Hi,

I've noticed some different reactions. Before my surgery it seemed everyone asked when I was going to have my surgery. Now that I have had my surgery, some don't speak to me, some ask how I am, some say I look great, some are very catty and bring in things like donuts and eat bad food right in front of me seemingly taunting me with it almost, some are just plain rude and very argumentative. It's very strange but I love every minute of it!!!

What have you honestly noticed about people since your surgery?

i know exactly what you mean i do think alot ofr people thought it bad idea so now its done there is no point going on at you so they have inward battle at their pissed offness at your choice but i just think stuff them, my body ,my choice and if you think people taunting you just smile and watch them stuff themselves with fat laden food,i have to say on other side of coin when i see what my friends can eat i think bloody hell thats alot....lol i have alot of weight to go im only banded 2 weeks have lost 14lb but i feel great so no one can annoy me ,before op everyone commented on how my health would be now they comment on the money ,frankly my dear i dont give a damn !!!! I NOW REALISE IM WORTH IT !!!

People seem nicer, men open doors for me again as opposed to letting them slam on my face, some people at work are nicer, while others appear to be envious or jealous, overall reactions are better than pre-op. Yikes! I know part of my fat was for protection...a sort of man repellent...now I will have to work through my insecurity and my distrust of men....:faint: Don't get me wrong...I like men, but I have been hurt deeply more than once. Time to start fresh!

Before I had my surgery friends and family were always saying, "you need to do something about your weight". They would look at me a shake their heads everytime I ate anything! Strangers either ignored me completely or were rude. Now my friends and family say things like you have lost enough, your too skinny, and occasionally you look great. It's funny how they can never be pleased. I've decided that I'm the only who really matters or can judge when it comes to being satisfied with me!:clap2: I made the choice and I've never felt better about me!

People are WONDERFUL! A woman I saw regularly at church but did not know grabbed me one day and said, "I have been meaning to tell you how great you look." It's a real ego trip.

I said I was cold at a party and another guest (a stranger) said, "That's because you're skinny." (She didn't know she was being wonderful, but she was.)

This year's Christmas cards were photo cards. I got LOTS of comments from people on my Christmas card list who had not seen me in a while. One wrote back when she sent her card and said, "You look so much younger."

I have not had one single negative comment, and I tell almost everyone that I had LB surgery.

Since I haven't been back to work yet since my surgery, I'll throw this out there just for fun. I just got a rejection letter on Saturday from a job interview I went on about a month ago (I know, Happy New Year to me). It was a state job with excellent benefits and would have meant a substantial promotion (more money, more responsibility). I was qualified for the position, and the interviewers seemed happy with my responses to their questions during the interview.

I couldn't help but wonder if my weight played a role in not getting the job. There! I said it! I think that people in a professional setting do not take me seriously because of my weight.

By the way, one NSV for me was that I DID NOT stick my head into a vat of ice cream because I was rejected. I was certainly devastated because a job at this level doesn't open up very often. I boo-hooed a bit and decided that there must be something better out there waiting for me and that's why I didn't get the job.

I couldn't help but wonder if my weight played a role in not getting the job. There! I said it! I think that people in a professional setting do not take me seriously because of my weight.

Dear Transformer:

While I know that on some level, weight discrimination does exist, I hope you (and others) will always resist the temptation to blame every rejection on obesity. It's just too easy. And it's anti-productive. Black people do the same thing....they won't hire me 'cause I'm BLACK. And women...they won't give that job to a WOMAN. Nonsense. Most of the time, the people in HR are just interested in filling the position with a qualified person that they feel will be a long-term asset to the company. It does, after all, cost money to train people. If your resume looks like you might be a "job-hopper", it makes you less appealing as a prospective employee.

Lots of other, subtle things are considered, too - especially when there is a whole smörgåsbord of good candidates to choose from. I was on a selection committee once that rejected an applicant because she was chewing gum during the interview!

Because there are so many things employers CAN'T ask job seekers now, they have to fly by the seat of their pants when they fill a position. You can't ask a person about age, religion, marital status, etc. You can't inquire about whether or not they have reliable, alternative child care lined up for when (not if, but when) their six year old is too sick to attend school or day care. So I've seen women with children rejected in favor of childless ones.

At my last job, I was known as "Murphy Brown" because I couldn't keep an assistant. It wasn't me....it was the other people they had to work with, by the way. But I got to where I wouldn't hire anyone who appeared to be "thin-skinned". Nor would I take on someone who struck me as too aggressive, or a prima dona. It was an incredible disruption every time I had to look for/hire a new person, so I tried like hell to pick one that would stay more than a month or two...without asking any questions that would violate her privacy (God forbid).

I think a lot of the laws that are meant to prevent discrimination actually make it worse, in many cases. As the person doing the hiring, your hands are tied so badly that you might as well consult a crystal ball. So a lot of good people get passed over. Not necessarily because they are fat, or black, or over 50 but because of stupid stuff, like body language (is that a nervous tic?), personal lives that cannot be delved into (recently separated from her husband and new to the area....nope, too much chance of a reconciliation) or, yes, some kind of discrimination (she's young and pretty and I'm thinking that means a lot of personal calls). I'll bet you never considered that being too attractive might cost you a job, but it certainly can!

I have no doubt that being overweight plays a negative role in hiring decisions. But I have point of view about that which is probably different from that held by many others on this forum. I think weight should have a role in hiring decisions. (Don't take this personally, Transformer. My comments are not directed to you personally. I do sympathize with you for not getting the job. And everything I say below I direct to myself completely).

I think weight should have a role in hiring. If someone is 20 lbs overweight that should not be an issue. But if someone is morbidly obese then the employer is perfectly justified in considering that. Morbidly obese people have less energy, they have more medical problems, they take more sick days, and they raise costs to the employer for medical insurance benefits.

And, in addition, when a person is morbidly obese it says something about who they are inside. A morbidly obese person is willing to die for food. This shows that they do not love and respect themselves. Who would want to hire someone like that? Who would want someone like that in a supervisory role, or as the public face of the company?

Yes, some people have a genetic tendency to gain weight. This is a legitimate issue. But not everyone who has a genetic tendency to gain weight is morbidly obese. It's no excuse. If life deals you a lemon, you don't have to make lemon meringue pie.

When looking at myself, sitting here at age 53 in a condition of morbid obesity, I find it very difficult to entertain points of view that shift blame to others for the damage I have done to myself. I've treated myself very badly, and I'm ashamed of it. This has taken a toll on my wife and family as well, and I'm ashamed of that too.

I'm now ready to take responsibility for my actions, and fix the problem. Everyone else here on this forum is doing the same thing, and I think we deserve a lot of credit for that. When people treat themselves with love and respect, it's a beautiful thing.