Well I've done an EGD, a sleep study, a stress test, pre-op blood work and EKG, pre-op visits, and tomorrow I start the all liquid diet. Not to mention the fact that I had the band placed and it has failed (leaking) with no restriction and I've regained, so now I'm getting sleeved. I'm not lazy, stupid, or misinformed.

I was chatting with a woman at the doctor's office last week who was 6 weeks post-op. She was so happy as she had already lost 30 pounds. She told me she no longer felt the need to eat all day long and she felt free for the first time in her life. She was in her late 50's. I know I don't want to give up another 20 years of my life living like this. That's why I'm doing this. I have such an unhealthy, exhausting relationship with food. I don't eat because I'm hungry each time. I eat because I can, because I'm sad, because I'm happy, because it's there. For me it's like I can never shut that need off. I hate myself everyday for not being able to control it. I just want to be "normal" when it comes to food. I want a tool that will help me eat because I need to, not because I want to.

I'm scared too. I worry that it won't turn out how I want it to. I worry that I'm sacrificing so much just to do this. I swore I'd never go this route, but yet here I am. But I also know I have to do something. I just want to be free. I'm doing this for myself and for my family. I want to be around a long time. And I want to actually participate in my life, not just be a bystander. Tomorrow is the start of all liquids. I know it's going to be brutal, but if this is what I have to do to get where I want to be, then I'll do it.

So, this "rant" is for those of you who tell me I'm taking the easy way out. Walk a mile in my shoes and tell me how easy it is. Until then.... Shut it!

I second that emotion!! There's nothing easy about this decision at all, it's life changing. The surgery is just the start, we will have to be the ones who do the work!

I don't think you will ever be judged here. I'm reading on yours the many things I've been though so we are in this together if you want it.. Surgury to me is not the easy way out, it just might be the only one that works for us. I wish you good luck in your journey and keep positive...

Congrats BB145! I think you made the perfect choice! I could've written that myself! I was ALWAYS obsessing about food! It's only been 6 wks now & I no longer have that obsession! I LOVE being able to eat just a small amount & be perfectly satisfied! I now eat to live..NOT live to eat! Good luck!

"And I want to actually participate in my life, not just be a bystander."

AMEN!! Oh my gosh I want that on a t-shirt <3

I don't think you will ever be judged here. I'm reading on yours the many things I've been though so we are in this together if you want it.. Surgury to me is not the easy way out, it just might be the only one that works for us. I wish you good luck in your journey and keep positive...

No, I haven't been judged here. the outside world is not so kind. I've had a rough day and the negativity I have been feeling from others has finally gotten on my last nerve. Thank you for the well wishes.

Congrats BB145! I think you made the perfect choice! I could've written that myself! I was ALWAYS obsessing about food! It's only been 6 wks now & I no longer have that obsession! I LOVE being able to eat just a small amount & be perfectly satisfied! I now eat to live..NOT live to eat! Good luck!

Thanks for posting that! I needed to hear that today! I'm so glad to hear how well you've done. Congrats!! I'm so ready to do this! This is going to be the longest week of my life!

"And I want to actually participate in my life, not just be a bystander."

AMEN!! Oh my gosh I want that on a t-shirt <3

What a great idea!! Love it! I'd wear it with pride.

I second that emotion!! There's nothing easy about this decision at all, it's life changing. The surgery is just the start, we will have to be the ones who do the work!

Good luck! I hope you get your approval soon!

I was you! Exactly had the same relationship with food. Whenever we were going to an event, I never thought about all my friends I was going to see, I thought about what food was going to be served. Had my surgery 9/17 & down 74 pounds. I wish I did this years ago! I'm loving life & now I eat to live not the other way around. Good luck to you & I also hope you get approved quickly. We are all here for you....