This is a rant in the truest sense of the word. This is probably the most frustrated you will see me get on this forum. I've been hanging out on VST for almost a year and I am now 3 weeks postop. I'm no expert, but I am a woman with food addiction trying to get healthy.

Some of the questions I've come across blow my mind. Truly. It's not that I don't get this is a journey and a struggle. I do. I get it. I've wanted to lick spoons!

But really?! Bread a week out?! Trying to figure out how soon b4 you can get drunk?! Let's eat at McDonalds for Protein?! I've been sleeved a month, can I get Chinese takeout?! I sure miss bingeing?!?! Pass the box of donuts, it is all I can afford?!?!

Disclaimer: I plan to eat realistically. I know I will eat bread again. I'm sure wine will pass between my lips again. I imagine I will partake in Chinese food, although a buffet would be a total waste. I will sink my teeth into a Boston cream donut. But I'm 3 weeks out. These things are not my priority. And while I won't tell others what their priorities should be, if these are yours you may want to find out why.

I've been tempted to ask my uncle, he is going on two years sleeved, what he can hold comfortably in one sitting max. But when I reflect on why I'm asking that I realize its my addiction wanting to know this. Wanting to anticipate max binge ability. When I read some of the above questions my brain translates it to my subject title: How Soon Can I Resume My Pre-Sleeve Eating Lifestyle?

Maybe I'm wrong/reading more into things, and my emotions and whatnot are getting to me postop.

You might hate being fat but that is not enough. You have to hate living and thinking like a fat person. You must hate the process of getting fat. Stay off that train, find the right one!

Gmanbat I SO enjoy reading your posts. They are so thoughtful!

And here, here Amanda! It needed saying. I must admit as my date draws closer I feel terrified of myself; I hope I don't become one of the aforementioned folks. Can I really do this? I hate exercise, and yet I know in order to reach my greatest success I will have to do it, lots of it, religiously. What will happen when I start to get bored to death of purees and soft foods, and start salivating over some of the stuff that I shouldn't have? What if I'm not strong enough? What if I fail....again? I know that it's all in my head, and I'm spending these last couple of weeks reading all sorts of self-help, trying to reprogram a brain that has gone far too long seeing food as comfort, joy, and a cure for boredom. Logically every point that you present makes perfect sense, but there's nothing logical about that feeling of deprivation, and the subsequent hissy fit my inner-voice pitches "why can SHE eat more than me, yet she's thin? It's not FAIR!" Still, to be sure, since I'm paying thousands out of my pocket to cut most of my damned stomach out, I'm hoping that will serve as the impetus I need to get my butt in gear. And like you say, to be already focused on how much naughtiness we can get away with just a couple of weeks post-op only sets us up for failure. I choose, therefore, to take it one day at a time, focus on how much I'm gaining, not whatever it is that I may feel as though I'm giving up. An attitude of gratitude. (Just might need you guys help every now and again to remind me, lol, but I promise not to whine about not being able to fit a half dozen Krispy Kreme's down my sleeve!)

I remember the nurses after surgery complimenting me on my desire to get up and walk constantly. I was confused, because that's what we were told to do! They said that more often than not, bariatric patients wake up expecting to be skinny and have no desire to follow the guidelines. I was shocked to hear that, considering the risk, but some of the posts on here really prove it's true! The good thing is that they are on here trying to learn. The bad thing is that some give BAD advice to each other, and it's hard to tell who you should listen to until you've been around a while.

I'm gonna jump in on this one because, in my philosophy, for many of us it's a bigger picture issue.

I had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Not a personality change, not a lobotomy.

If my obesity is part of a larger mental health issue, then the Sleeve is just half of the answer. Some folks don't know that they have addiction/personality disorder components as part of their diagnosis. Or have some amount of denial. So, they go into the procedure with only half the solution at hand. They can hear/see the formula and "know" the way the lifestyle works... but if they're not addressing the addiction/personality side of it because they don't realize or don't acknowledge it, then it stands to reason old habits will TRY to be retained.

I will freely admit and discuss that, for me, obesity resulted from a life of addiction/mental health disorder. I was damn lucky that my Sleeve Journey started with years of counseling and culminated in a watershed moment where I knew I had to change and needed help to do it. Not everyone for who the story is similar has that resource or insight. I know that without my small army of professionals, family and friends supporting me, I'd probably be asking the same questions you're frustrated by. I often wonder what the support of those asking these questions is like.

Is it frustrating to see folks posting freely about wanting to "cheat"? Yep. Is it SCARY how soon some folks push the envelope? Totally. Do I wonder what is in their minds? All the time. Do I want to shake them and aks why they bothered? Ohmygosh yes!

But then, I think about my own heart and how many times in my 9 weeks post op I've had a (albeit much quieter) demon on my shoulder telling me how good that toast would taste, how a "little piece" of this or that won't hurt me, just ONE will not make the scale go up. How many times in my 9 weeks post op I've failed to follow the program by not getting enough water/protein/exercise... giving in to the demon in my brain on a few occassions.

I guess my point is, I feel ya AmandaRae. Completely. But as a person who is struggling, I'd just ask for those who want to "tell it like it is" to do so, but add a dash of compassion into it too- the person asking about bread/chinese food/eating "normally" may not have half their own story solved or it may be winning them over for the moment. Shall I prepare for the flames now? Or perhaps I've just killed another thread?

I'm gonna jump in on this one because' date=' in my philosophy, for many of us it's a bigger picture issue.

I had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Not a personality change, not a lobotomy.

If my obesity is part of a larger mental health issue, then the Sleeve is just half of the answer. Some folks don't know that they have addiction/personality disorder components as part of their diagnosis. Or have some amount of denial. So, they go into the procedure with only half the solution at hand. They can hear/see the formula and "know" the way the lifestyle works... but if they're not addressing the addiction/personality side of it because they don't realize or don't acknowledge it, then it stands to reason old habits will TRY to be retained.

I will freely admit and discuss that, for me, obesity resulted from a life of addiction/mental health disorder. I was damn lucky that my Sleeve Journey started with years of counseling and culminated in a watershed moment where I knew I had to change and needed help to do it. Not everyone for who the story is similar has that resource or insight. I know that without my small army of professionals, family and friends supporting me, I'd probably be asking the same questions you're frustrated by. I often wonder what the support of those asking these questions is like.

Is it frustrating to see folks posting freely about wanting to "cheat"? Yep. Is it SCARY how soon some folks push the envelope? Totally. Do I wonder what is in their minds? All the time. Do I want to shake them and aks why they bothered? Ohmygosh yes!

But then, I think about my own heart and how many times in my 9 weeks post op I've had a (albeit much quieter) demon on my shoulder telling me how good that toast would taste, how a "little piece" of this or that won't hurt me, just ONE will not make the scale go up. How many times in my 9 weeks post op I've failed to follow the program by not getting enough water/protein/exercise... giving in to the demon in my brain on a few occassions.

I guess my point is, I feel ya AmandaRae. Completely. But as a person who is struggling, I'd just ask for those who want to "tell it like it is" to do so, but add a dash of compassion into it too- the person asking about bread/chinese food/eating "normally" may not have half their own story solved or it may be winning them over for the moment. Shall I prepare for the flames now? Or perhaps I've just killed another thread?[/quote']

I really appreciate your perspective the same way I appreciated reading your journey to Dr. Kelly.

I did try and "own" that part, the main part, of the reason those threads bother me is due to my own food demons. They resonate deeply in my heart/mind. They strike a chord like no other. They're a siren's song that I hear deep down in my soul.

I was not trying to be heartless or insensitive and I apologize if it came across that way. My heart really does break for those who seem overwhelmed by their addiction and maybe I've started hardening my heart to protect it.

Accountability is huge for me. If you mess up. Have a weak moment. "Cheat". Own it.

There is a gentleman on this forum who feels he has no restriction and his surgery was a fail. If that proves to be the case then that is not his fault. And I hope he finds the answers and resolutions he needs to succeed... But while he waits to confirm this he is eating junk food and commented that they "made him eat bad food" by messing up his sleeve. That's just not true. We are responsible for our actions. We need to own it.

I always remembered the spelling because the vowels are in order... Yep' date=' I'm a nerd. [/quote']

Join the club, m'dear. Same reason I remember it. But I'm a geek, not a nerd. :-D

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-T989 using VST

AmandaRaeLeo, I really hesitated to post my response, because this IS the rants and raves forum... you're totally right and okay to have a rant. I probably should have stuffed it. I just read one too many "are you nutz" replies today.

I am right there with you, realizing that there are those here who regularly post about self-sabotage and it DOES hit too close to home. But there are hard hitting replies a time or ten when the person seems more innocent, in a weak moment, and it reads like an attack. Perhaps that is the time I should jump in with this post!

You didn't offend me at all... just wanted to offer an "other side of the coin" reply. Peace!

oh, and AmandaRaeLeo... I *LOVE* this comment, I need to put it up at my office:

"If you mess up. Have a weak moment. "Cheat". Own it."

I'm gonna jump in on this one because, in my philosophy, for many of us it's a bigger picture issue.

I had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Not a personality change, not a lobotomy.

If my obesity is part of a larger mental health issue, then the Sleeve is just half of the answer. Some folks don't know that they have addiction/personality disorder components as part of their diagnosis. Or have some amount of denial. So, they go into the procedure with only half the solution at hand. They can hear/see the formula and "know" the way the lifestyle works... but if they're not addressing the addiction/personality side of it because they don't realize or don't acknowledge it, then it stands to reason old habits will TRY to be retained.

I will freely admit and discuss that, for me, obesity resulted from a life of addiction/mental health disorder. I was damn lucky that my Sleeve Journey started with years of counseling and culminated in a watershed moment where I knew I had to change and needed help to do it. Not everyone for who the story is similar has that resource or insight. I know that without my small army of professionals, family and friends supporting me, I'd probably be asking the same questions you're frustrated by. I often wonder what the support of those asking these questions is like.

Is it frustrating to see folks posting freely about wanting to "cheat"? Yep. Is it SCARY how soon some folks push the envelope? Totally. Do I wonder what is in their minds? All the time. Do I want to shake them and aks why they bothered? Ohmygosh yes!

But then, I think about my own heart and how many times in my 9 weeks post op I've had a (albeit much quieter) demon on my shoulder telling me how good that toast would taste, how a "little piece" of this or that won't hurt me, just ONE will not make the scale go up. How many times in my 9 weeks post op I've failed to follow the program by not getting enough water/protein/exercise... giving in to the demon in my brain on a few occassions.

I guess my point is, I feel ya AmandaRae. Completely. But as a person who is struggling, I'd just ask for those who want to "tell it like it is" to do so, but add a dash of compassion into it too- the person asking about bread/chinese food/eating "normally" may not have half their own story solved or it may be winning them over for the moment. Shall I prepare for the flames now? Or perhaps I've just killed another thread?

Excellent comment. Perfectly stated.

AmandaRaeLeo' date=' I really hesitated to post my response, because this IS the rants and raves forum... you're totally right and okay to have a rant. I probably should have stuffed it. I just read one too many "are you nutz" replies today. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

I am right there with you, realizing that there are those here who regularly post about self-sabotage and it DOES hit too close to home. But there are hard hitting replies a time or ten when the person seems more innocent, in a weak moment, and it reads like an attack. Perhaps that is the time I should jump in with this post!

You didn't offend me at all... just wanted to offer an "other side of the coin" reply. Peace![/quote']

It was a good and relevant response. Balance.

I make it a point to try and be honest and direct without being hurtful. I also try and avoid finger pointing unless I'm willing to take a good hard look in the mirror first. Sometimes I'm successful and other times... Not so much.

I was hoping I didn't miss my mark with this thread. :-)

Gmanbat I SO enjoy reading your posts. They are so thoughtful!

And here, here Amanda! It needed saying. I must admit as my date draws closer I feel terrified of myself; I hope I don't become one of the aforementioned folks. Can I really do this? I hate exercise, and yet I know in order to reach my greatest success I will have to do it, lots of it, religiously. What will happen when I start to get bored to death of purees and soft foods, and start salivating over some of the stuff that I shouldn't have? What if I'm not strong enough? What if I fail....again? I know that it's all in my head, and I'm spending these last couple of weeks reading all sorts of self-help, trying to reprogram a brain that has gone far too long seeing food as comfort, joy, and a cure for boredom. Logically every point that you present makes perfect sense, but there's nothing logical about that feeling of deprivation, and the subsequent hissy fit my inner-voice pitches "why can SHE eat more than me, yet she's thin? It's not FAIR!" Still, to be sure, since I'm paying thousands out of my pocket to cut most of my damned stomach out, I'm hoping that will serve as the impetus I need to get my butt in gear. And like you say, to be already focused on how much naughtiness we can get away with just a couple of weeks post-op only sets us up for failure. I choose, therefore, to take it one day at a time, focus on how much I'm gaining, not whatever it is that I may feel as though I'm giving up. An attitude of gratitude. (Just might need you guys help every now and again to remind me, lol, but I promise not to whine about not being able to fit a half dozen Krispy Kreme's down my sleeve!)

I had many self-doubts before my operation. I envisioned myself fainting in a supermarket from lack of food and paramedics being called. I contemplated going bonkers with hunger and being super depressed from it. None of that happened.

I am not famished, never have been. Far from fainting, this morning I ran up a steep hill, full speed, with 5 pound weights in each hand, 11 times. After that I did 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of knee bends. Not bad for a 64 year old cancer survivor.

My hunger is far less than I worried about. The exercise actually helps in that department, it seems to give me the desire for good food and not too much of it.

It is natural to wonder how we are going to do before an event that will try our bravery and resolve.

When I face something big I think about the soldiers on D-Day who were being shuttled from ships to the beach to face a wall of bullets that was taking down friends all around them. They ran right into it for love of country and fellow soldier with their hearts beating out of their chest. They were just humans like me but nothing I have ever faced comes close to comparing. We humans are capable of great fortitude if we give ourselves a chance and have faith.

I think it is easy to get frustrated with what gets posted here regularly. I stopped pouring over every post a long time ago after I was getting offline email about my responses.It is also why I put in my signature that I may tell you something that you don't want to hear. There just seems to be so many people that want the quick fix and cut every corner they can to get there. I also think the thing to keep in mind and it goes back to the discussion thread earlier about regrets is that some people don't have the proper expectation, support and drive to make this surgery a success. I mean if you had the proper support in place with a nutritionist and a Dr and even a PCP, how could you reasonably expect to come here and ask about bread right after surgery or eating take out, without getting some significant blow back? We all understand that this is a support forum, but it isn't a place to seek and obtain absolution. I don't mind being supportive and plenty of people here (including myself) need support, but I don't think we are here to sign off and salute when someone wants to cheat or someone ate something that truly goes against what is reasonably sane given our situations. For once I might have to actually agree with Amanda, as if you did cheat, fine own it, but don't come here looking for absolution and when you don't get it, call us all out for it.

oh, and AmandaRaeLeo... I *LOVE* this comment, I need to put it up at my office:

"If you mess up. Have a weak moment. "Cheat". Own it."

Another one I love is "Make it a choice, not a cheat"!!! I love it because if we are truly making a lifestyle change then there should never be a reason to "cheat". Cheating implies that we shouldn't have something. Why shouldn't we? Even those "normal" people without food issues/addictions eat foods that are not "healthy". The way I see it, if you're going to eat cake, pizza, candy, whatever....make the CHOICE to eat it AND enjoy it, understand what that type of food does to your body (i.e. blood sugar spikes) and then move on and get back on track!!!

I don't deprive myself of anything!! My goal in having surgery was not to NEVER eat something unhealthy ever again. My goal was to develop and healthier relationship with food....which is a work in progress, but nonetheless, progress!!!

Great topic!! And I hear you Amanda Rae....sometimes the things people say here drives me nuts!! Most of the time I just don't respond becasue I realize that I'm being too judgemental and/or it's not my place to speak my mind. Like Measureofme said, we're all at different points in our journey. Hopefully, we'll all find our way!!!

[quote name="Lisa ]

Another one I love is "Make it a choice' date=' not a cheat"!!! I love it because if we are truly making a lifestyle change then there should never be a reason to "cheat". Cheating implies that we shouldn't have something. Why shouldn't we? Even those "normal" people without food issues/addictions eat foods that are not "healthy". The way I see it, if you're going to eat cake, pizza, candy, whatever....make the CHOICE to eat it AND enjoy it, understand what that type of food does to your body (i.e. blood sugar spikes) and then move on and get back on track!!!

I don't deprive myself of anything!! My goal in having surgery was not to NEVER eat something unhealthy ever again. My goal was to develop and healthier relationship with food....which is a work in progress, but nonetheless, progress!!!

Great topic!! And I hear you Amanda Rae....sometimes the things people say here drives me nuts!! Most of the time I just don't respond becasue I realize that I'm being too judgemental and/or it's not my place to speak my mind. Like Measureofme said, we're all at different points in our journey. Hopefully, we'll all find our way!!![/quote']

I agree with not calling it a cheat, but rather a choice. I chose "cheat" because it is status quo. But we are humans, and I don't want to let the pendulum swing too far in the other direction. I want balance.

fa·ce·tious [fuh-see-shuhs] Show IPA

adjective

1.

not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.

I knew it was facetious. I like that word although it would have killed me in a spelling bee.

I've been told that it's the only word in the English language that contains all five vowels in order. And if you make it 'facetiously', you can also count the "sometimes y".

I had many self-doubts before my operation. I envisioned myself fainting in a supermarket from lack of food and paramedics being called. I contemplated going bonkers with hunger and being super depressed from it. None of that happened.

I am not famished' date=' never have been. Far from fainting, this morning I ran up a steep hill, full speed, with 5 pound weights in each hand, 11 times. After that I did 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of knee bends. Not bad for a 64 year old cancer survivor.

My hunger is far less than I worried about. The exercise actually helps in that department, it seems to give me the desire for good food and not too much of it.

It is natural to wonder how we are going to do before an event that will try our bravery and resolve.

When I face something big I think about the soldiers on D-Day who were being shuttled from ships to the beach to face a wall of bullets that was taking down friends all around them. They ran right into it for love of country and fellow soldier with their hearts beating out of their chest. They were just humans like me but nothing I have ever faced comes close to comparing. We humans are capable of great fortitude if we give ourselves a chance and have faith.[/quote']