Howdy,

It deeply shames me to admit this, but I do have weight regain. I've noticed the moment I get extremely stressed out or extremely upset or both that all I want to do is simply just eat. I hate this.

I've had my VSG on July 18th, 2012. My original weight was 330lbs before the surgery. I've lost 142lbs as result of the surgery. My current weight bounces between 182 to 195lbs based on my eating.

It has been fairly easy up until this point. I will admit that I am miserable. I am at a point in my life that I wish I was not in, but unfortunately, I am in it. At this point: No steady job with benefits, still in college, left my lying boyfriend, and I don't really have any close friends anymore, because I moved back in with my parents due to economic difficulties.

As result of my age (being 26), I was kicked off the extremely good health insurance that my family has. The other downside of being a VSG, not many insurance companies like to offer decent health insurance to you as result of being a VSG. My current insurance is Coordinated Health Benefits. For the record, they are *awful*. I do not recommend them. You are always billed later for any office visits, blood work, and you pay obscene prices for medications.

I have explained to my parents that I am struggling to lose this remaining weight. All I am met with are comments of severe negativity and shame. Not support and encouragement. My parents are *NOT* supportive of me in the sense of encouragement and wanting to see me be successful as a VSG. They are not willing to be helpful at all. All they wish to do is tempt me with more junk food. They are of the personality, "It's OK for us to eat whatever we want and be fat, but it is not OK for you to be fat. Yet we are not willing to help you by changing our eating habits since we all live in the same house."

I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this. I can't afford to talk to someone who is a mental health provider, because I do not have a steady full-time job with benefits. I am in the process of wrapping up my Bachelors' degree in Legal Studies and Business Management. I am currently looking for a job that suits my skill set.

I feel like I just do not have any hope. I wish I did have hope. I pray to God everyday to please bring me some hope. That's all I want is something good to believe in.

I don't want to be my starting weight again, but I know if I continue on this destructive path that I will be...

- Texas Belle

Look Texas Bell let me say I see the pic a little differently from you and maybe that's because I'm 56 years old. You have everything going for you. You are strong and courageous. You took hold of your weight problem at a young age, how I wish I had done that. You are educating yourself and completing a degree, education is by far the greatest gift you can give yourself. Before you know it you will have degree and fiancial independence and your health!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get discouaged, I Ilved with a mom who had depression her whole life, it's difficult but it shouldn't define you. You can overcome it all, you are already more successful then most people dream of being. Keep your head, know who you are and just keep moving forward. Don't underestimate yourself and the power of prayer. God Speed.

You are still so young and yet have accomplished a great amount in your life. Own it!! I wish I had lost 142 pounds earlier in my life. You have rewritten the path you were on. You said your parents think it is okay for them to be fat but you are not allowed and they throw junk food your way. I have one word for that SABOTAGE!!! Perhaps they are jealous of the accomplishments you have done. Parents are people and unfortunately even though you are their child they are being insecure and selfish. People can be weak and lash out with their emotions irregardless of who they are. As stated before the less you are around them the better your mental health will be. Pack your healthy I'm gonna show you mom and dad lunch each day take it to school and do your homework in the library at school. The new semester is about to start and it is time to start looking at some of the other people in your classes as potential new friends! You need to be positive about how people perceive you and start thinking of yourself as not being a fat person. Crawl out of that trap.......you are worth every thing in life!! This is a test in your journey on how you are going to handle the bumps in the road. Find a support group around you those people will definitely be your friend and help you! If you live in Florida let me know! The fact that you put this on here tells me you are a fighter and know how to reach out! Good for you!! All of us will struggle with something in our lives and we have to figure a way to deal with it instead of food. You are so lucky that you are young and have already come so far on this journey to figure out your triggers. The support group will help you. There might even be one on campus. I truly feel for you and wish you all the best. Please love yourself your on the cusp of a fantastic new life when you graduate!! Keep us posted we are here for you!!

Howdy,

Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement. I am deeply appreciative for all of your love and support. There are no words that can express how grateful I am. I will start addressing the recommendations that I was provided.

Medicaid: Unfortunately, I do not meet the minimum requirements in order to receive benefits.

Local Low-Income Mental Health Services: I've already investigated this. The particular rural Texas County that I live in does not provide such services to this county.

Triggers: Yes, I am becoming slowly aware of my triggers. I am aware that when I am upset, sad, depressed, stressed, or a combination more than one of them that basically all I want to do is eat. The crude term that I would use is 'grazing', because literally there is no end until I ultimately make myself ill. Which is neither healthy or productive.

Myfitnesspal: I do use this app. On the days that my triggers start going off, I slowly creep into this mindset of "I want to eat whatever I want today". The only problem when I get into this mindset is that one day turns into days.

Mental Health Services via my University: In order to cut costs, I chose an online degree via University of Texas at Brownsville. It would give me the flexibility of being able to hold a full-time job. Since I am an online student and I live a solid 8 hours drive away from the campus, I do not have this option available to me.

My family: I agree on the theory that their toxicity and negative attitudes are what helped contribute to my original starting weight.

Church: I did participate in a church in the city I lived in before I moved back in with my parents due to economic difficulties. I have not found a church that makes me feel spiritually comfortable yet in the rural area that I live in.

Living my own life: There was a recommendation that I basically just use the house to sleep and bathe. I pretty much did that today. I had to do errands in Bastrop, TX today. I stayed gone for the majority of the day. I also investigated what exercise programs are available at the YMCA. I have contacted a paralegal association out of Austin, TX. They have agreed to help me study for my national paralegal exam and match me with a mentor to 'show me the ropes' so to speak.

Job Search: I am looking for a job that matching my skill set. I haven't found anything as of yet. I look everyday. This particular issue is causing a whole another set amount of negativity and shame from my parents. They are more than happy to remind me that I am fat and that I am a 'loser' in their book.

In other news, I will be brave and explain why I left my boyfriend. I have zero tolerance for liars. That's just a general personal pet peeve of mine. He was a U.S. Marine. He was deployed in Afghanistan. He made me believe he was still deployed even though his group returned stateside in April 2013. He did not see me at all. Stupidly, I waited a year for him and hanging on to nothing, but hope. Sad part of all of this is that I genuinely unconditionally loved him. Yet it was not enough for him to love me as much in return.

I realized this on last Friday morning. This is what led to the three days of (what I shamefully admit) 'grazing'. It was not until Sunday night that I posted this original thread requesting for guidance and help. I am still deeply hurt and depressed.

This morning (Monday, August 19th, 2013) I dressed nicely, did my hair, did my make up, and did my errands. I looked beautiful, but on the inside I just felt so empty and still deeply hurt. I made good food choices, logged in my food, and went about my day with the question of : "What did I ever do so wrong in order to deserve to be this hurt?"

I deeply appreciate all of your prayers. Please keep praying for me, because I know I still have a long way to go. I know it will take me a very long time until I find hope again.

Thank you all so much,

Texas Belle

First and foremost, you did nothing to deserve such treatment! Good for you for getting up and taking care of you today. Like the saying goes "fake it 'til you make it". Just keep doing what you are doing and tell yourself that you are beautiful and deserve better. Soon you will start to believe it!

No. It was over the course of a year. I wrote the date wrong. It is actually July 18th, 2012.

That's still amazing! Be glad you found out he's a looser!! You will find someone who deserves you & you will start your own family & because of what you've been thru & endured with yours....you will be an amazing mom! Keep strong!!

Well' in all practicalness... I have to be blessed with having a good man that I would want to have kids with. You are right that I will be determined not to do what my parents do to me. Their own level of superficial toxicity of 'You're not good enough because..." statements about anything and everything. It is truly damaging in more ways than one.

I will be honest, folks... I am finishing up the day by working out on the indoor exercise bike that my grandfather gave me. Since I moved back home, my parents decided to claim it for their own despite the fact they don't use it. I actually do.

I have been doing very well logging in my food and being out of the house the majority of the day while doing errands. All of a sudden the "You're not good enough because..." statements start pouring in. The only difference between today's daily degrade and the usual amount. It was followed-up with "You don't do enough."

All because I wasn't at the house being the equal to a live-in maid today. I exercised the dog, went to get the tired of my truck fixed, picked up groceries for the house, picked up an exercise schedule from the YMCA, and came back.

I took an hour nap, exercised on the bike, made myself dinner, cleaned up the kitchen from 'their choice of dinner', and decided to relax for a little bit before I get back on the bike for my remaining 30 minutes. I typically ride the bike for an hour. After that, I will go into the front yard and exercise the dog again at dark thirty. Yet I am told "I don't do enough." on top the usual "You're not good enough." statements.

You have to keep in mind the level of toxicity that my parents chose to be. The reason I say 'chose' because I think people have a choice in the type of person they want to be. They believe that I pretty much entitled to nothing, that I have no rights, and I am not entitled to ever want anything. Even if it is Cherub tomatoes for my salads or to eat as a snack. That argument over the cherub tomatoes lasted for months.

As I said before my family is non-supportive. My parents do not care that I am struggling with my weight. They do not care that I left my lying boyfriend. They do not care that I am struggling to find a job. They would rather dump large amounts of negativity and shame on me than actually choose to be helpful and supportive.

For the record, I don't eat out except when my family absolutely insists on it. I don't usually have any money to buy myself nice things, because whatever money I do earn from doing house chores is immediately given back to my parents in the form of 'rent', 'utilities', and etc. I typically don't go anywhere unless there is something needed to be done like an errand. Today, I am shamed for my errands.

I just don't get it. What did I ever do to be told that 'you're not good enough' and 'you're not doing enough' statements'? I am taking 4 college courses online starting August 26th. I have a scholarship program paying for my textbooks, because I have documented learning disabilities. Yet all the obstacles I endure mean absolutely nothing to my family. I am just ... Please forgive this beyond crude statement, but they say this to me on a daily basis that I am a 'f*** up' and a 'waste of space'.

Mr Texas I do believe u must live somewhere near me As I am thirty minutes from bastrop....here's the deal....you must be an amazing woman you are educating yourself, you have worked your way through college, and despite some real stressful times you have been able to lose 140 lbs. You did not crawl in a hole and feel sorry for yourself you took control of your life, you lost weight, worked, and went to school...girl your getting it done . Unfortunately we don't get to pick our family members....someone told me long ago you can't change your family but you can change the way you react to them....its made a world of.difference to me because I now have the power....either I listen to their constant ranting and gosipping or I just blow it off and move right on with my life fufilling my dreams. Take care of you...

Texas.belle

How are you doing?? I am thinking of you and wanted to check in.

Gosh u have a lot of healthy support here. It is really hard to live with parents but ur there. U don't have to eat junk food laying around the house. Leave the house and only bath and sleep there. Pack healthy foods for the day and stay away from grazing. You have a choice of what kind of food to put in your mouth. No excuses just do it.

Dear Texasbelle: first of all you have nothing to be ashamed of so please try to stop shaming yourself for struggling with re-gain, especially while you are living in such a toxic environment. Your behavior is normal, under the circumstances, and you should be proud of yourself that you lost 142lbs and have enough self-awareness to reach out for help while in your difficult situation and also for recognizing your self-destructive behavior and working to reverse the trend. I think everyone struggles with regain eventually.

The people who should feel shame are you parents and your lying ex-boyfriend!

Re: the job situation, you may have to think outside the box and take a job that you don't really want for the short-term. Can you baby-sit, clean houses, walk-dogs? Are there retail or r

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274; 4 month post-op 266.2; 5 month post-op 262.6; 6 month post-op 253.2

Poop! I wasn't done. As I was saying, are retail jobs or restaurant jobs available? It may not be in your skill set but if you start working somewhere, even at a job that isn't ideal for you, at least you will be out of the house and earning some money for yourself. That might make your parents calm down their negativity towards you too. It's just a suggestion and I hope things are improving for you.

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274; 4 month post-op 266.2; 5 month post-op 262.6; 6 month post-op 253.2