I don't want to be the constant bringer up of the shit we've been put through being fat. We know don't need reminders, but it seems as I've got small I have to continue to put up with being bullied just to keep the peace.

My boyfriend whom I love honestly more than any other man I've ever loved in my life has absolutely no idea the hell I've been through. He was the popular boy, well to do brought up happy all american everything came to him when needed. Me, the girl fat made fun of never allowed in groups constantly talked about and put down and just to have socialization I learned to accept the fat girl jokes as my way of fitting in.

Today, he and I had a beautiful day. We went to the masters watched golf and I wound up getting sick, dehydrated and vomited. Wound up having to go to first aid and be treated by a doc and get some zofran because the vomiting was pretty bad. Monday I had a severe seizure and that has left me this entire week weak sick tired lethargic and just plain sick. Today wondering around I was walking slow and he got upset and said he didn't want to walk like we were retarded at such a slow pace. I just couldn't keep up and then boom the vomiting started. On our way home I told him was his best friend going to come over to pick up the masters tickets for tomorrow or what. He said no we are going to drive them over. It's 11pm and all three kids are asleep and I for one and wore out. His buddy's kids were at a sleep over and they were having a party at their house. I said why can't he swing by in the morning to pick them up. I'm hit with instant attitude. He just doesn't get keeping me and my three kids out past midnight isn't such a problem. When I brought it up that I'm good to him and I take good care of hi and how he treats me at times it hurts he told me basically I live my life in a woes me kinda style. I didn't have this or that so wahh I didn't get this and I'm going to continue to live my life as the victim in my life. I don't understand. I want him to understand as a parent you put your kids first. When your first can drive by the next day to get tickets let that occur don't put them above the familly you "say" is your family. Then he brings up when we were first six mos together i wsa never sickand now I constantly i am. I'm tired and I keep viruses ever since I had my appendix rupture in November. Then this monday I have this seizure. I just want him to understand he's a dad. his family comes first .. like I put my family first I don't get it. I want help understanding somebody tell me if I"m wrong or if I'm right I need help.

Thanks a lot for your responses.

So I've been seeing a lot of your posts the lasts couple weeks and have to wonder, after all the crap you've been through...are you in therapy? For starters you had an abusive relationship that no doubt has a lot of baggage that requires working through. Now you're apparently chronically I'll and again that has a lot to work through as well....

I know this doesn't answer your question or solve your problems but just wanted to make sure you are getting the help you need....

HW 312, pre-op (lap-band) 294, pre-op (RNY) 255, surgery date 2/11/13, goal weight 154, current weight 223

So I've been seeing a lot of your posts the lasts couple weeks and have to wonder, after all the crap you've been through...are you in therapy? .....

I know this doesn't answer your question or solve your problems but just wanted to make sure you are getting the help you need....

I know this is a support forum, so to me, the above comment is EXACTLY what I was about to say. You should consider therapy for yourself... and you should consider it for couples.

I am going through similar with my husband and he refuses to go to counseling. I go for myself though. I thought I read in another thread that you are disabled. I am too. My disability has been an EXTREME strain on our relationship, much of which was not my fault. Nuff said :wub:

I wanted to respond to this thread as well last night but didn't want to come across as the wrong tone. I too have read your posts and hope and pray you are in therapy as well. I think a good professional will be able to help you. Bless your heart and the struggles you have. I know that you will flourish once some of the underlying things are solved. HUGS!!

I was in an abusive relationship (still with the same man) it's verbal abusive. I won't lie & say my marriage is perfect nope! But he is in therapy. We are working threw our issues.

Do after all this I still want to leave? Yes I do why? I feel I can do better by my self. I'm consider disable had a back injury years ago when I worked. I don't get SSD will work on it after another year.

I have 2 special need kids & he blames me for that.

The only advice I can give you is seek therapy. Ever thought of being on your own with your kids? What does he do for you seriously?

Mine.... Pays all the bills that's basically all he does.

As a once Abused child and battered wife and fat girl you need to get help. It's so easy for ppl to say shut up stop crying over it. It is a lot harder to do so on your own I think you getting help is what will help you get over it. I have three kids of my own my oldest I had at 17 My first marriage ended with me in the hospital with countless broken bones. I don't let my past run my life and I don't Play the victim card because the longer you play it the longer you are a victim to stop being the victim you have to get help and get over it. I say this with a understanding and loving heart I know your pain but I know it can be overcame

Yes I've been in therapy since 2004 and I see my current therapist once a week. Thanks for all your comments I appreciate the honesty. To be hon est would it be easier if I just not post here anymore? A honest answer would be appreciated.

Also, I've tried to live on my own I was robbed twice which is why I decided to do the move I did. To repeat myself I have my family mothers dead, fathers left at ,9mos and no siblings what so ever so. Its essentially me and them and ppl who don't pay child support hardly.

I just wanted understanding of how to have a man understand at 11pm when ur friend is with friends and their kids are gone and my kids are tired a d asleep didn't need to be drove 30mins to hand deliver tickets when he was driving by our house this morning. He said he didn't want to get up to give them to him. I just don't understand how when he's been sick this entire week I've took great care of him. But I get sick vomit get attitude bc I'm walking slow and then told I don't like his friends bc I just wanted ro cone home a d lay down. Sorry I just wanted to be vent bc my feelings where hurt when I do so much fo someone I'm treated like that. That's all.

I PMed you

I just wanted understanding of how to have a man understand at 11pm when ur friend is with friends and their kids are gone and my kids are tired a d asleep didn't need to be drove 30mins to hand deliver tickets when he was driving by our house this morning. He said he didn't want to get up to give them to him. I just don't understand how when he's been sick this entire week I've took great care of him. But I get sick vomit get attitude bc I'm walking slow and then told I don't like his friends bc I just wanted ro cone home a d lay down. Sorry I just wanted to be vent bc my feelings where hurt when I do so much fo someone I'm treated like that. That's all.

I am horrible with words but im gonna give it a shot...i think what your saying is you didnt want advice on the whole relationship you just want help on how do u make him understand how you feel ....if thats the case its so hard to try and make men or for that matter anyone understand your feelings when they don't live in your shoes ...also hes not a mom and moms and dads are totally different ive just learned to accept it i personally just feel like some people dont use common sense like we do lol ..i love my husband to death he is a great husband and excellent father to our daughter but sometimes he does or says things that hurt and when i finally talk to him about it he feels bad because he didnt think about it the way i do

I don't want to be the constant bringer up of the shit we've been put through being fat. We know don't need reminders' date=' but it seems as I've got small I have to continue to put up with being bullied just to keep the peace.

My boyfriend whom I love honestly more than any other man I've ever loved in my life has absolutely no idea the hell I've been through. He was the popular boy, well to do brought up happy all american everything came to him when needed. Me, the girl fat made fun of never allowed in groups constantly talked about and put down and just to have socialization I learned to accept the fat girl jokes as my way of fitting in.

Today, he and I had a beautiful day. We went to the masters watched golf and I wound up getting sick, dehydrated and vomited. Wound up having to go to first aid and be treated by a doc and get some zofran because the vomiting was pretty bad. Monday I had a severe seizure and that has left me this entire week weak sick tired lethargic and just plain sick. Today wondering around I was walking slow and he got upset and said he didn't want to walk like we were retarded at such a slow pace. I just couldn't keep up and then boom the vomiting started. On our way home I told him was his best friend going to come over to pick up the masters tickets for tomorrow or what. He said no we are going to drive them over. It's 11pm and all three kids are asleep and I for one and wore out. His buddy's kids were at a sleep over and they were having a party at their house. I said why can't he swing by in the morning to pick them up. I'm hit with instant attitude. He just doesn't get keeping me and my three kids out past midnight isn't such a problem. When I brought it up that I'm good to him and I take good care of hi and how he treats me at times it hurts he told me basically I live my life in a woes me kinda style. I didn't have this or that so wahh I didn't get this and I'm going to continue to live my life as the victim in my life. I don't understand. I want him to understand as a parent you put your kids first. When your first can drive by the next day to get tickets let that occur don't put them above the familly you "say" is your family. Then he brings up when we were first six mos together i wsa never sickand now I constantly i am. I'm tired and I keep viruses ever since I had my appendix rupture in November. Then this monday I have this seizure. I just want him to understand he's a dad. his family comes first .. like I put my family first I don't get it. I want help understanding somebody tell me if I"m wrong or if I'm right I need help.

Thanks a lot for your responses.[/quote']

There's no way I'd wake up my kids to drag them out in the night. It's clear that there was nothing stopping his friend from picking up the tickets and if he wanted them bad enough he would or at least should have. And as far as u being sick that man should be waiting on you hand and foot especially if I understood correctly an you gave him a child!? He should ask you what you need! Good luck girl

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Of course you should keep posting on here, this is a place to vent, to get advice AND support when sometimes its hard to find elsewhere. Life isnt always good news and candy coated happy positive crap, so if people dont like your posts, they dont have to read them, they are free to go on to another topic and not give you a hard time about yours.

We've all been through many of the same experiences, we should be here for each other. As a mom, you are absolutely right-those babies come first and he was kind of an ass (sorry) for not understanding that. These little boys just somketimes never fully grow up and still have these parts of them that want to hang with their friends and party and forget about their real responsibilities. And after the week you had with the seizure and everything, he is lucky you were even able to go with him to The Masters,then while there you get so sick, you poor thing. The least of his worries should be that you were walking a little too slow for him. I hope youre feeling better, sending good thoghts and hugs your way!! :wub:

I understand you all the way ask anyone here. I have every issue there is. Read my post I'm a real person with real problems & I'm working hard on solving them or paying my own bills & moving out. Post & vent away this is a support group.

I deleted this bc I don't want him reading that I shared our convo. Thanks for the messages and responses u guys I appreciate it.

He really sounds like a keeper!!! Keep the lines of communication open.

He really is an amazing man. I actually talked to his best friend last night. One thing I told him is for one Austin is 37yrs old. He's never had a child and then suddenly he meets me a mom with three 11,9 and 3. He immediately delve into the role of dad, trying like all new dads do. One thing I think he struggles with is learning to put them completely first. He doesn't quiet get that its not smart to be out on holidays late at night because of drunks or because their tired etc. I talked to his best friend who's been a dad for 11 years like me and he said he's gonna see if he can kinda get him to that final ah-ha dad moment of okay it really isn't about me anymore. He plans on adopting my son and is adamantly trying with the girls. I'm frustrated because when he gets in these moods he gets hateful, stubborn and he doesn't get its about the kids. So I'm trying to figure out HOW to get him to see this and stop it because he's did this sorta thing more than once. His mom actually had to jump him one night before he just kept lingering around talking and she was was like "AUSTIN YOUR KIDS HAVE TO GO TO BED!" I try to say stuff, but then thats when his defensiveness kicks in. So what do u do? Whats worse is we're dealing with a shrink.. he's a psychologist himself. o.O