I gather all my bills and started looking at the amount I owe. I owe under 8,000 but over 7,000 only 2 of the bills are over 1,000 but under 4,000. Instead of having someone throw it in my face how they are always paying the bills. I decided if my bills are due in the 1st week of the month. I will try to pay it off as long as I get to the mail box 1st. I don't want him knowing what I'm doing so he don't bitch & say well pay your own bills since you have money now. Remember I get 2 checks a month only the beginning of the month. He doesn't have in mind the names of the credit card bills I have or anything so he won't be asking if I got any bills. I should be done in a few months with the small bills. The bigger bills he would have to pay there is no way I can come up with thousands of dollars to pay it. I will save and attempt to pay it but I find it impossible.

Let's say... I pay off my bills what's next?

I guess I have to keep saving or start saving to get an apartment,but if I have a few thousands for an apartment. How do I have the government help me pay my rent? Or I'm I suppose to go down to the welfare office tell them I have to move & they find me a place & pay the rent or do they want me in the streets in a shelter to put me in a bad housing where my kids will be scare.

I'm all ears.... Let me know what to do. My husband isn't planning on changing & I don't want to be 40 living the sameway. Arguing & fighting almost daily.

I'm starting to feel sad. I want to do what's best for my kids. I know once I'm on my own I will be happy it's a matter of getting there.

****just sending you huggsss***

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk

I would contact your credit cards directly. Explain that your income is being cut due to divorce and you need a payment plan. Most will work with you, stop or cut interest rates and give you a payment you can handle. Even if they don't, at least they would know you are strapped. Then forget about it and take care of yourself and your kids. I have 2 sons with autism and one with anxiety issues. I always put them before anyone or anything else.

mami you and your kids are way more important then any credit score i would not worry about that right now get out to safety with your children you can always rebuild your credit once your on your feet

Yes my children are more important. Also if my credit is f-up how would anyone trust me? Can't get a house apartment unless it's a housing project that scores means nada to them. I want more & better things & life for my future with my kids.

I would contact your credit cards directly. Explain that your income is being cut due to divorce and you need a payment plan. Most will work with you' date=' stop or cut interest rates and give you a payment you can handle. Even if they don't, at least they would know you are strapped. Then forget about it and take care of yourself and your kids. I have 2 sons with autism and one with anxiety issues. I always put them before anyone or anything else.[/quote']

I will call but only 2 companies the rest aren't high interest but if I have no income on my own yeah it's taking forever for me to pay them. Companies don't really wanna help you though I remember years ago I called and they wanted me to pay in like 3 months a large amount. I was like I might as well keep paying what I can per month.

I wouldn't be worrying about your credit score right now. That's just your mind making excuses for you.

My ex used to always try to plant that seed in my head as well.

I decided I would rather be broke and happy then taken care of and miserable. I think your kids would be better off too. They will get used to a life style change if it means everyone will be happy in the long run. Not saying you should go for public housing, just live within your means. Hopefully your teenager will understand and the little ones won't notice much difference.

I know it's not much advice, but trust me, I've been in the same exact position as you.

I wouldn't be worrying about your credit score right now. That's just your mind making excuses for you.

My ex used to always try to plant that seed in my head as well.

I decided I would rather be broke and happy then taken care of and miserable. I think your kids would be better off too. They will get used to a life style change if it means everyone will be happy in the long run. Not saying you should go for public housing' date=' just live within your means. Hopefully your teenager will understand and the little ones won't notice much difference.

I know it's not much advice, but trust me, I've been in the same exact position as you.[/quote']

Thanks idk I also need money. I don't want to be in debt & broke! I do need to leave but nit broke & not with bills. Gotta fix that first.

All the advice in the world will do no good till you feel it's time to leave. Everyone just trying to help. It just shows that strangers do care.

You will know the time. Just don't wait till its to late for you and your children.

My wife had no money no job few friends to turn to one day she had enough no more beating no more unwanted sex at 3 in the morning no more name calling. It was the hardest thing she did. Today I have the most wonderful woman in the world she's smart,beautiful and she's nobody's push over any more.

You will be alright your time is around the corner

Just take care of your self and the kids

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

mami please if its affecting the kids get the heck outta there you will find a apartment for you and your kids they are out there screw the credit card companies if it came to it that is exactly what i would do credit can be rebuilt children are forever

You guys are making me sad. I know it's the truth but it's a hard decision. I took my vows serious for better or worst but it's just getting worst but I'm just holding on to a miracle. I have my mind set. This won't be till I'm 40 or till my small kids are teenagers. I want to try to make it on my own hold on just a little longer. My bills are very important to me. I work hard building my credit to let it get destroy over night. I want to save money so we have a bed to sleep on at least until I get a job or something to get furniture.

I know to everyone I'm making excuses,but I want to think & not make a mistake coming back crawling with my finger up my ass saying "I shouldn't had left" you understand what I mean? I want to be 100% sure if I can infact make it on my own. Will my kids be asking for him all day. Will they want to go with him. I want a supervisor there with visitation I don't trust him. Might put things in there mind like I found someone simply cuz I left. Talk about your low class no more Co-op apartment. Making my kids feel bad like they lost everything cuz parents aren't together.

It's hard when all you know is your husband & family. When all you have to do is ask or say I want this & you get it. When you don't have to work can nap when you want.

My only issue is verbal abuse. He does everything else a man should do but his verbal abuse is pushing me away & counseling isn't helping. We are getting another counselor after next week then maybe a family counselor cuz my teenager is being affected by all this. He got mad at me after section was over saying I talk to much & he doesn't have to tell me I'm sexy or anything. He works all day & don't have time for all this crap.

Mami I'm so sorry to be hearing this. Since you rebuilt your credit can't u apply for a loan? Get yourself on your feet , get a job while kids are in school or daycare for your young children? Get the hell out and maybe he'll realize and change for the better. Maybe he needs that reality to hit him right in the face. Leaving might be a good thing.

Mami I'm so sorry to be hearing this. Since you rebuilt your credit can't u apply for a loan? Get yourself on your feet ' date=' get a job while kids are in school or daycare for your young children? Get the hell out and maybe he'll realize and change for the better. Maybe he needs that reality to hit him right in the face. Leaving might be a good thing.[/quote']

I never try to apply for a loan. I'm looking for work but no one is hiring & they also don't have the hours I need. I look at it this way. If I'm going to make less then I get on SSI monthly I rather wait just a while longer till I get a good paying job.

My wife the domestic counselor says only you can make that decision to leave. But know this as soon as you leave your husban will be there (saying oh baby I will change) I will do counseling thing will change baby trust me. 7 out off 10 woman will go back for what they call the honey moon period. Then things will return to normal and you will have to leave again. It happen all the time. It's hard to Journy into the unknown. As for kids the younger they are the harder it is for them to understand they think it's there fault. Kids understand more of what's going on then we give the credit for. There is Counseling for them to. Know that only you know when enough is enough.

We are pulling for you and your kids

And don't let this affect you WLS

Good luck

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

My wife the domestic counselor says only you can make that decision to leave. But know this as soon as you leave your husban will be there (saying oh baby I will change) I will do counseling thing will change baby trust me. 7 out off 10 woman will go back for what they call the honey moon period. Then things will return to normal and you will have to leave again. It happen all the time. It's hard to Journy into the unknown. As for kids the younger they are the harder it is for them to understand they think it's there fault. Kids understand more of what's going on then we give the credit for. There is Counseling for them to. Know that only you know when enough is enough.

We are pulling for you and your kids

And don't let this affect you WLS

Good luck

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

Thanks

I want him to change. Is that asking for too much? I love my kids but if I would had saw it before the big picture I wouldn't have added two more kids. Yes only I can make the decision,but I feel like I lose so much. I was a teenager then I past my 20's now I'm in my 30's three kids later. So much bills. I feel like all I know is him. I learn to cook to his liking. I learn how to make checks to pay the bills. I learn to budget after losing my job. I'm learning about special need kids & autism children. I went to school & finish to be an assistance pharmacist. I work in an office. I learn a lot of things. I learn to drive. I have grown up. I'm 33 years old had surgery feeling good about it. I want to be happy & have a successful marriage. Why it's falling apart?? I done everything to try to save it. Everyone except my grand mother is divorce. I'm so sad. I been with my husband for such a long time. He promise to always take care of me. Now I feel I want to be free & fly away. Why is life so unfair?

What does not kill us makes us stronger

Does not answer any of our question but sounds good.

People grow apart and it's hard to let go. Everyone of my brothers have been married at least 2 & 3 times I'm still on my first and only. Not saying it will last ( I sure hope so) we just try to be real with each other and no bull ship.

Nobody will have the answers you are looking for that's something you and your husban have to figure out.

My opinion sounds like a jealous husban that wants things his way a fat wife to cook and clean his house and to care for his kids and servise him when He wants it

Not what you want what he wants sound curl it is.

Things will work out for you it will just take time.

Everybody here cares their just trying to help

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

Verbal abuse not only affects yourself, but your kids as well and their overall development. It may not be obvious now or they may not speak up about it, but each fight and each mean word said will stay with them for awhile, if not for life at that young of age. I'm sure they see their mother being treated badly by their father and eventually they internalize that and may start blaming themselves. If you can't leave the relationship now because you're hoping he'll change, then at least try to help your children out in some way. I think if you allow your kids to stay in this destructive and dangerous environment, then at least have them see a therapist. Everything a child goes through now, builds them into what they'll become in the future. Negative or positive. Help them if you can't find it in yourself to leave just yet.

Like another person added, sometimes heading into the unknown can be terrifying when all you've ever known is the life you've had for the past few years. It's hard knowing you have to leave behind that sort of comfort, but if you take that leap, I promise you won't regret it and I promise you you're much stronger than you think. It may be rocky at first, but just trust that you've made the right decision for yourself and your kids to leave.

You ARE strong and you must realize YOU matter! You just had a major surgery for yourself making YOU a priority! This is the first step. Make yourself and your kids your priority. When your husband accuses you of cheating and looking too sexy because you've lost weight, it's just his attempt to manipulate and control you. Any time you feel good about yourself, he fears you will leave, and he plants things in your mind like "you're not good enough. You can't make it without me. No one else will love you" and things like that. Eventually tou start to believe it. That's why it's so hard to leave right now! See what he's done? He played this mind game with you, your self esteem has faltered, and that's just what he wants! He's a coward, that's all. He's insecure himself, and needs to beat on you emotionally so he can control you enough so you'll say to yourself "He's right. I'm not good enough. I need him. I can't make it on my own" so you just keep staying. It's a cycle only you can break.

Hang in there Mami. It's hard to find the courage to leave, but you have it in you, you just need to look deeper