SHRINK'N VIOLETS

Hello all... I'm Tracy and I'm starting this thread because I just found out that I'm scheduled for Surgery on April 26, 2007.

fffffffffffffffffffast forward to April 30, 2007

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

We made it to the other side of bandland and now we are set to support one another while we shrink our booties and grow into our new smaller skins.

All are welcome to join in and post, but we are not a group that bickers..... please be supportive as we all have different paths to follow... but the journies to the more healthy self beckons....

Let the losing begin!!!!!!!!!!!

Kity- LOL! Yes, as soon as I see who goes home I'll PM you :target: But my hopes, it will be baldy.. Paul I think it is. I just don't like him!

Thanks Laura- It is Paul or Phil or something like that. I like Jordan or Blake to win it, but love all of the people now...hated idiot sanjaya. I will look for the pm;)

That is a very inspiring post, Lunasa. Thanks so much. It correlates directly with the book I've been reading so i've already thought about (and journaled) these questions. The positive goals I have for myself (the things I am running toward) are:

1) To be fit and strong, making regular vigorous exercise as habitual as brushing my teeth.

2) To be fit and attractive. Ultimate goal is to be a size 10. This is as much for my husband as for myself. I want him to be proud to be with me and I want an improvement in our bedroom. I can't wait to go shopping!

These are my goals. Real simple but I want it B-A-D. Because I want it bad and can maintain unrelenting enthusiasm for it, I know I will achieve it.

Terri- I want it to improve my sex life also. Hope no one is offended by the talk of this, but it made me feel better.. I lost my libido about 6 months ago. I've been gaining weight up until the band decision, and I think I was either depressed, or didn't like how I looked. I never concerned myself in the bedroom about how I looked, unlike some overweight friends of mine, I didn't insist on keeping a shirt or something on during sex, etc. But in the past 6 months I have just not wanted to do anything sexual. It really bothered me, and I didn't know why I had such a hard time 'getting into it'. We would go weeks at a time because I would just push him away. But since being banded, my libido is STRONG. Which makes me really think it was a mental thing. I already feel better about myself because I know I made a change. The past 3 nights, I've been insatiable! Me and fiance also talked about how, since I've never been a normal weight with him, when I lose weight, we're hoping the sex will be even better because I'll be more flexible and no back pains so I can do.. more. :target: That's on my list of things I look forward to, most definitely. I'm glad my libido is finally coming back as well. And a couple years ago this guy I knew really had a thing for me. I was with my fiance, so it was amusing really. He offered my fiance 12k to sleep with me. I'm 90% sure he was serious (I won't go into the story). I just thought "What an idiot", but I bring this up because the other night my fiance said "You know, I'll have to tell the guy the price went up to 20k in a few months". He meant it as a compliment I guess LOL but I said 'Are you saying I'll be worth more skinny??' and he said "No, that's not what I was saying!" and I said "So, my sex will be worth 20k in a few months but not now?". I was teasing him of course, but it was funny, and I like being light hearted about all of this. I've yet to feel like I'm having psychological problems not being able to binge eat (Which I recognized I am an emotional eater, and if I had problems after being banded (and still plan to) I will seek counseling.. so far so good though!), and I think part of it is due to my lighter attitude.

Lunasa- I bet there was smoke coming off of the keyboard, girl!

LOL...Yes. There prob was smoke...but that was prob because I was smoking!!

Well done SARA...remember your positive intentions.

Anyway as if that last rant wasn't enough...I had a visitor before I actually got to my point!!

What I discovered about myself is that I was moulding my efforts into other peoples plans & ideas on how to live my life. I was treating weight as the only issue. The more pressing issue was completely buried & I was only starting to dig away to find it.

But dig I did and I found a total split & tug of war in my self. I had been torn between mind body & spirit. I was not in harmony as those lucky monks are.

My mind knew that my spirit was broken, and my body was just the result of the abuses I had chosen to depend on, but I hated it. I had desicrated my body through years of critisism yet used it to fulfil my needs.

So I began by working to bring myself together as a whole. Mind, body & spirit. Mind you, in taking the time to do that I threw out the scales & didn't worry bout that for a while & that freed me...but I gained.

I put that aside & began my mission. I began looking at children around me who are now the age I was when I became aware of my insecurities & I felt not only sad but relieved. In my innocence I was too young to understand but my world was real & I didn't know what was going on back then when I would feel inadequate.

I started to understand why these insecurities developed as I subconsciously carried them with me growing up & I was only trying to survive as best I could and I found I had developed behaviours that seemed to work but left me with consequences I couldn't deal with. I began to feel I could finally forgive myself then. I actually felt empowered that I had achieved an outcome, even if it was negative,,I had created it. So I began to see the power of thought, belief & the possibility of creating your own outcomes.

And I began to loose my anger that had been holding me back.

Now I have not found total enlightment, nor am I completely "at one" with myself but I am much clearer in my thoughts & more understanding of my fears. None of this makes it any easier, when you're lurking around the kitchen mind you, but it does make me more mindful...and this time I am not trying to be perfect but at least I am not pissing in the wind anymore...it was very confusing.

I can see where I am going now & sometimes it feels like It's very far away, sometimes I even forget the destination.... but I will get there MY WAY. I will not being dragged kicking & screaming as before, leaving half of me behind. I will get there as a whole (a whole and a band) and on my journey every now & then I can look back and say...ah, that feels great...well done me...I love ya!!

Sorry Terri I was posting as you were...

And sex...Eh....YES PLEASE !!! Me Toooooo!!!:heh:

Sex... what is sex??? Two nights ago I was told by dbf that the thought of my port grossed him out... I said... GREAT! NOW MY PORT GROSSES YOU OUT.. we are NEVER going to have sex again are we??? To which he replied........ JESUS TRACY NOT THIS AGAIN! Don't START.. and stomped to the living room...... (and note this all started to go down hill when I was still wearing a size 10/12, and NO he has no problem perking up, and I lost count of how many months its been... Lost count in January)

He has no libido........ and I'm guessing it is a long standing issue because his ex wife cheated on him which is why they divorced........ OK.. sorry for the TMI about my lack of sex life...... but you guys hit a geyser with the topic. (pun intended)

(((((TRACY)))))

We're in the same boat....My DH has no libido. It sucks...I thought it was suppose to be the other way around!!

And I agree I think it's a psychological thing with them. I believe his home life led to him blanking out his urges. there was no sex inhis house.

I don't know how him & his sister came to be,,,unless they were found under a head of cabbage.

Hey!! what happened my post!!

Anyway..i was saying ((((Tracy)))) am in the same boat as you... My DH is lacking in libido & I agree it's psychological. His parents had trouble, and I believe it led him to blank out in that dept.

And I also said..that I don't know how he & his DS came to be unless they were found under a head of cabbage.... thats mean though but hey...True!!

oh...nothing happened my post...my bad....sorry LOL

LOL! Lunasa.. a head of cabbage...... that has to be it!

and might I mention..............

IT IS NOT FREAKEN FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't even know I LIKED sex til I got divorced! and now the tides have turned........

OK done whining about it!

Lunasa -- AMAZING POST-S!! And THAT is EXACTLY the level of self-discovery that I feel I need to work to in tandem with the band. I truly feel like I have been given the opportunity for a brand new life -- not just a thin(ner) one, but one that incorporates mind/body/spirit. Wow. Thank you for prompting some deep self-exploration for me!

Laura -- Sex... what is this strange word of which you speak??? I lost my libido a couple YEARS ago... it must've fallen out of my purse when I wasn't looking! I know that my issues stem 100% from how I look & feel and am cautiously optimistic that problems in that area may improve post-band. I honestly think that's the ONLY reason that dh is even a little bit supportive of this whole thing... men!

OK... back to work...

getting ready to head off to a meeting.................

check back later!

NOTE: I've drank about 2/3rds of my SOUP at Hand Velvelty Potatoe and am throwing the rest away!

Kat: any word on Rick today????

LOL about the head of cabbage.

Tracy- I'm the kind of person to point out my flaws before anyone else can. So with my port, during sex I looked down and it was dimpled in all weird from the fat and the incision. So I took a moment to point it out, I said 'eww lookit that' and he laughed and 'kept right on'. So I'm not self-conscious about my port.. he doesn't seem to care, and frankly he's the only one seeing it (except the few people at work I flashed so they could see it LOL). What bothers your dbf about your port?? Where the incision is, they did lots of stitches it feels like under the skin, so its a hard mass, but I couldn't get fiance to touch it.. I was telling him it's weird because it's so hard, and he said he'd take my word for it.

Tracy & Lunasa,

I'll join ya sisters in the DH low libido....mine bought me a 'rampent rabbit' and now al he has to do is buy the batteries!

Actually its no laughing matter, I get terribly sad over it, I pray that if I lose the weight he might find me more attractive.

Sara xx