the guilt is eating me alive

[LonghornNiner 75]

Find a good therapist, if nothing else, find WLS support groups to attend. They will keep you busy, you'll meet people and make friends. I'm sorry she did this, but I have to agree with everyone else, this is about her, not you. Change scares people, you making this change threatened her, scared her....something. Can I ask you, is she heavy? Could this be insecurity? Good luck to you.

No she wasn't heavy. We had been having issues for a year when I started my journey to surgery. I lost 30 pounds before surgery. Eating right and hitting the gym twice a day. She was so supportive and happy. She even called me sexy and I felt good about myself for the first time in my life. I just don't understand. I gave her 10 years and she took it away in a 10 min conversation.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

No she wasn't heavy. We had been having issues for a year when I started my journey to surgery. I lost 30 pounds before surgery. Eating right and hitting the gym twice a day. She was so supportive and happy. She even called me sexy and I felt good about myself for the first time in my life. I just don't understand. I gave her 10 years and she took it away in a 10 min conversation.

I know this may sound corny, but it is a good poem, and I've found it very accurate.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

[LonghornNiner 75]

I know this may sound corny, but it is a good poem, and I've found it very accurate.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Thank you for this! Reading that poem makes sense in more ways than one to me.

[Alyjourneys 117]

Be at ease. Your health is most important and if the SO is not onboard, then I'm sorry but they don't deserve you. I know it hurts, been there but when overweight. I can tell you it's a blessing in disguise. Love you and continue getting healthy. Your soulmate is out there. Best wishes.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Thank you for this! Reading that poem makes sense in more ways than one to me.

You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it, I've always thought it was a good one! Prayers for your peace of mind. Enjoy what you're going through now with the weight loss. It's a fun, exciting time....an adventure!

[Veda 12]

I agree with the others, but cannot help but to say, "You are not weak." Reaching out to others when needed is a sign of strength. And, so is seeking out a good therapist - one who will help you heal your broken heart and learn to be your own best friend. I know, I've been there.

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

I posted here a week ago about how my girl of 10 yrs left me for someone else because she felt I looked to different and felt different. I wasn't the same man she fell in love with. I have been torn apart since that day and the guilt of getting the surgery and losing weight and causing her to leave me is eating me alive. I barely eat and I just can't sleep. I work 2 jobs and I have been working triple shifts to keep my mind busy but my body is just giving up. Can anyone offer some kind of advice on what to do to put my mind at ease. I just want to find peace again. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I'm sorry for being weak but I don't know where else to go or who to talk to anymore.

What you should feel is grateful that this woman's true colors came out now instead of a time where you really needed her there for you. Consider this a blessing - now you are available for the woman who accepts and loves you for who you are now and who you will be.

[mysleevemylife 158]

I posted here a week ago about how my girl of 10 yrs left me for someone else because she felt I looked to different and felt different. I wasn't the same man she fell in love with. I have been torn apart since that day and the guilt of getting the surgery and losing weight and causing her to leave me is eating me alive. I barely eat and I just can't sleep. I work 2 jobs and I have been working triple shifts to keep my mind busy but my body is just giving up. Can anyone offer some kind of advice on what to do to put my mind at ease. I just want to find peace again. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I'm sorry for being weak but I don't know where else to go or who to talk to anymore.

Stay strong as much as you can & NO NOT....I repeat....DO NOT GIVE UP, even if you are holding onto faith & encouragement with a thin thread that seems like it is going to break at any time. You are human & it's alright to feel, hurt, pain, anger, & any other emotion that comes with life & it's circumstances at times, but do not place a bandaid over your feelings. allow yourself to feel every emotion, because that is a part of healing. if you try to ignore or suppress your feelings, they will resurface in some kind of "ugly" way. the key is to let yourself go through the stages of "mourning". let nature take its place as far as what happens between you & your lady/relationship. let everything unfold according to "God's will/plan". Just take one day at a time. Focus on you & anything positive that makes you feel fulfilled & happy, whether that be a hobby or anything else positive. that will help your days not seem so long. surround yourself around ppl that genuinely wish you the best. get good rest & do not forsake your spiritual path cause you must stay balanced in all areas. this is my advice & i hope it helps some. I truly wish you the best. keep reaching out to all of us whenever you need to talk,vent, or just want to get our advice. feel free to also inbox anytime. Best wishes my friend.