Dating post-op..does it get easier?

[gamergirl 4,609]

Are there any single moms venturing into the world of dating post-op? I keep coming across men who initially like me and when I tell them I have a child' date=' they start back tracking. One even told me he wanted children of his own, not someone else's child. I didn't realize how challenging it could be.[/quote']

I had two while I was dating. You kinds have to put it out there upfront and only spend/waste time on people who are okay with who you are.

In my case, I wasn't born here, I had two kids one of who Is adopted and biracial. I was better educated and more financially successful than most of the men out there, and I was not Barbie, plus I am very independent and opinionated.

TRUST ME, if I found someone, so can any of you

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Had my first date in 33 years (eeek!!!), 3 months post surgery. It wasn't a success because I hadn't really shifted my thinking about my worth at that time, although how I looked had altered a lot.

I wasn't desperate, probably just grateful to be noticed. But looking back 2 months later, I am wondering what the heck I was thinking lol.

He wasn't right for me from the outset but I agreed to go on a couple of dates just because he was interested in me.... Not good, eh?

But it gave me a chance to take a long hard look at me and decide I was worth more than settling for second best cos I didn't feel worthy. Since those dates, my confidence has come on leaps and bounds with the compliments I have had about my new look.

Last weekend bumped into someone who was on the periphery of my life 35 years ago. Got chatting, he took my number and called me today :-) He was interesting and funny, seemed well balanced and laid back- so I have agreed to meet up. Watch this space as I wind myself into a state as it approaches, lol.

For me, dating post sleeve continues to evolve slowly. But I won't be settling for anything less than I deserve this time...

[soccergirl88 56]

Had my first date in 33 years (eeek!!!)' date=' 3 months post surgery. It wasn't a success because I hadn't really shifted my thinking about my worth at that time, although how I looked had altered a lot. I wasn't desperate, probably just grateful to be noticed. But looking back 2 months later, I am wondering what the heck I was thinking lol. He wasn't right for me from the outset but I agreed to go on a couple of dates just because he was interested in me.... Not good, eh? But it gave me a chance to take a long hard look at me and decide I was worth more than settling for second best cos I didn't feel worthy. Since those dates, my confidence has come on leaps and bounds with the compliments I have had about my new look. Last weekend bumped into someone who was on the periphery of my life 35 years ago. Got chatting, he took my number and called me today :-) He was interesting and funny, seemed well balanced and laid back- so I have agreed to meet up. Watch this space as I wind myself into a state as it approaches, lol. For me, dating post sleeve continues to evolve slowly. But I won't be settling for anything less than I deserve this time...[/quote'] Good for you Indigo! It's so important for us to realize we are worth it and deserve the best! If you don't mind me asking, do you recommend going on dates with men even if you know it probably won't work just to get one's toes in the Water so to speak?

[gamergirl 4,609]

Good for you Indigo! It's so important for us to realize we are worth it and deserve the best! If you don't mind me asking' date=' do you recommend going on dates with men even if you know it probably won't work just to get one's toes in the Water so to speak?[/quote'] I know you didn't ask me but I went on 200 dates during an 18-month period so may I answer as well?

If you are nervous about dating then it might help to go on dates just to "exercise". But really your time is precious and the time you spend on someone you know is not right is wasted time. You could have spent that trying to find the right person. More importantly, every rejection hurts. Even when it's someone you weren't interested in, it still hurts when they reject you! This whole process is hard on the ego.

Note this is true for everyone! My 23-year old, naturally skinny, extremely together and good looking son (I'm not biased, why do you ask?) faces the same issues we do. It's as difficult in its own way for him, as it is for us.

I saw every date as a job interview. I am successful at work, but was not successful at dating. So I approached it as I did work. The key is to remember that THEY are interviewing for the job, not you. You are going on that date, not to see if they like you, but to determine if you like them. Your job is to ask questions to determine if they are right for you, not to figure out how to get them to like you.

Once you accept that is your objective, then why go out with someone who you know won't fit the bill? As I said, use it to practice but then shift gears quickly once you are comfortable with meeting me people.

Btw, of the 200 dates, at least 185 were first dates. SMH. Heck of an 18-months.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Soccergirl88, I am with Gamergirl, think you do need to "practise" dating to get the hang of it again. I don't believe the first or second man I meet will be someone I want to spend my life with. I also want to date to see who the grownup me likes - and it's very different from my 19 year old self. As long as it doesn't get soul destroying - by dating totally unsuitable men - I hope that I will meet some interesting men and maybe find someone special... Like Gamergirl :-))))

[kwigillingok 177]

I will have my first post surgery date, in a couple of weeks. Guy knows about my surgery, he sent me flowers while I was in the hospital and talked to me on phone pre op to help me through jitters then talked to me immediately post op and through the night, making sure I was ok. We've been friends for over a year, if only he didn't live in Georgia... I will be 6 weeks out by time he visits so we will go to dinner and I'll watch him eat! Lol

[Brighteyes 237]

This whole conversation is a little ironic. Since I got fat I haven't dated much, not that I was great at it when I was skinny either...lol. My best friend, a guy, asked me today about when I was having surgery and then immediately asked me when do I plan on getting married or having kids. SMH. I laughed at him cause I hadn't really thought about it. But I like the idea of practice dating and doing the online thing. Got to start somewhere I guess. Lol

[2ndChanceHeth 15]

First and foremost- dont let yourself get beat down- you are a person of worth and value.... You have to enter these situations believing a man is lucky to be with you.... Nobody, man or woman is fun to be around when they have the eeyore syndrome;)...... Secondly, i dated online quite a bit but found eharmony to be pretty snobby- try match.com

[soccergirl88 56]

I signed up for eharmony and match...match seems to be working better but I've yet to go on a first date :-( I agree it's all about practice! I'm still learning how writer a good first email lol.

[marywithoutsound 148]

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared!

I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet.

I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him, would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult!

[gamergirl 4,609]

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared! I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet. I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him' date=' would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult![/quote']

Think of this like any other surgery. When would you tell someone you had a cardiac bypass? This is no different. I wouldn't tell anyone that on the first date but you may be comfortable with that, but think of it like any health condition.

If he agreed to meet you then obviously he likes you just fine based on your pic, right? enjoy.

[marywithoutsound 148]

Thank you gamergirl! You are so right and I didn't think of it in that way at all!

I think this is just such a minefield and I am over thinking everything .

[gamergirl 4,609]

Thank you gamergirl! You are so right and I didn't think of it in that way at all! I think this is just such a minefield and I am over thinking everything .

Did someone say overthinking?? Welcome to my life!

[butterfly_gal 151]

I hope it is going better for you all than it has for me! I have been on match.com and all I get are creepers

I am shocked. This is a paying site and these guys are just looking for a quickie!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Lol, yup, there are some scarey guys online - but maybe they are thinking the same about me :-))))