I have always struggled both in online groups and in my physical groups when a particular situation presents itself. That situation is when someone is doing something clearly against their best interests as it relates to WLS. I’m talking about the cases where people are clearly heading off track. I find myself at times frustrated and responding in an effort to get those individuals to realize what they’re doing is wrong and at times it has been in a less than tactful way. It has caused me to question why I even care or bother to respond at all. I have spent a decent about of time trying to answer this question for myself and figured I would try to explain it to y’all as well.

I view myself and all of us that have WLS as members of a community. I want every person that goes through this process to be successful and improve the quality of their life. As a member of the community I feel an obligation to help those that I can on their journey. I also have a selfish motivation in trying to help others. I hate that many people in the general public view WLS patients as cheating, taking the easy way out, or that we are just continuing the pattern of laziness that got us to obesity in the first place. I hate hearing the obligatory stories, which we have all heard that goes something like this, “My friend had WLS, lost a bunch of weight and then gained it back”. I have vowed to never be that guy in the story. Here’s the selfish part of my motivation, I never want YOU to be that guy in the story either.

Again from a community perspective we all fail when one of our WLS brothers or sisters does become that guy. We fail together when people go into this thinking it will be the magic bullet and don’t realize it actually does take a lot of work by the individual to succeed. We all fail when people don’t make the food changes necessary and instead think the only tool needed is the surgery.

Maybe I’m wrong and should not view others success or failure as my own. Maybe I’m wrong by not being a cheerleader when people are looking for a little friendly enabling. What’s it to me after all? Sure go ahead, a double cheese burger at 2 weeks out sounds like a great idea! If it doesn't hurt, it must be ok to do, right? Hell let’s wash it down with a vanilla shake!

Sorry I just can’t do it. Guess I will have to become comfortable with my role as the hard ass.

I will extend one offer though. If you do want to know how to totally defeat your sleeve (RNY, DS or Band too) let me know. It’s a road map that is not difficult to follow. I figure that would at least give those inclined a quicker way to regain instead of having to spend all the time testing the waters with various, “I wonder if I can have XYZ”? If you’re reconciled to not trying and just want to jump right to failure then send me a PM, let’s get it done and out of the way.

In any event, I hope this gives a better understand of why I care and view WLS support in the way that I do. I mean no one any ill will ever, but I also will not condone actions that are contrary to being a successful WLS patient. Best of luck on your journey.

<uh....slowly' date=' sheepishly raises hand> Yeah, that was me. 4 months in, I thought I knew it all. I thought I had it down cold. I figured "what else can happen?" I was cruising along like a battleship with no thought of slowing down. Until that day when my body decided to stop losing weight in spite of my wishes.....wow does that ever change your attitude.

These days I take a little more flexible approach. I know what works for me, I don't always know what works for everyone else. More importantly, I know that my way isn't the only way. And I cringe when I read these new threads that sound just like I used to sound. I want to say "talk to me in 6-12 months." And then I tell myself....give it another 2 years, where will I be then? Makes me realize there is still more to learn....alot more.

But like Paul, I'm not going to enable anyone, even though there is plenty of opportunity to do so. And you can see it coming a mile away....and you can understand where it's coming from. People are struggling....struggling with food addictions, fighting head hunger, frustrated by stalls, and forced to deal with feelings that were previously blunted with comfort eating. They really need relief. They need the comfort of an old friend who has been there for them for years....yes food. Everytime you read a post that says "when can I eat xxxx again?" Unless xxxx is a salad....but usually it's not. Remember the "when can I eat macaroni and cheese again" thread? Hell you can eat macaroni and cheese the day you get home from the hospital...purree it if you like, but why would you? Why would you want to go back to that life?

I know I don't. Like Paul, I don't want anyone to go back to that life. But I realize that the more I bow up and scream it from the rooftops, the more likely some people are to turn a deaf ear, slink away into dark corner, and eat that bowl of macaroni and cheese and not listen to those of us who have been right where they are.

I used to have a quote in my sig that said "why would you listen to the advice of someone who isn't where you want to be?" Well, maybe that quote is a little too stringent for me now. Afterall, some people are on a good path that will get them there. They learn, they keep an open mind, they are on the right track. But there are a few vets around here who ARE there...like Paul, like CLK...like several others. You know they found a way. They are definitely worth listening too. If you want to ignore their advice because they are not PC enough, or not sensitive enough to your feelings...you do so at your peril. I'd rather have my feelings hurt than be obese the rest of my life.[/quote']

Bravo

in my opinion, hard asses are strong, leaders, motivators and most importantly the ones who succeed! I do not coddle or enable. We all will eat something "naughty" at some point in time and some of us may fall off the wagon, but you will never see me posting on a forum of all the crap I ate...looking for someone to support me in going back to my bad habits. If I can change myself and get myself back on the wagon and in the right direction, then there is no one else on this planet that could do it for me.

I prefer to have friends who are supportive, but who will kick me when I need it. If I let my fire go down, then I need someone to throw some burn on there for me...not to smother me...I want my fire to burn bright and long!

Sticky this thread.

Thanks, posters.

I have always struggled both in online groups and in my physical groups when a particular situation presents itself. That situation is when someone is doing something clearly against their best interests as it relates to WLS. I’m talking about the cases where people are clearly heading off track. I find myself at times frustrated and responding in an effort to get those individuals to realize what they’re doing is wrong and at times it has been in a less than tactful way. It has caused me to question why I even care or bother to respond at all. I have spent a decent about of time trying to answer this question for myself and figured I would try to explain it to y’all as well. I view myself and all of us that have WLS as members of a community. I want every person that goes through this process to be successful and improve the quality of their life. As a member of the community I feel an obligation to help those that I can on their journey. I also have a selfish motivation in trying to help others. I hate that many people in the general public view WLS patients as cheating, taking the easy way out, or that we are just continuing the pattern of laziness that got us to obesity in the first place. I hate hearing the obligatory stories, which we have all heard that goes something like this, “My friend had WLS, lost a bunch of weight and then gained it back”. I have vowed to never be that guy in the story. Here’s the selfish part of my motivation, I never want YOU to be that guy in the story either. Again from a community perspective we all fail when one of our WLS brothers or sisters does become that guy. We fail together when people go into this thinking it will be the magic bullet and don’t realize it actually does take a lot of work by the individual to succeed. We all fail when people don’t make the food changes necessary and instead think the only tool needed is the surgery. Maybe I’m wrong and should not view others success or failure as my own. Maybe I’m wrong by not being a cheerleader when people are looking for a little friendly enabling. What’s it to me after all? Sure go ahead, a double cheese burger at 2 weeks out sounds like a great idea! If it doesn't hurt, it must be ok to do, right? Hell let’s wash it down with a vanilla shake! Sorry I just can’t do it. Guess I will have to become comfortable with my role as the hard ass. I will extend one offer though. If you do want to know how to totally defeat your sleeve (RNY, DS or Band too) let me know. It’s a road map that is not difficult to follow. I figure that would at least give those inclined a quicker way to regain instead of having to spend all the time testing the waters with various, “I wonder if I can have XYZ”? If you’re reconciled to not trying and just want to jump right to failure then send me a PM, let’s get it done and out of the way. In any event, I hope this gives a better understand of why I care and view WLS support in the way that I do. I mean no one any ill will ever, but I also will not condone actions that are contrary to being a successful WLS patient. Best of luck on your journey.

As someone who is pre op I was so happy to see this post. People like you help me see myself clearer and help keep me honest with what I put in my mouth. Thanks for that.

Love this original post and the following posts! I'm still a newbie at 4 weeks post but feel like I will always be a newbie. Always be learning and struggling with my food addictions. It's uplifting to me to know that I can come here and ask a question and know that there are real people who have experienced the problem I may be having that will help. I have push overs in my life who would overlook my eating badly after my surgery, I don't need or want it here. Thank you for taking the time to help me and others like me who really are serious about this lifestyle change.

Edited December 10, 201312 yr by Branmuffin

Well it happened again, I was informed that "lecturing" was not support. It had been awhile since I posted this and rereading all of your replies reaffirms that sometimes people need to hear what they don't want to be told. Thanks gain Y'all.

Interesting comments on this thread. I have a different attitude about this forum - I think different people come here for different reasons and you have to take a lot of what is said on here with a grain of salt - this is the internet after all! There is strong possibility that people are misrepresenting themselves and what they are supposedly eating 1 week post op just to get a response - in Australia we call it "pulling your leg" or "yanking your chain" - I think they call it trolling here! So I just don't become over invested in people's "journey" or worry about "enabling" them. If getting 75-80% of their stomach cut out isn't going to change what they eat then a few words from and unknown person on a forum is not going to make the slightest bit of difference. Talk to the ones that want to hear you and don't even bother about the ones that don't want advice - they just want to vent, confess or troll!

Edited December 11, 201312 yr by sueoco

I love this thread! I try my best to follow the "rules" with regard to my eating and exercising. It means more to me to be healthy than to just lose the weight. I want to do it right!! I NEED people like y'all to kick my booty from time to time! So from me to alla you - THANKS:)