Hello, all!

My name is Raven. I'm 35 and I'm pre-op. My surgery date is January 6, 2014 and I have very mixed feelings about it.

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and I have a particularly bad case of it. I have all the symptoms in varying degrees of severity. I also haven't seen a natural menstrual cycle since I was 22 and only recently, within the last year, were they able to force a cycle with near dangerously high doses of progesterone and even that has stopped working. Because of my amenorrhea (total absence of a cycle), I've been through multiple surgeries to remove hypoplasia (pre-cancerous buildups) and calcifications from my uterus. I am, of course, infertile because of this and from being overweight.

Along my journey of doctors and surgeons, almost every one has brought up weight loss surgery. "NO WAY!" I would proclaim loudly. I've done my research and I also watched a few of the videos of the surgeries. I've seen the poking and the bleeding and the meatball surgery... and these guys know they are being watched and video taped for the world to see! What are the ones who aren't being watched doing? Yeah, you can forget that...

After a few years of struggling, dieting, surgeries, losing the constant battle against my weight, my symptoms gaining strength and frequency, the sudden realization that I'm in my mid-30s and haven't had a child... the "NO WAY!" turned into... "Okay, but only as an absolute last resort."

A couple of years ago, my endocrinologist told me we were at the "last resort". I told him I wanted to give one more try myself. I redoubled my efforts at dieting. I took myself down to 1000 calories a day. I was exercising for 4-6 hours a day. I started making progress! Over the course of almost 2 years, I went from 300 lbs. to 215 lbs. Huge, right? Don't worry, I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the back. But I just could not keep up that momentum and my body started breaking down. And the moment I let up even a little bit on either the calories (even just 100) or the exercise (even just 30 minutes), I would either plateau or start gaining again.

Then I made a huge move across the country which required all of my mental and physical resources over the course of a few months. I was still counting calories, averaging 1500-1600. And by the time I was moved and settled, I was up to 235. I tried to regain some control, but this was about the time they started putting me on high dose progesterone. This gave me extreme irritability, unprovoked and constant crying, and insatiable hunger. So now, I'm back to 245 lbs. and just hopelessly watching the scale inch up a pound or three every month.

I brought all of this to my recent endocrinologist appointment and she said, "Raven, we're at the end of our rope." It rang in my head for about 10 minutes. She said our last options are a partial hysterectomy or weight loss surgery. But either way, I can't go on the way I am. Not only is my quality of life suffering tremendously, but the health risks, especially the constant threat of endometrial (uterus) cancer, are on the verge of consuming my life.

So, I finally gave in. I went to my first appointment with the VSG surgeon in September. I've scheduled out to January because my insurance doesn't cover ANY of the cost of the surgery. Not a whit. Luckily (and unluckily), my endoscopy found a severe hiatal hernia that needs immediate attention so that forced my insurance to chip in half, but I still have to come up with $6k. I tried the medical credit sites, but have been turned down.

I'm angry that no matter what I did, I was forced to this. It's infuriating that if any person without PCOS would have done what I've done, they'd have lost 300+ lbs in the time it took me to lose 80. It's maddening that I could maintain at 1500-1600 calories a day if it weren't for the progesterone that's sort of keeping me for getting cancer. I'm filled with trepidation over someone cutting out a significant portion of a very beloved body part. I know that the risks of death or serious injury are minimal and that the practice has been highly refined over the years, but my trepidation prevails.

But I'm also relieved that I've finally committed to it.

And I'm admittedly a little excited at the prospect of the help this could provide... not just for my weight, but for my PCOS that has been plaguing me since I was 14 years old.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Head down, grit your teeth and take this monster on!

Enjoy the meds, walk a lot, sip Water a lot, take a lip-balm, take comfortable PJ's with you, slippers, deodorant/perfume (that made me feel like a human being) breathe and relax.

You got this, Sista

See you on the losers bench! x

Thanks much! I'm heading to the hospital in an hour and a half. I really needed a pep talk and well.. there's no one awake at 2:30am here. lol. I'm spending my last bit of time reviewing "things you need to take" and "things you need to remember" posts. heh

Thanks everyone! Here I go!

I will be in your shoes this time next week. You have went through a lot to get to this point. This means so much more to you than just losing weight.

You are about to change your life ten fold. You have this. In fact reading what you have been though so many times before, you got this without a doubt.

Praying for a speedy recovery.

I'm day three post op and doing okay. It's been a real blessing having a bunch of the people on this site to commune with on a regular basis throughout this process. It was comforting to know that what I was going through was normal. Things like kissing my pets and loved ones goodbye possibly forever the night before surgery. And now reacting to every little change in my body as if it's a medical emergency. It's been really helpful to know I'm not a neurotic hypochondriac... that these are normal responses by a lot of people.

I've actually gotten in a full shake and a bottle of water before noon today. I'm currently munching on a SF pudding into which I've poured my shake powder. My incisions look well, if a bit bruised. I haven't taken any pain killers since I left the hospital on the evening of the 7th... just liquid tylenol. I remember reading other people's posts how they didn't like the pain killers and I was thinking, "yeah, right... I'm going to milk those for all they're worth!" but no... they were right. It makes it so much harder to keep moving and walking and drinking and spirometering and all the recovery stuff you need to do.

I haven't been able to get on these forums until now because I'm not allowed to lift/push/pull anything over 10 lbs. My laptop is 17 lbs. (it's a gaming laptop). So my hubby offered to put it in my lap this morning.

Anyhoo, I seem to be doing pretty well physically and mentally. Thanks for all the support from BariatricPal and the January 2014 sleevers group on FB! You guys are amazing!

Today is my two weekiversary. I had my post op appointment with my surgeon last Tuesday and he said I couldn't be progressing any better. I've been off the Tylenol for about three days now. I'm good for about 30-45 minutes of activity before I need a rest. Still having problems with exhaustion but it's getting better. I'm hitting my water and protein goals with no problems. I've started purées with no issues and I've never been so happy to have refried beans. It has been hard, I won't lie. But it's already been worth it. I'm down 20lbs since pre-op and 14lbs since surgery. Huzzah!

I'm so happy to hear your great news!!! I'm also 2 weeks post op and I'm down 21 pounds since 1 day preop when I started clear liquids. Like you I'm extremely happy and am having no complications. Yippie for us!!!!