I need Advice!

[leigh1111 53]

I'm a therapist and have worked with kids for 20 yrs. I'm not saying I'm a know it all bc I certainly don't. But more of my patients were very damaged from being obese in early childhood development which spilled into adulthood and progressed into addiction and many other issues. I say break the cycle early...the earlier the better. Mom, you know mainly bc of genetics and experience that she doesn't have a shot in hell. As an addiction therapist I see so many addicts who would've done anything to have stopped the progression of the disease. And as an addict, bc of the genetic factor on both sides, I didn't stand a chance. If only I had known this at an early age maybe I would have never taken that first drink or hit. It's not about will power...if it was none of us would be here. It's about management and I have learned to use the sleeve to manage my addiction. Now, if I could only find a "sleeve" for drugs and alcohol...I wouldn't think twice! And by the way, I think 14 is a good age developmentally bc it may save her from a lifetime of trauma...which means therapy for life. Just my two cents. I have a daughter....a pretty hefty daughter big surprise. I think I would do everything I could to manage her disease. Good luck!

[wannabaloser 59]

Thank you NurseBarbie for your help.

I ultimately do not know what its like to be obese as a teen. I was 5'3 and weighed between 130 and 150 throughout high school. Not skinny but definitely not fat and I remember having people say a few mean things to me. I couldn't imagine how bad it would be if I had been my daughter's size.

Your absolutely right about kids younger than her having kids. If someone made me choose between her getting the sleeve or having a baby of course there would not be a seconds thought given to the decision.

I am terrified of her having this surgery but I am more worried about walking in and finding her dead from suicide because she couldn't deal with the weight and bullying. She has alot of life and fun to live and we all know how hard that is too do when you are 100 pounds overweight. I don't want her to miss out over it.

I can find 50 cons and 50 pros, it is literally the hardest decision ever.

I think I will go talk to her doctor and a psychologist but I am going to keep our dates and I will cancel if they think its a bad idea.

As far as being a plant, I don't understand what the point of that would be. Isn't that usually someone who is trying to get you to use a certain doctor, not someone asking for help.

[wannabaloser 59]

Thank you NurseBarbie for your help.

I ultimately do not know what its like to be obese as a teen. I was 5'3 and weighed between 130 and 150 throughout high school. Not skinny but definitely not fat and I remember having people say a few mean things to me. I couldn't imagine how bad it would be if I had been my daughter's size.

Your absolutely right about kids younger than her having kids. If someone made me choose between her getting the sleeve or having a baby of course there would not be a seconds thought given to the decision.

I am terrified of her having this surgery but I am more worried about walking in and finding her dead from suicide because she couldn't deal with the weight and bullying. She has alot of life and fun to live and we all know how hard that is too do when you are 100 pounds overweight. I don't want her to miss out over it.

I can find 50 cons and 50 pros, it is literally the hardest decision ever.

I think I will go talk to her doctor and a psychologist but I am going to keep our dates and I will cancel if they think its a bad idea.

As far as being a plant, I don't understand what the point of that would be. Isn't that usually someone who is trying to get you to use a certain doctor, not someone asking for help.

[BKLYNgal87 503]

She has done dier pills, diet programs, weight watchers, all the stuff we have all done but she has no results. The doctors cant find a reason why but she doesn't lose weight.

You do realize that surgery is a tool, not a cure, right? There are people who don't lose all the excess weight they needed to and people who lose it all and gain some back. You have to be mature enough and dedicated enough to be in control and stick to your diet and exercise program, even in maintenance. And maintenance is for life. There are plenty of adults who have a hard time wrapping their heads around that.

I had a serious food addiction as a teenager [i suspect your daughter at her weight does too] and nothing would have stopped me from overeating except counseling, which I finally started when I was 21. I made sure I had all my ducks in a row before I had the surgery to give myself the best possible chance of success. Ultimately this choice is up to you and your daughter but you are still the parent and she is still the teenager.

Furthermore I implore you as I said before to get a second or even third opinion from a doctor who doesn't have a vested interest in your daughter having surgery.

[wannabaloser 59]

Btw, the main reason I started thinking about this surgery is that she says she has never had the feeling of fullness. I thought this would be the best way to help her with that.

Also, she already knows she has to do the pre surgery diet for the full 2 weeks prior to surgery. If she messes up once she does not get it.

If she cant do the diet for 2 weeks she cant do it for life.

[Sleeve Goddess 75]

I have a daughter and somehow, she did not end up with the same issues with food that her mother did.

That said, if she did and was in the same situation as your daughter, I would want to provide her the best possible life. Maybe, you should talk to her pediatrician and find a therapist to help you make this decision. At least then you know you made the most informed choice with the help of professionals and not strangers on a forum.

Obesity is a disease. We all know that. Saying that she should try other options first, it is so hard when each of us has ridden that rollercoaster so many times to end up here.

I do not envy this decision but think your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom.

This is by far the best response I've read about this question. "Obesity is a disease" and sometimes it's hereditary. Most of the women in my family from various generations are obese. As parents we know our children better than anyone else and only you can advocate for her.

Being sleeved does not guarantee that the bad eating habits will go away. You really have to work at developing better eating habits and this is where counseling will really help your daughter.

Good luck to you both and You re in my prayers.

You are an awesome mom and advocate for your daughter.

[wannabaloser 59]

And also if it matters to anyone she will be 15 one month after surgery and a freshman in high school

[No game 14,437]

I'm sorry but it sounds like you already knew the answers you were looking for....

I wish your daughter luck.

[mlcarawan 16]

She wants the surgery very badly.

I explain the details daily. I also made her download this board on her phone and she has to read posts everyday on it. She is made to keep a food journal and use myfitnesspal.

She knows the good' date=' bad, and ugly. She knows she will change alot of things with the surgery and she says she is okay with that. Of course, we all say we are ready, even adults, but its different when its over and done with.

Our insurance doesn't cover this so we are self pay and don't have to go for a psych evaluation. We have found other kids who did it at her age.

One of the Doctors in Mexico even did a 12 year old. And they all seem to be doing great.[/quote']

Sounds like you've already made up your mind about allowing her to do it so I'm not really sure why you were asking for opinions. But anyway, my opinion for what it's worth, she should wait for the surgery. You go have it done and make the necessary life style changes to be successful. Invite your daughter to make the same changes you are. IF she can handle that, then consider surgery for her. I know at age 14 my own daughter started slimming down and losing some weight. She's a little over weight right now, but she is doing the same thing I suggested for you. She's taking the food tips I have been taught and is following them. As soon as I heal from surgery(it was just Monday) we are going to start the couch to 5k program. My daughter is going to be 17. I would not, at this young age allow her to have surgery that will so drastically alter her body. Especially one that at 17 I don't think she's capable of sticking with for the rest of her life.

[Malugo 31]

A friend of mine took her daughter to Colombia couple years ago when she was 16 and she had the sleeve done. Today this girl is as pretty as before but much more happy and confident of herself and of course very healthy.

[wannabaloser 59]

No, not at all.

It never occurred to me to take her to a NUT, which I will be doing.

I appreciate hearing from people who were overweight as teens because I don't have that experience to consider.

I appreciate hearing from people who think its the worst idea ever. I appreciate all opinions and it makes me think of things I never considered.

[Nursebarbie 392]

Nutritionist - " weigh and measure your food. Here's some hand outs. Eat 1200 calories sugar free fat free. Drink 64 oz Water. Eat 60 gm Protein."

Doctor- " exercise 30 minutes every day. Eat less move more. Eat less carbs. Eat more Protein. No junk food."

Psychiatrist- " any plans to hurt yourself? No? How long have you battled your weight? Were your parents overweight? How did being overweight make you feel?"

Same stuff in different versions for me past 30 years. Frustrating when I know if my thin friend and I eat the same kind of sandwich. I will metabolize it slower and retain more calories than her. People know why they are fat. We eat too much food than our bodies can naturally handle. For a variety of factors. I may not be an "expert" on the sleeve (yet) but I am an expert at being fat and its miserable when you are 14 and being teased at school. All it did was reinforce unhealthy habits of trying to lose weight and ruin my self esteem. I even tried to kill myself when I was 15 because I hated myself. This is why I am so passionate about this topic.

[leeann71 539]

I am not trying to be negative but, have you read about all the complications that can happen? If it was up to me I probably would not let her get it. I would not be able to live with my self if she got a leak, blood clot or any of the horrible complications that could happen. I wish you both the best of luck and pray you will make the right decision for her.

[No game 14,437]

Nutritionist - " weigh and measure your food. Here's some hand outs. Eat 1200 calories sugar free fat free. Drink 64 oz Water. Eat 60 gm Protein."

Doctor- " exercise 30 minutes every day. Eat less move more. Eat less carbs. Eat more Protein. No junk food."

Psychiatrist- " any plans to hurt yourself? No? How long have you battled your weight? Were your parents overweight? How did being overweight make you feel?"

Same stuff in different versions for me past 30 years. Frustrating when I know if my thin friend and I eat the same kind of sandwich. I will metabolize it slower and retain more calories than her. People know why they are fat. We eat too much food than our bodies can naturally handle. For a variety of factors. I may not be an "expert" on the sleeve (yet) but I am an expert at being fat and its miserable when you are 14 and being teased at school. All it did was reinforce unhealthy habits of trying to lose weight and ruin my self esteem. I even tried to kill myself when I was 15 because I hated myself. This is why I am so passionate about this topic.

I am truly sorry that you tried to kill yourself, and glad that you failed... That is not the path that every obese child will take though. I to have the experience as an obese child and teenager. Complete with being teased. But again as a mother of a teenage daughter and having had experience working with teenagers in the past, the emotional aspect of being sleeved is a lot to take on at such a young age..

And to your point about 14 year olds can have babies??? Yes they can, but again are they emotionally capable of being a good mother?

That is debatable.

I wasn't saying that this child shouldn't have it done, but why jump and look later?? What's wrong with stopping a minute to cover some important bases like cognitive therapy and letting the mother go first to pave the way?

This child will have to be different than all the other kids her age after being sleeved, this and other things really need to be looked at.

So I'm not transferring myself onto this child.

I'm giving advice to something I feel really strong about.

[atelux17 135]

When I first started reading your post I was amazed to see that your daughter had my same stats. I'm 30& 5'3"& 246lbs was my highest. What if she gains more & becomes immobile, more ostracized, or loses a foot to diabetes? I can't tell you how much I would want the last 15 years my life back and to live them as a relatively thin person. The emotional battery I suffered from others was unbearable& made me practically a recluse during high school & college. But enough about me. I'm for your daughter having surgery, but like other posters I think you should both build a plan for success--cognitive therapy& major lifestyle nutrition changes. Maybe you should have the surgery first in order to show her how it really is. After you make major dietary changes she will likely follow her mom& may even lose. Also, I can't imagine having 2 post-op people at the same time or worrying about her recovery while I'm trying to go through my own. I don't know your situation fully, but do you have enough help for 2 of you at once? I would also try instilling more confidence in your daughter, let her realize others like her& if they don't, there is always someone who will like if she likes herself. Maybe she could take up a hobby like singing, music anything that she could derive a sense of self worth from. & Get out there!!!be with the other kids!

I'm a nurse as well& work in a unit that this procedure is performed. I've had it& tried for 2 decades to lose weight by every means imaginable. I couldn't have done it without a small stomach, lack of ghrelin, & a ***new commitment to myself. ***

I feel for you&your daughter deeply. You both have my support!