I realized this weekend something I think I should have realized long ago: I have this addictive behavior problem. I realized this after visiting my boyfriend in Canada this last weekend. I realized (and this is probably TMI) that I have a sexual addiction problem. I am honestly going to go through a 12-step program to help me get over this. I can't be with him any more. I throw my values to the wind when I'm with him.

I'm realizing also that the addictive behavior spreads to all aspects of my life: food, sex, music (I used to practice about 6 hours a day)... everything. I wonder if, when starting off this whole lap banding experience, I should have started with a 12-step program. I think many of us have addictive behaviors and use food as an outlet. I have come to realize that the emotional element is stronger than the band, in many ways. In my opinion we need to get some sort of training on overcoming our emotional addictions to food. Get to the source of the problem!

Stop yelling at me, I know, I know:phanvan

Pudding, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a problem with alcohol. Its gotten a little better while banded but I still struggle with it. A 12 step program in my opinion should be for everyone. We could all use a bit of what they teach us. I'm glad you are looking into yourself. That is so important on this journey. I would say love and sex addiction could easily be one of my problems as well. I just got over an affair with a married man in NYC. I'm married too and live in CA. Its been a rough 7 months for me and now that I'm looking at it from this side of the fence I can see just how unhealthy it was during the affair. Addicted to the behavior, sex and everything including the drama. Drama especially. I am just glad I made things right with my husband. No more drama and the unexpected. Its nice to be back home. Best of luck to you.

Look up CODA - codependents annoymous. It is a 12 step program. It covers the issues you mentioned. Working the program might help you find the root to the problem.

Good luck

I can relate to the addictive behaviors. I know I could have so many addictions if I didn't get control of them. Or what I deem to be control. my biggest vice has been food and there is that small, very real fear that when this is conquered, I will move onto something else. I don't drink, I don't smoke(anymore), I don't shop, I occasionally gamble (once a year DH and I take a trip to Foxwoods and I am too cheap to get that into it). But the sex thing is really real for me. I just hope I don't find myself looking hot and looking elsewhere for attn. That is awful to even admit..I have a great husband who is also very handsome, but I don't think that is what addiction is about. I have a close family member who is in AA and I love when she talks (sort of preaches) to me about all she has learned. She is working her program and I love to hear her outlook on life. It is very motivating and uplifting and I think I could benefit from a similair program. Maybe a general addictive behavior 12 step. I never did OA, anyone else? Maybe that is somewhere I should have looked before.

BTW, puddin-I have been following your progress with the band and you are a great inspiration for me! I hope you find all your strengths within yourself and discover your true self in this journey.

Consider what you get from the sex that's so addictive.

Sometimes it's just the pleasurable feeling (in which case we get manic masturbators).

Usually it's centered around acceptance, or control, or blurred lines of fantasy, or aggression, or...

Dependency = you need people. Codependency = you need people, and you need them to need you. Not so well aligned with the drivers behind sexual deviancy (yes, that's technically where we are, but it's not negative.).

You'll find many codeps working in social service fields - care providers, group home supervisors, etc. Because they "need" their clients, but they also "need" their clients to need them, and it's the perfect environment to have that need met.

America is under-medicated! Except our children..

Puddin, awesome photos. Was it you who long ago redid their basement in a tropical type theme, or am I completely confusing you with someone else?

Puddin, awesome photos. Was it you who long ago redid their basement in a tropical type theme, or am I completely confusing you with someone else?

Thanks woman! Yeah, it was me who did the basement in the tropical theme.

When I consider what I get from sex that I'm addicted to, it's honestly that feeling of pleasure. When I'm with my (now ex) boyfriend I need it like 10 times a day, and so does he. We are not a good combination. We broke it off yesterday. It was way too intense. Plus... he's a manipulator I've come to realize. Anyhow, now I'm going crazy. I'm looking everywhere thinking "yeah, I'd do him." How awful is that??? I feel like a guy (no offense fellas). I can't control this. I don't want to gain this weight back to have to control this problem again!

Puddin - I always joke that I love pleasures of the flesh. food, sex, perfumes, bubble baths - anything that makes me feel good I love! I broke up with my boyfriend of five years a little over a year ago and have not had sex since. I oogle men and sometimes feel like a guy myself. But while I have had a handful of opportunities to have sex, I have always turned them down. My reason - if I do it once, I'll have to start over getting used to not having sex. It's like detox. lol Sounds silly, I know, but it's really how I feel. The first few months of not having sex is SOOOO difficult - I don't want to waste it for a one night fling that might not even be any good. I'm waiting until I'm dating someone so I can do it 10 times a day. That's the fun part of a new relationship!

Good luck with the "detox"!

Oh dear people, this is impossible! I met someone today I'd gone out with a few weeks ago with the EXPRESS purpose of just making out. I thought "nothing wrong with a little noncommittal makeout action," but I'm wrong! I just can't stop there. It's cold turkey men for me. No more for me!

Puddin- You look GREAT- like a totally different person!! I can relate to your addictive behavior- would like for mine to be sex- my husband opposes!! How dare he- sure makes oogling guys fun!! I look at them and think the same. However my addiction has been food and shopping. We all have an addiction to break-

If I were single it would be sex!!

So where the heck do you MEET decent guys anyway that don't want to take advantage of you? Goonabethin, I don't wish this addiction on anyone. It wreaks havoc on lives in so many ways, just like all other addictions. It leaves heartbreak on so many levels in its wake.

Drug addicts will cause many problems to health so to avoid drug is very benefit for health

=====

helen

Comprehensive resources for those looking for recovery from addiction.

ADDICTION RECOVERY and TREATMENT PROGRAMS for Resources and Research on Drug and Alcohol Rehab and Treatment Centers.

Personally, I am not a fan of 12 step programs. If abstinence was enough then the recidivism rate for addicts of all kinds would not be so high. I believe that you must get to the root of your addicitive behaviour - not the object of your addiction. You must deal with the underlying issues that led to addiction and heal those wounds first.

Personally, I am not a fan of 12 step programs. If abstinence was enough then the recidivism rate for addicts of all kinds would not be so high. I believe that you must get to the root of your addicitive behaviour - not the object of your addiction. You must deal with the underlying issues that led to addiction and heal those wounds first.

Actually the 12 step program for addicts does just that. Helps you to deal with the root of the problem that led you to addiction to begin with. You must take it one step at a time. Admit you have a problem, seek support and understanding that you are not alone, recognize your triggers, forgiveness, etc. My daughter is a drug addict. She has been in recovery for some time now, attends meetings regularly, and I've attended some with her. I can easily apply the 12 step to recovery to my addiction to food. In fact, going to the meetings made me realize I am addicted to food. Who was I kidding all these years!