I'm having a hard time.

When I first started doing my research into surgery and options with getting it. I was feeling rather defeated. I knew it would be 4 or 5 years before I would be able to get a surgery if I chose to have it paid by insurance. That't just how long the wait list is , here in BC, Canada

So i checked out this whole "self-pay" thing. I thought..okay..if i just put a little money away every so often, then I can afford it.

Well, the surgery is almost paid for..so whats the problem?

Well, all of the sudden, I have been feeling guilty. I have been thinking about how that is $5000 just for the surgery and then flights on top of it..so 6,200$ and its like...that's a lot of money to spend on myself, my own well-being. I keep thinking how that money could fix our trailer that is currently molding on the inside of the walls. I keep thinking that's money we could use to pay off are debt so instead of being in debt by 34,000$, It could be less than $30, 000. Or i could pay a lot of my student loan off for school that I am doing right now.

Why does it feel so selfish of me? I don't know. Perhaps because I feel like its my fault that I got this way. I did this to myself. I know its not the way God made me. Its the way i made myself. Maybe living with all this fat, is just my punishment for all my stupid choices I made and every decision I made to NOT take care of myself.

I feel like I haven't taken care of myself much at all. Now, when it seems like I have the choice to make it about taking care of myself and putting myself first in front of my husband and my daughter, why, do i feel guilty?

Tell me someone, that I am not the only one who goes this. Tell me that it gets better or goes away. Tell me that its the right decision...tell me something..because I don't know what to do.

Is this normal? Does everyone feel guilt when they have to pay for it themself?

How much money would you pay up front if someonevsaid you were dying and $6200 was all it cost to save your life? You would beg, borrow, or steal that money to save your life and none of those other things would even be a second thought! That is what the surgery is... it will save your life in the long run... and that will give you MANY more years to earn $ to deal with those other expenses that will always be part of life!

I can relate! I felt the same way being self pay. I kept thinking that there are so many other things I could use the money for. But, what is my health worth? A lot more than $5000! In the end, what ended up making up my mind was this: I know that I will save a lot of many on food. I'm just 4 weeks post op, and have already noticed a difference. So, within a few years it will have paid for itself.

And trust me, no matter the cost you ARE worth it!

I agree with the others...You are doing this for a better future..Not sure what your life is like right now but you know what it could be if you dont help yourself and your future health...You may end up with alot more in medical bills for obese related issues than what you are in debt for now...Keep moving in the direction you have been do the surgery and everything will fall into place. Keep your head up and tell yourself you are worth every penny you spend.!

This is an investment in you, probably for the first time in your life - and you are worth it. From your pic you look you still have many years ahead of you. Spending this money now will give you a better quality of life and health. If you still have 50 years to go, that's a cost if $125 dollars every year for the rest of your life based on the surgery fee. Now does that seem an unreasonable spend on yourself? If you are healthy, you have more chance of working and earning the money to deal with your debts. Just a thought...

I am way older than you and have spent $15,000 on this surgery (I am in the UK). I have never spent this amount of money on anything other than my home and certainly not on me. But almost five weeks after surgery, I have no regrets. My diabetes has gone, my arthritis has improved beyond belief after 30 years and I am losing weight. I couldn't be happier with my life. My sister said to me at the weekend that I was so different, not just in looks but in attitude, more relaxed and happier :-)

This is not an easy surgery or, as you know, an inexpensive option. But you know why you have gone to all the trouble of saving hard to do this - don't be distracted now, focus on what you want from the surgery and think of the difference it will make to you. I hope you go ahead and wish you lots of luck xx

All I can do is reiterate that YOU are worth it! The investment in your health is worth every penny.

I feel the same way. I think how this money can pay off some bills that really need to be paid off but then I think this is my life I'm trying to save. I know I'm close to being diabetic and because of my back I can barely get done around the house what needs to be done so I'm doing this for me and my family.

I felt the exact way you do. I still do after the surgery. And honestly with the shakes pre op and post op, the airport parking, and the unpaid time from work...it's costing more than 5k. Then I found THIS site. And complete strangers told me I was worth it. The surgery was worth it. And I deserved to be happy and healthy. You've saved so much money. You can do it again. And you can pay down your debt and fix your home and you will want to because you will be happier and healthier and want to surround yourself with what you deserve.

I kept telling my husband i was sorry but i needed this he told.me if i needed the surgery i needed it. I definately felt guilty however now 2.5 months later i am thankful and love my husband even more for not making me feel even worse...you are not alone

Honey you are so important, you only have body to live in its time to take care of that body. I am a mother, Me and my fiance are in debt I had to seriously put me first and remember that I want to live to play with my daughter to have more children and live a long healthy life. I had to be out of work for 9 weeks, thats 2 months with no paycheck and no disability or whatever to help me out. We made it work my fiance and I knew if this didnt happen now I wouldnt live to see 30 or 40. I was 322 pds and climbing, i could barely get out of bed I was always in pain. Now I am 16 weeks post op down 81.6 pds and I can play and work and am happy. Do it for you hunny, make your life what it should be.

You are worth it!

Many of us have put everyone else in our lives first for so long that we feel so much guilt for actually doing something for ourselves. The truth is you are worth it, your health is worth it, spending quality time with your daughter and husband is worth it!

I had the same nagging feeling in the back of my head...that I could spend the money on paying off a credit card.

However, this is my LIFE...this is my HEALTH

I am a woman and by nature all I ever do is do things for others or take care of things before I take care of myself.

This time I said NO...I am taking care of ME first.

Good luck

Right there with you, sister. Here's how I beat it ... I think of the confidence I will have to reach for more after the surgery -- the job interviews that I won't have to worry about whether I can find a suit to fit, for example -- and the money I won't spend on diet food, pills, diet cookbooks ... I have spent so much money over the years trying to fight the fat. You are young, healthy and can save that money by investing in the surgery and investing in yourself. Your daughter will grow up valuing herself because she has a mother who takes care of herself. This is not the time to be a martyr, it's the time to take control of your life and give yourself and your family the healthy mama they deserve. I say do it.

Heather, I don't know you, but I know that you are worth WAY more than a few thousand dollars!!! Get this surgery. Lose the weight and feel healthy. THEN tackle all the other stuff that you would like to fix.

I thought about the money as well.... Then I thought about losing my mother at such a young age and if I didn't get ahold of my life now I might not be around to see my daughter grow up and get married an have a family of her own. I wanted to be healthy for her. So it justified everything I was doing, it isn't selfish at all! You are gaining your life back! For you, for your daughter, your husband. You got this!!!!! I'd rather have the debt in my life then not have a life! You are worth it and more.