I'm so new all I've done is fax in my paperwork to be reviewed by the doc's office! But I had to get the paperwork out of the garbage to do that. I've thought about weight loss surgery before, but got so scared by the idea that I left it in the dust. I'm an RN, and I have been fat all my life. The only time I was a normal weight was when no one had fed me yet when I was born, because forever after that, BAM...I was big. I have never known anything but a very short time of being smaller, and that was during a health scare after my third daughter was born. I was too scared to eat, and lost about 67 pounds, but as soon as they told me I was okay I slowly gained it all back again. I had been so hungry all the time and miserable with never eating.

Now here I am, 43, have three girls and my hubby to live for, and I feel terrible. I ache, I'm tired. I have plans for all kinds of things I'd love to accomplish but no energy to do them. I have past cardiac issues that I healed from, but my doctor said, "Don't get diabetes, it's just going to set your care backwards two steps"...and I am prediabetic with metabolic syndrome. I look into the future and see someone who may lose 20 pounds here or there but gains it right back again plus some, and will never do the things she dreams of as time slides away.

And will I get to see grandchildren, or help with their care? I don't know. I admit I'm scared of this surgery, of the possibility of blood clots (because I have a hypercoagulabilty issue) or something going wrong. I'm scared of the idea of part of my stomach being taken away. But I'm scared to stay the way I have been for my whole life.

I weigh 270 and I don't want to be a fat nurse anymore. My self esteem is in the toilet and I hate how I look. I want to crawl out of this and enjoy life again, but I no longer have any faith in diets because I've failed at them so many times. I can't even stand to start one because I just see it as a farce.

My husband supports me in this, but I am keeping it from my mother who is of the opinion that this kind of thing is butchery and if I'd just stop eating everything would be fine. I'm the nurse, but she always thinks she knows everything about human health. Everything for her boils down to "just make yourself do it!" I wish life were that simple, really. There is nothing simple or easy about making this choice, and from what I've read there is nothing simple about the changes that need to be made to make this surgery work.

So I thought I would take one more step and sign on to this support list to begin my path. I'm going to need phenergan and xanax to be able to get to the hospital to have the surgery, that's how scared I get about things like that! I've been reading many stories on here and I see a lot of great people, including more nurses than I expected! Can't wait to get to know you. I live in Indiana, but will be going to Cincinnati, OH to Dr. Brad Watkins. I hear wonderful things about him, and look forward to my meeting with him.

Cara

So excited for you! You're life will change so much, I look forward to hearing about all your victories!!!

Being nervous is normal but you can do this!! Be strong and go get that surgery!!

Your life is waiting!!

It is so totally normal to be scared. I was too. Not only is it SURGERY with all of the possible complications, but then you have to go through the emotional aftermath. I made it through the surgery and now I am dealing with having to find another outlet for stress. I'm not sure I know how not to be fat, since like you, I have been overweight almost my entire life. I'm just trying to say (and not very well) that the surgery is so much more than having most of your stomach removed. It changes you fundamentally. And that's more than difficult. I am so happy I went through with it, and have no regrets, but I'm back to seeing a therapist to help me deal with the huge change I have made with my life. Good luck, let us know what you decide to do.

-Kendra

Welcome to the fourm. I was a lurker here for about a month before I made the commitment to get surgery. Take your time and read people's stories - and watch gastric sleeve journey youtube vidoes to get as much information as you can. My favorite video series is MrSmileyFL - http://www.youtube.com/feed/UCppSlsu0yfOr7v-d1fgIt0g

I am not the kind of person who makes decisions that can't be undone (I won't even get a tattoo :-)), so it was a tough thing to commit to the surgery. And I chickend out on the 1st try. But I did it on the 2nd, but still had concerns about what I was doing to myself. I can still remember being in pre-surgery, hooked up to the IV, laying on the gourney thinking, "What would happen if I just got up and walked out of here right now?"

It hasn't been easy or painless, but I'm glad I did it.

The more you learn, the more confident you will be on your decision.

Welcome to the fourm. I was a lurker here for about a month before I made the commitment to get surgery. Take your time and read people's stories - and watch gastric sleeve journey youtube vidoes to get as much information as you can. My favorite video series is MrSmileyFL - http://www.youtube.com/feed/UCppSlsu0yfOr7v-d1fgIt0g

I am not the kind of person who makes decisions that can't be undone (I won't even get a tattoo :-))' date=' so it was a tough thing to commit to the surgery. And I chickend out on the 1st try. But I did it on the 2nd, but still had concerns about what I was doing to myself. I can still remember being in pre-surgery, hooked up to the IV, laying on the gourney thinking, "What would happen if I just got up and walked out of here right now?"

It hasn't been easy or painless, but I'm glad I did it.

The more you learn, the more confident you will be on your decision.[/quote']

I am a little more than 2 weeks away from my surgery and having all sorts of emotions. As I read this I could feel them lessening! Thanks!

As I was writing on another post about the reasons why I have decided to look into doing this-the things that I miss out on and that have happened to me because of my weight-I realized it...

I'm really going to do this.

I'm not going to put the papers in the trashcan again. I am really ready for this change. I am really ready to find new ways to deal with life than food, like walking and biking and moving so much more. I'd like to learn how to make super healthy foods for my family and to be an example to my children before they ever become fat. They sit inside all the time, and I bet if MOM was outside doing things they'd be more likely to start going outside and moving, too. I have told them DON'T GET FAT, but their diets are crap and they seldom move. They are not healthy, even though they are not fat yet.

My husband is about 40-50 pounds overweight, and I think is watching me to see what happens. I can't ever see him doing this drastic step, but if he eats healther with me and goes out and walks more, maybe he will drop some weight and we can all feel so much better.

In which case, I am not just doing this for me, but for the health and well-being of my entire family. I'm really going to do this!

Yeah!!!!

I applaud your courage and I totally understand your fears, concerns and doubts because I have them all my self! This is my 2nd go round and I still am not 100% sure but I am at least getting all the prereqs things together. Try to think of what your life will be like when healthier(telling my self this too). But it can be hard when there are more saying negative comments, don't do it (like family/friends). But continue moving forward and your new life is just around the corner.

Healthygal,

Thanks for posting this. I am very new to all of this myself. I will go to an orientation on Feb 19. I've been lurking on this board for a couple of weeks trying to absorb all I can.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. About 25 years ago I lost 140 pounds by literally starving myself. I maintained the loss for 5 years by walking 3 miles a day and continuing my starvation diet. Life's stressors kicked in and I started gaining and stopped exercising and I am at my highest weight ever now.

I never thought I would consider WLS because a dear friend of mine died a few years ago, from complications from gastric bypass surgery, one week after the procedure. I have other friends ( married couple) who had gastric bypass surgery and both are heavier now than before the surgery.

Reading stories on this board has given me new hope. I m just so tired of being sick and tired! And I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren. We are taking our two oldest grandchildren to Disneyland this weekend, and while I am excited for them, all I can do is worry about fitting in the airplane seat, making it through all the walking at the airport, and facing the reality that I will probably have to rent a scooter at the parks.

I wish you all the best and hope we can soon compare our success stories!

Healthygal,

Thanks for posting this. I am very new to all of this myself. I will go to an orientation on Feb 19. I've been lurking on this board for a couple of weeks trying to absorb all I can.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. About 25 years ago I lost 140 pounds by literally starving myself. I maintained the loss for 5 years by walking 3 miles a day and continuing my starvation diet. Life's stressors kicked in and I started gaining and stopped exercising and I am at my highest weight ever now.

I never thought I would consider WLS because a dear friend of mine died a few years ago, from complications from gastric bypass surgery, one week after the procedure. I have other friends ( married couple) who had gastric bypass surgery and both are heavier now than before the surgery.

Reading stories on this board has given me new hope. I m just so tired of being sick and tired! And I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren. We are taking our two oldest grandchildren to Disneyland this weekend, and while I am excited for them, all I can do is worry about fitting in the airplane seat, making it through all the walking at the airport, and facing the reality that I will probably have to rent a scooter at the parks.

I wish you all the best and hope we can soon compare our success stories!

I know that as a nurse, there are actually shorthand notations we use for gastric bypasses gone wrong. It happens quite a bit. I also know a woman who had gastric bypass that isn't big but she's certainly not small, either. I know three people who have lap bands who have lost some weight but are not near their goal. The good thing is that VGS doesn't do the same rerouting that gastric bypass does, so there is less chance for infection. It is still a scary thing, but I really feel my life has to change and this is the only way to get it to change permanently.

Why is it that we have to make ourselves so miserable to get our weight down, I wonder? That's another aspect that sold me on the VGS, the reports that it decreases hunger so much and that diabetes and prediabetes can be resolved in nearly 80% of the cases within just a few months of surgery.

Because I have been obese since literally before kindergarten, I have never known how to eat properly. My body has been given the signal to overeat and those hormones have been at work in my body FOREVER. Part of me blames my family for this, since I look at pictures of myself as a little girl with huge rolls on my arms and legs and asked my mother and grandmother, "How did you NOT see that there was a problem? Why did you keep feeding me??" They just shrug and tell me that it was cute when I was little. NICE. Then they look at me like, so why don't you change it now, you're an adult and it isn't our fault your fat NOW. Well, science tells us it kind of IS. Setting all that into motion, the hormonals situations that my body has been bathed in since the beginning, the preprograming of the cells...well, yeah, they set me up for a lifetime of being fat or fighting like hell to change it. My body always fights back and wins.

Not anymore...

I could have written the original post. I have thought and thought about this, gave myself every reason not to have surgery. But then I went to a seminar and started researching. I am having surgery 2/28/13. I can't wait. I have had enough of being fat, being in pain every time I walk, tired if always being sick.

Like you, I have a mother who would never get this. So I am not telling her. We'll see what she has to say after the fact!

We'll all get healthy together!