Dating post-op..does it get easier?

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Well' date=' I'm in Vegas with my new guy. We went to a UNLV football game. Held hands, played kissy face a bit. It's so much fun being with him. I am 5'9" and when I weighed 392 I felt very uncomfortable with a man shorter than I because I felt huge around them. Kinda like a female version of The Incredible Hulk!! But now I'm 190, I have no problem being with this wonderful man who happens to be 3 inches shorter than me. I think it has to do with being confident in myself and the way I look. I never feel huge around him, either...so far, so good. It really feels good to be dating again. It's too early for any kind of sexual stuff, and I'm really worried about all this extra skin I have. But, I did already tell him about the surgery....he just hasn't seen my body in my birthday suit yet. I think I'll just breaking it to him slowly, little bits at a time. That way if it does get to the point where there's intimacy, he'll already have a good idea what to expect. Some how, from our first few dates, I get the feeling it's not gonna matter a lot to him. I think he really likes me and I know I like him....let's just see where this goes.[/quote']I am so happy for you.

[BethinPA 305]

Well' date=' I'm in Vegas with my new guy. We went to a UNLV football game. Held hands, played kissy face a bit. It's so much fun being with him. I am 5'9" and when I weighed 392 I felt very uncomfortable with a man shorter than I because I felt huge around them. Kinda like a female version of The Incredible Hulk!! But now I'm 190, I have no problem being with this wonderful man who happens to be 3 inches shorter than me. I think it has to do with being confident in myself and the way I look. I never feel huge around him, either...so far, so good. It really feels good to be dating again. It's too early for any kind of sexual stuff, and I'm really worried about all this extra skin I have. But, I did already tell him about the surgery....he just hasn't seen my body in my birthday suit yet. I think I'll just breaking it to him slowly, little bits at a time. That way if it does get to the point where there's intimacy, he'll already have a good idea what to expect. Some how, from our first few dates, I get the feeling it's not gonna matter a lot to him. I think he really likes me and I know I like him....let's just see where this goes.[/quote']

I am so happy to hear that this trip is going well! Thanks for sharing!

[BethinPA 305]

I'd like to hear some feedback, if I could…as I'm venturing back out "there", I get asked "why haven't you been scooped up yet?" Or "why haven't you ever been married". I stumble on my answers, because that really seems too personal to answer. One guy's follow up question to the never been married question was "well, have you ever been asked?" That was rediculously awkward! I think some guys mean it as a compliment, but it doesn't feel complimentary to be asked these questions! Suggestions?

[gamergirl 4,610]

I'd like to hear some feedback' date=' if I could…as I'm venturing back out "there", I get asked "why haven't you been scooped up yet?" Or "why haven't you ever been married". I stumble on my answers, because that really seems too personal to answer. One guy's follow up question to the never been married question was "well, have you ever been asked?" That was rediculously awkward! I think some guys mean it as a compliment, but it doesn't feel complimentary to be asked these questions! Suggestions?[/quote']

I will admit I wondered that about 40+ year old men who were still single. But it was really short-hand for "are you a commitment-phobe?" "Do you have a bad temper/addiction/something I should know about?" "Do your exes typically place restraining orders against you?"

I think it's okay to say "I haven't found the right person"' and add something like "I really would like to be in a committed relationship with the right guy" (if that's true) or "I've come close a few times but it didn't work out." Or something generic that reassures them that you're not a player but that life hasn't gone down that path for you yet.

As to the idiot who asked if you've ever been asked? How rude! I'd ask back why he thinks you have to be asked. After all you could do the asking! In that case what's relevant is not the answer to the question but rather the fact that he just disqualified himself by being an ass. Saved you the trouble.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I will admit I wondered that about 40+ year old men who were still single. But it was really short-hand for "are you a commitment-phobe?" "Do you have a bad temper/addiction/something I should know about?" "Do your exes typically place restraining orders against you?"

I think it's okay to say "I haven't found the right person"' and add something like "I really would like to be in a committed relationship with the right guy" (if that's true) or "I've come close a few times but it didn't work out." Or something generic that reassures them that you're not a player but that life hasn't gone down that path for you yet.

As to the idiot who asked if you've ever been asked? How rude! I'd ask back why he thinks you have to be asked. After all you could do the asking! In that case what's relevant is not the answer to the question but rather the fact that he just disqualified himself by being an ass. Saved you the trouble.

Haha my first thought is "could prison time explain it?"

honestly i think it is natural for dates to be curious. plenty of us were obese and married so I like the truth.. You just havent found the right one.

[soccergirl88 56]

So I have a question for all you ladies who've done the online dating thing. Do you wait for men to email you or do you send emails/winks? I went out with a girlfriend of mine this weekend and she said that I should never wink or email men because they are hunters, and part of the fun comes from pursing a woman. Personally I think that's a load of rubbish, it's 2013 and I should be able to initiate contact BUT it leaves me wondering if my lack of success thus far with online dating has to do with initiating contact instead of waiting for someone to get in touch with me. I also feel that emailing can sometimes be an overly complicated thing because you have to say the right thing to grab a man's attention, and I'm not a master in communicating with men, plus as a 25 year old it's hard to find a quality man, most people my age just think about sex, clubs, booze, and more sex.

[gamergirl 4,610]

So I have a question for all you ladies who've done the online dating thing. Do you wait for men to email you or do you send emails/winks? I went out with a girlfriend of mine this weekend and she said that I should never wink or email men because they are hunters' date=' and part of the fun comes from pursing a woman. Personally I think that's a load of rubbish, it's 2013 and I should be able to initiate contact BUT it leaves me wondering if my lack of success thus far with online dating has to do with initiating contact instead of waiting for someone to get in touch with me. I also feel that emailing can sometimes be an overly complicated thing because you have to say the right thing to grab a man's attention, and I'm not a master in communicating with men, plus as a 25 year old it's hard to find a quality man, most people my age just think about sex, clubs, booze, and more sex.[/quote']

Well I think it depends on who you are and the type of man you want. I heard that a lot too. The problem is, that's not the kind of girl I am. And I didn't want a man who thought in terms of such strict gender roles. Today I'm not supposed to initiate contact, tomorrow what? I'm not supposed to lift heavy things? that's not me. I don't want a relationship with traditional gender roles. So any man who was put off by my sending winks/emails was wrong for me anyway, you know?

[kshepa 77]

I agree GG!!!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

It is a load of rubbish! "To thine own self be true" - if you start out being someone you are not, what hope is there for an honest relationship? Don't play games as your friend suggests, just complicates things.

If you are interested in someone, what's wrong with letting them know? Men are no different to us, it's flattering to think someone likes you. So what if it doesn't go beyond an initial contact. This is about you being you. It is a risk and yes, not everyone will feel the same about you as you feel about them. But it only takes one...

So you do what feels right for you. Good luck, thanks for posting as it shows me that irrespective of age, we all have the same issues and fears :-)

[BethinPA 305]

Thank you Gamergirl and CowgirlJane for your feedback!

[BethinPA 305]

So I have a question for all you ladies who've done the online dating thing. Do you wait for men to email you or do you send emails/winks? I went out with a girlfriend of mine this weekend and she said that I should never wink or email men because they are hunters' date=' and part of the fun comes from pursing a woman. Personally I think that's a load of rubbish, it's 2013 and I should be able to initiate contact BUT it leaves me wondering if my lack of success thus far with online dating has to do with initiating contact instead of waiting for someone to get in touch with me. I also feel that emailing can sometimes be an overly complicated thing because you have to say the right thing to grab a man's attention, and I'm not a master in communicating with men, plus as a 25 year old it's hard to find a quality man, most people my age just think about sex, clubs, booze, and more sex.[/quote']

It's totally not right, but I do think there is something to what your girlfriend is saying. I've had more "success" with those who have initiated contact vs zero success when I have initiated contact. Maybe I'm not going about it the right way either! I'm pretty choosy about initiating contact also - it is definitely not a numbers game with me. I'm just going to stay the course, though!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

It's totally not right, but I do think there is something to what your girlfriend is saying. I've had more "success" with those who have initiated contact vs zero success when I have initiated contact. Maybe I'm not going about it the right way either! I'm pretty choosy about initiating contact also - it is definitely not a numbers game with me. I'm just going to stay the course, though!

Dating outside of the internet (ie other ways of meeting people) there are ways to signal your interest. A look, a smile whatever. Online, I don't know how they can possibilly know you are interested if you don't send that initial "ping"? I do think there is something to the idea that men like to pursue, but I still think that is acceptable/expected for women to initiate some sort of interest online. Just don't have your feelings hurt if you don't hear back. When I was meeting people from the online websites I tended to contact men within 5 years of my age and that at least take a decent photo. When I wait for them to contact me, I get contacts from men much older then me. While age is just a number, I prefer someone who's number is closer to mine.

[Christa Deterding 2]

I have not dated really.dated at all. I have only had 2 realitionships. Together, they lasted five years total. I haven't had a guy look at me in years! Honestly, it's been disappointing. I read all of your replies about how some of you had more dates when you were larger- ya'll must exzoud beautifulness! I mean that in a great way. I don't want to sound like I am throwing a pity party for myself or anything. Men just aren't interested in me. I have my surgery Janurary 2. Maybe by next summer someone will give me the time of day.

[soccergirl88 56]

I have not dated really.dated at all. I have only had 2 realitionships. Together' date=' they lasted five years total. I haven't had a guy look at me in years! Honestly, it's been disappointing. I read all of your replies about how some of you had more dates when you were larger- ya'll must exzoud beautifulness! I mean that in a great way. I don't want to sound like I am throwing a pity party for myself or anything. Men just aren't interested in me. I have my surgery Janurary 2. Maybe by next summer someone will give me the time of day.[/quote'] sometimes it has to do with how we "carry ourselves". They say a woman who exudes self-confidence can attract men...with my personal experience I am unable to attest to that. But I do understand how you feel when you say that men aren't interested in you. Focus on yourself, take care of yourself..you'll find someone(or someone will find you) when you least expect it. Congrats on your upcoming sleeve surgery :-)

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Which sites does everyone like? I have a profile on POF and Ok Cupid

OK Cupid is kind of weird with all the questions they want you to answer. These are questions that no other site has ever asked.

I have a paid membership on Senior People Meet which I thought would be better than match.com where I thought it would be m ostly younger people.

Does anyone want to help me with a profile? I would be SSOOOOO grateful@