[gamergirl 4,609]

Well if you're going to go that far....you may as well perform your own surgery. I believe I could do a sleeve on myself but not sure what size bougie to use.

Yes because if you're going to be doing your own surgery, THAT'S the thing you really need to be worrying about--bougie size.

[clk 3,519]

It's honestly why I never wanted to have kids. There have been too many times in my life where I opened my mouth and my mother's voice came out. Jeezus it scares me every time...like I've been possessed by her evil spirit. Since I mostly knew her as a parent, I figured if I became a parent I'd have millions more opportunities to channel her demons and repeat her mistakes. I just couldn't let myself do that.

Now I just have dogs and when I tell them they should have never been born, all they hear is "do you want a bone?"

Ya know, I'm not gonna tell you to go and breed. But I will say that I faced this head on and it was a huge challenge. Nobody teaches us how to be parents but our own parents. My childhood was so traumatic and abusive...and it was a storybook upbringing compared to my mother's childhood. I work on this. I think it's important to say (even if you never do have kids) that people CAN overcome this the same way they overcome food demons. I had to work at it and there are still days when my instinct is to react the way she did. Like the food - three years of a sleeve don't undo 20 years of shitty choices. Being a mom for six years sure as hell hasn't erased my childhood. But I do the three question check when I'm feeling bad about myself: 1) are my kids scared of me? NO 2) do they know I love them? YES 3) do I know they love me? YES - then we're all good. Because the fact that they tell me they love me and are willing to touch me means we're head and shoulders above where I grew up.

Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done - doing it without f*cking my kids up has felt impossible at times but we're making it. I'd rather lose the weight a million times than parent a few more kids, though. I wasn't meant to be a mother. I'm doing a pretty good job at it (people tell me this; I'd never believe it otherwise) but it's work, not natural.

So, I think that was somehow related to what you said...but like usual, I hijacked it and went off and wrote a damn novel.

Thank you so much for that support. You are not alone. And we are so strong.

Misty, thank you for sharing. I agree so much with Lynda's post, too. Everyone here has some issue or we wouldn't be to the point where we consider/require surgery to get control of food.

------------

And on that other conversation, I have two things to add. Yeah, yeah, long post, whatever.

One, for what it's worth, I do not consider pointing out that we're different or handle things differently is an us vs. them mentality. We're all different. While we may not understand each other entirely, we should embrace the fact that we're not the same. We don't all have to be the same in order to get along, or to respect one another.

Two, it's not denial to relate your experiences and have them be different than some or even the majority here. I know why I was fat. I don't talk about it, but I know why I was fat. Part learned coping mechanisms as a kid and a very real fear that there wouldn't be food again tomorrow if I didn't eat it all today. And partly self-sabotage.

Yes, you read that right. Self-sabotage. Because as much as I wanted to lose the weight and as much as I felt I'd be happier doing so, I did not (and sometimes still do not) feel I deserved that happiness. I fell off diets that were causing me no issues, simply because I could. For me, it was never a lack of control. It was always a choice. I have been punishing myself for years because I carry a load of guilt even bigger than my old fat self. Plain and simple; I sabotage myself because I feel guilty for the good things in my life.

My eating has always been about hiding emotions or fulfilling a compulsion. If I indulged that desire to just ruin myself, I'd eat everything around me. It takes incredibly strict control to stay in line and stay so close to my goal weight.

Losing? That's another story.

My sleeve did one really tremendous thing for me. I'm pretty sure it's the thing that got me to goal and has kept me in the range. And that's the fact that it immediately got the diabetes under control. It's now so much easier to say no, even to those foods that trigger cravings, the ones I wanted to eat endlessly before. If I hadn't had that (and let's face it, the complete lack of hunger) the size of my sleeve wouldn't matter. I would have eaten around it and I would have stretched it as much as it would stretch.

~Cheri

[LipstickLady 25,682]

BTW lip lady.. You're tagged in skin pics post. Well, you would be tagged if it was possible to tag here

Where?

[clk 3,519]

That's maintenance to me, and that's my version of moderation. The occasional weekend of indulgence then back to more purposeful eating. What I can't do is the half cookie everyday. That makes me binge.

Excellent post. I do things that are completely unlike most folks - but I've been sleeved for more than three years!

The important thing for people to do is figure out their personal limits so they can work moderation. I can't drink soda everyday (and I finally don't want to, which is great) and I can't eat popcorn or I'll want it all the time. Oh, and fast food? Gotta watch that stuff. If there's something that triggers me, it's fried up carb-laden badness. I want it every day, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me or how much it bugs my sleeve. If I indulge in too many "bad" carbs I hit that insulin resistance and that's all my body wants me to eat. I have to be very careful.

But it's possible! I mean, moderation IS possible if you find what works for you. I think that's huge - I see so many people discouraged like chicken breasts and steamed broccoli are the rest of their life. But that's not true. You just have to find what works for you.

~Cheri

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

This is the only place I can post off the subject and get immediate help.. But I don't get how to read the status updates in the right side column. To me there are some very disturbing posts and I'd like to read them but it takes me to their profile. I want to read the entire status update.. Where am I going wrong?

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Ya know, I'm not gonna tell you to go and breed. .....

~Cheri

Good thing....cause I checked with missus butter and she said ....not no but fucked no.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Nevermind.. As I read more I know they're not going to want to read what I opine on the subject.

[clk 3,519]

This is the only place I can post off the subject and get immediate help.. But I don't get how to read the status updates in the right side column. To me there are some very disturbing posts and I'd like to read them but it takes me to their profile. I want to read the entire status update.. Where am I going wrong?

Wish I could help but I'm not having the same issue. Is it worth a PM to Alex?

~Cheri

Ah, you've posted in the meanwhile. Yeah...I skip a lot of threads these days. I often wonder why I even bother visiting the site anymore because there are a ton of people here that clearly don't want any help.

[clk 3,519]

Good thing....cause I checked with missus butter and she said ....not no but fucked no.

Ha! My husband and I are in the same place. But then, baby Elisheva is his NINTH child.

~Cheri