I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A$$ and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway, I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?

Thanks! I know the stuff he says is totally not normal or loving' date=' the problem is that he is what I am use to.. I have been with him since I was 15. I feel like.. someday he'll stop being so hateful, but I don't think so. I know that I have let him take majority of my self esteem and I just am afraid what he's going to be like once I gain that back, and trust me it wont take much to get it back <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

Hang in there girl.. we have been chosen to walk this crappy path for some reason, something good has to come out of it LOL[/quote']

Reframing this thought will help. You chose this path to help you learn something about yourself. Taking responsibility for will move you along the path faster and healthier hugs to you

I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway' date=' I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?[/quote']

Wow, almost similar to me, even though my teenaged daughter weighs more than my husband and he wouldn't dare call me a fat a** and a b****, he is highly insecure and says some pretty nasty things. He has already told me that he wants to split when I become slim because I'm going to basically ***** myself out (you know since I've never ever gotten attention from anyone in my life and he was so gracious as to pay me some), with the first guy that bays an eye at me. Mental abuse hurts worse, at times, than physical but all it is is their insecurities that they are trying to embed in you. Do what you have to do, you're good because I don't think I could have taken 20yrs of that nonsense. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish and think of YOU! That's exactly what I'm doing, that miserable little man can go play in heavy traffic all I care!

I was in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage years ago - thank God my son and I got out of it - it was horrible and I don't even like thinking that I put myself and my son through that!

Two valuable lessons I learned -

1. From the weekly support group I attended back then - most women would rather take a physical hit or push or shove, rather than to endure days and days of emotional abuse. In most ways, emotional abuse is much harder and difficult...it wears on you, in every sense of the word.

2. Before you physically leave a marriage or relationship, you've already "left" him. It sounds like your mind is halfway out the door - now, grab your kids and take them and the rest of you ALL the way out the door!

Good luck - don't buy into his put downs - you CAN do this!

The short answer is--a lot of people get divorced after their sleeve. For some of its the first time we've been able to say out loud, "I want to get healthy" and the first time we've had the courage to get a healthy life--not just a healthy weight. You can't suck down poison emotionally and expect to get healthy physically. Life just doesn't work that way. Once you know which path you're on and which one he's on--make the strong choice. (The strong choice is seldom the easy one.). Stay in touch here!! We are all here to support your new healthy life!

I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway' date=' I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?[/quote']

I did! My husband was the same. Physical abuse, mental and emotional too! I weighed 115 pounds when I met him. Got married had kids am weight just kept creeping on me. He called me fat, disgusting, nasty etc and well he weighed 325 pounds himself!!! I knew I was getting the surgery and kept telling my family let me come back, let the strong person mentally come back after the years of abuse and I would leave and I sure did. He cried begged for me back etc. it's been the best thing I could of ever done. Funny now he's dropped a bunch of weight and never calls me any fat related names even through the divorce process. He says I look lime the girl he fell in love with and has been so miserable about himself he had to bring me down with him. Oh I forgot to mention 4 days post surgery I was siting on the couch & he attacked me. I had my tube in still and he was punching me in the stomach. A week later I wa really sick and couldn't move, had Fluid build up in my belly and I was so sick, I lost control of my bodily functions, begged him for 6 hours to take me to the hospital and he refused. Finally when my daughters were crying he took me, drove about 10 miles under the speed limit which took us almost 2 hours to get there and they told him when I got there, had he waited even 1 more hour I would of not made it. I was in the hospital for 6 days and had a nurse come daily to my house for 2 weeks. 4 weeks later I said GOOD BYE!

I did! My husband was the same. Physical abuse' date=' mental and emotional too! I weighed 115 pounds when I met him. Got married had kids am weight just kept creeping on me. He called me fat, disgusting, nasty etc and well he weighed 325 pounds himself!!! I knew I was getting the surgery and kept telling my family let me come back, let the strong person mentally come back after the years of abuse and I would leave and I sure did. He cried begged for me back etc. it's been the best thing I could of ever done. Funny now he's dropped a bunch of weight and never calls me any fat related names even through the divorce process. He says I look lime the girl he fell in love with and has been so miserable about himself he had to bring me down with him. Oh I forgot to mention 4 days post surgery I was siting on the couch & he attacked me. I had my tube in still and he was punching me in the stomach. A week later I wa really sick and couldn't move, had Fluid build up in my belly and I was so sick, I lost control of my bodily functions, begged him for 6 hours to take me to the hospital and he refused. Finally when my daughters were crying he took me, drove about 10 miles under the speed limit which took us almost 2 hours to get there and they told him when I got there, had he waited even 1 more hour I would of not made it. I was in the hospital for 6 days and had a nurse come daily to my house for 2 weeks. 4 weeks later I said GOOD BYE![/quote']

Oh my gosh.... that is horrible!! Thankfully my husband is not and never has been physical and his words have gotten better, but with his disease its only a matter of time before he has a mood change and throws his words again. Tomorrow is my first appt with the surgeon and my husband wants to go to keep me company so I am just going to take it one day at a time and pray that he gets the help/ meds he needs to get better. Thank you for sharing your story, you are so strong!!

My ex husband is both bipolar and schziophrenic though not offically diagnosed until after our divorce. Nothing ever got better. I was medicated he was medicated I went to counseling he went to counseling we both went to counseling we moved couple of times trial separations. I even hauled his butt on the doctor phil show. We were the main guests on one of his earliest shows in 2002. Divorcing him was hard. He continues to be crazy and abusive verbally so I have a permanent restraining order. But I got remarried last august to a fabulous man and my life is a million times better. Move on sister. Time for a healthy life!

When your sleeved you'll find that you cannot use food to medicate yourself anymore, and once the weight starts to come off and he can't call you names anymore, he'll find another topic to use against you. He needs counseling, and Lord willing he could be saved. Don't let him sabotage you!!! Don't set the example for you children that his behavior is okay, would you want your son's and daughters acting like him or putting up with a man treating them that way?? It's good that your aware of your situation, because knowledge is power!!! MANY women leave abusive men, it can be done, and it happens all the time. Life hasn't promised us easy street, so if he won't make an effort to get help, your heart will tell you what you need to do.