Hello,

Gosh! I hate having people knowing what I'm dealing with,but my good friend moved to Florida,and I lost all my friends once I got with my husband. I had a best friend guy,and my husband found a photo of him,and said I didn't know you were into black guys. I said he's my best friend. He said there's no such thing as a boy/girl best friends. So growing up I didn't have a computer so yeah I wanted a computer once I got with my husband,and my computer became part of my world. I meet my best friend on line she's Jamaican,and we are still friends. I meet other people,but it didn't work out. So the few people I do know are my neighbors. So I rely,and depend on the computer for communication,and to interact with other people.

I'm having a hard time with my marriage now. We are in marriage counseling,but my husband is a totally different person with the counselor,and is a whole different person once she leaves. I'm trying hard to hang on to this marriage,but I feel it's over,and I have done everything I can to try to save it.

Arguement today: Me, 8pm why don't you order a pizza.

him, nothing

Time passes: I'm feeding my kids him: since you been on this diet you put everyone on a diet. I told you this was going to happen. Me, I'm not on a diet. I cook all the time. I told you to order pizza at 8pm and it's passed 9pm.. He then continue saying your going to have to pay your own bills. How much is my half of the phone bill? I said we have a family plan and we just renew it. If you felt this way you should had let me know before the contract was renew. He also told me to get a job. I said are you going to watch the kids? He said no that would be your problem. I said ok then I will see what happens. I also said tomorrow your gonna be all happy as if nothing happen.

Well here is the real deal.... He is always accusing me of cheating which I'm not. I go threw my moments where I won't cook for a day. He says someone is putting things in my brain. Who? I don't have any friends. I get two checks per month and in total is under $700 How do I pay my bills which is I say $500 minium payment in total. Then also buy grocery & on top of that buy diapers. It's impossible for me to do all that. If I get a job,and it's minium wage my kids disability will be cut or maybe taking away. If I'm not going to be making tons of money it's not worth me working. Oh god I don't know what to do. At this moment I know I'm near finishing my bills,but I can't do it on my own. My back is messed up so I'm trying to apply for social security not SSI. I can't even sleep. I'm hear thinking what I'm going to do.

Well' date=' you have lots to think about now. It's up to you how and when after you look into whatever can help you and your children to get out and grow after this. You will be fine. Don't do what I did and hang in for 31 years until he left. Get your life started as soon as you can.

Much strength being sent to you![/quote']

Thanks I'm praying god will put his hands over him to change but I don't think it will work. So I do feel leaving is my best option. I don't see my self at age40 with this man. I feel more unhappy then happy. If I feel this way imagine my kids.

You hit the jack pot. I grown comfort in my marriage. I sometimes feel like a nobody. I simply have 3 kids & I'm there mom. I don't work outside the home. I get a disability checks for my kids and that's how I can buy food clothes diapers. I use there money because that's all I have. I sit home wait till they come out of school. During the day cook & clean sometimes nap lots of time computer. I have no buddies. I lost the best relationship I had my mom. Now I can't repair it. I feel I wasted my life just having babies & being home.

I'm so sorry Mami. It will get better eventually.

Social security for me is when you worked & made enough credit so if you get disable that's what you paid for social security.

Social security disability is for most people that never worked or kids that have special need like mine.

I want to leave the marriage. I don't have another man on the side or in this group. I want to be alone. I want to be in a regular nice building good area & that it doesn't affect my kids education. I want them safe. I don't want arguing screaming cursing them hearing there dad call me a bitch & hole. Call them retards. Say they are animals. And other names. They ate growing up & my 15 year old knows it all but I have a chance to make it right as soon as my bills are paid. I had enough. Kiddos are growing & it's getting worst. He cures everything with "I'm sorry" and I'm suppose to accept it & have sex and act like everything is fine.

If he is verbally abusing you and your kids you need to get Them out. You can get help at a womens shelter and they have advisers there that can help you get on your feet. I know your money Situation isn't ideal but every day your kids are near the hostile environment there is damage being done.

If he is verbally abusing you and your kids you need to get Them out. You can get help at a womens shelter and they have advisers there that can help you get on your feet. I know your money Situation isn't ideal but every day your kids are near the hostile environment there is damage being done.

The only one affected right now is my 15 year old but she is in counseling. My small kids are special needs & have no idea what's going on & wants to be with there father no matter what.

I do hope your county has Women's Services in the Executive offices. They can be a big help. Do look into it even if you aren't doing anything now. Just to have the info for when needed.

Mami, I have two special needs kids...I know how tough it can be. If I can be any help, please let me know.

Mami' date=' I have two special needs kids...I know how tough it can be. If I can be any help, please let me know.[/quote']

Thankyou!