Support System Or Lack There Of...

[bandalyons83 46]

Long story short I am scheduled for my surgery on Nov. 6th. I am very excited about it but I am also very worried but not for the obvious reasons. My husband and I have struggled with our weight together our entire relationship (8 yrs.). We have tried to diet just about the entire time and always have failed. Now that I am having my sleeve done I am so excited and I feel like I finally have hope that I wont be this way forever. One of my main concerns is that my husband is clueless about the surgery and what I will be going through. I feel like he has no idea what I am about to experience. I encourage him to research stuff with me and become educated about this process, but he doesnt seem to care. I am afraid that I am going into this ready to change so many things in my life, but he is going to be in shock when it happens. I want him to know what I am going through and really learn so that he can be a good support person. He is completly supportive that I am getting my sleeve, but he says that he just wants to make me happy so I am not sure how he really feels. He says he plans on dieting with me and trying to loose weight and work out, which I really hope he does and I will try my hardest to do my part. I guess my question is what can I do now to get him totally onboard and educated about what I am about to go through? Has anyone else been through this or have any advice? Thanks so so much!

[Chicago1962 125]

You can't really get him on board. He has to do that. You can help but he has to work on his own issues. Just keep being honest and keep the communication going. You will go through quite a process as you move toward surgery, have surgery, start to recover, and continue on your journey. You will change - a lot - in ways you have no idea about right now. He will change too. I say keep talking to him, lovin him, letting him walk his journey and you concentrate on getting yourself well. You can't control his recovery or his being on board - you can only control you. I'm super proud of you for taking this courageous step! Way to go!!!!!

[Traci J. 207]

I'm right there with you. I'm having mine on 12/19 if all goes as planned. My husband tries to act supportive, but he doesn't have a clue either. His only fear is that I'll die on the table.....that was literally his only question for the surgeon "how many people have died on your table?". I did so much research, both on the surgery and on the surgeon, and am positive that I'm doing the right WLS with the right surgeon. I told my husband if he loves me then he should want me around for as long as I can be, and that the risks of me not having the surgery far out way the risks of the surgery itself. I'm doing it to majorly reduce my risk of having a stroke or heart attack anytime soon, and of course losing weight is a bonus. All I can say is that after it's done, he'll either hop on board and be supportive, or he'll move on. Either way, you have to do what's right for you and your health and hope it brings y'all closer in the long run. Good luck!

[scorpion509 107]

I think after you start loosing the weight he might change his mind. I wouldn't be surprised that he might follow you on this path. Just don't push him a lot. give him time to realize it himself.

[mdefabio 73]

My husband came to all my doctors appointments and also to the pre-op and post-op meetings. I've printed out a lot of my research for him to read. He was just as prepared as I was when it was time for my surgery. He remembers things said in the surgeons office and meeting that I forget. I am so thankful for him.

[ozeedonkee 145]

I agree with Chicago..... It would be great for him to be learning about the procedure with you, but if he doesn't want to, you have to accept that, move on and make sure you are educated as best YOU can be. After all , you have to do the hard yards after surgery. Hopefully his interest will pick up after surgery.

[steelergirl 135]

Mine acted the same way..just like totally blahhh..whenever I would talk about it..but come surgery day he never left me..he sat up in a chair and slept there all night when everyone else had a hotel around the corner..I think for them it's not real until its happening..he was soooo supportive..more than ibever thought because he didn't even know which surgery I was having or how it worked until 3 weeks before..guys are strange!!