Anyone From Buffalo, Ny Out There?

[Lndrn723 2]

Very excited! Surgery date is October 8th ????

[shellyd88 463]

Hi everyone I need some ideas on how to deal with a sticky situation Any and all ideas are welcome I'm going thru this process with the hope of having surgery however I do not feel the need to tell everyone and anyone about it the issue is my boss she tells everyone my business I don't want her too she does anyway she very mean/ nasty thinks she can discuss everyone's stuff with her staff and friends/ family I have been asked by people in the past about things that have happened medical wise with myself or my husband that I never disclosed to those people so I know they heard it from her of course she feels u should keep quiet about her stuff which I do I don't have the right to tell anyone's medical stuff to anyone that's just common sense and their business to share or keep private however I feel trapped I have to tell her what's going on why I need to come late leave early take time off etc and she demands to know where your going who your seeing etc I hate it so much and while I appreciate people's concern I would not myself have shared my info with people I barely know so I don't wish to discuss these things with them now I don't plan to lie about what I'm doing if someone asks me if I've had the surgery I will say so I just want it to be my decision who and when I decide to tell or share with not hers I've tried asking nicely pls don't discuss my medical issues she does anyway she is an attorney so she knows she isn't supposed to be doing these things I feel like I have no control over my own personal information I know for a fact she knew a dr I saw for a cardiac issue and after the appt she knew things we discussed in the appt that I didn't tell her I can only assume the dr told her or someone on his staff I never went back there it upset me so much Thanks for any ideas

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

you should post this on the general weight loss forum. you will get more answers.

only you can decide to have firm boundaries with this woman. you may want to place a call to the labor board. they can help you with what you are actually required by labor law to tell your boss. i believe the law in NY is that you are only required to say you have a medical appt. i dont believe you are required to provide any details.

only you can find the strength you need to respond to your boss' bullying with simple phrases, gentle smiles and light hearted chuckles.

many women are people pleasers. you may feel compelled to give into her demands by over sharing. but with practice you can choose to not get sucked into her intensity and disengage. just keep repeating that phrase over and over in your head when dealing with her... "disengage disengage disengage." she hounds you because you respond.

[YellowWallpaper 10]

I agree with everything moonlitestarbrite wrote, with one tiny change:

she hounds you because you respond.

She hounds you because she's a bully. The fact that you engage gratifies and encourages what is her already manifest character flaw. I think it's an important distinction, so we don't inadvertently veer into victim-blaming (which CLEARLY moonlitestarbrite didn't intend).

Can you turn it around on her and make it about her every.single.time. she gets pushy about your personal info? It's a trick a like to employ with tactless and pushy people, unsolicited opinion-offerers, etc. Takes some practice to employ it subtly, but it's really fun to watch them not understand how suddenly this conversation became about them.

Edited September 18, 2014 by YellowWallpaper

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

as a mom who had 2 homebirths, nursed my toddlers, co-slept with my kids (we didnt ever use a crib), and now homeschools... i am used to people being intrusive with me.

in the homeschooling community we have what we call the "pass the bean dip" technique.... meaning when someone asks an inappropriate question or makes an out of line comment, you make a non-response... such as "hmmmm" or "interesting" or "thats a lot to think about," and then say, "pass the bean dip please (insert any distracting phrase)," then say nothing else.

i have found that a bored smile, looking past the person's shoulder and then asking them something about themselves is a great technique. people LOVE to talk about themselves, its an awesome distraction!

here's an example:

pushy boss: you need another morning off for a doctor's appt???? what's going on with you?? why do you need to see the doctor again??

you: "the doctor ordered a test. that was when they scheduled it. its pretty standard."

PB: what kind of test? why?

you: the doctor ordered it. thanks for your concern. its pretty standard.

PB: whats wrong with you?

you: its a pretty standard test. *gentle smile* did you see sons of anarchy the other night? it's my favorite show! what's your guilty pleasure? do you want to go get coffee? did you see its going to be 80* this weekend?

PB: uhhhhhh

you have to be firm, non-responsive and patient. but it works wonders. if you are defensive and reactive, she will have the upper hand... which is what this is all about. so be calm, stand your ground and realize that you have the labor laws on your side.

[shellyd88 463]

Hi yes I have tried that with her it doesn't work I have even argued with her stating she has no right to ask me this etc and she just steamrolls ppl not just me she says if u work for her she needs to know what's what and if u refuse then it's well I can't have ppl working for me that won't do what they are told she just nosy she has even tried telling me to reschedule my appts etc to when she is out of town I haven't done that and I won't it's just so tiresome having to deal with this all the time thanks so much for your thoughts and advice I guess some ppl just love butting into others bussiness

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

dont argue. dont respond. stand there smiling vaguely for a few moments then say "oh! i have to go to the bathroom!" or "omg! i forgot i have a very important phone call to make!" then run off. if you dont allow her to hook you, there wont be a charged exchange between the two of you. the more disinterested you appear, the faster she will go away.

you can also call the NYS labor board and get their take on her being intrusive regarding medical treatment. they can guide you.

Edited September 22, 2014 by moonlitestarbrite

[twirlyhead620 20]

I am from buffalo as well! My surgery is scheduled for 10/22!! With dr Pham at sisters

[YellowWallpaper 10]

Good luck twirlyhead! I'm with Dr. Pham as well. Love that guy and trust him completely. May I ask how long it was between your first consultation and your surgery date?

Please come back and update us here in Buffalo after your surgery. You must be so excited!

[nessa259 19]

Buffalo girl here!! I am having a band to sleeve revision on Oct 9th which is less than a week away. ???? Dr Hoffman is performing my surgery. I have to admit that I am nervous. I'm more nervous about the sleeve not helping more so than the surgery itself. I understand that it is a tool and I forgot how much I actually like veggies until I had the Fluid taken out of my band. I realize that the only food that I could eat and keep down was slider food which is not good, I'm just... Scared. I felt like a failure with the band and I don't want to feel that way again. Anyway, id love to keep in touch with local wls successes!! ☺️

[shellyd88 463]

Hi nessa259 I'm in buffalo too don't have a surgery date yet but I'm in the same surgeons group dr posner is doing mine I've never had a band so I don't know what that's like but I hear that a lot odors don't think it's as effective as sleeving or bypass but I'm new to this process still jumping thru hoops and getting tests

[nessa259 19]

Hey shellyd88. Yes there are fewer docs out there that will even perform the band!! The buffalo general surgery group is by far the most professional group to work with. I had my band done by another group in buffalo and I was not impressed. Let me know if you have questions about the process!!

[twirlyhead620 20]

Good luck twirlyhead! I'm with Dr. Pham as well. Love that guy and trust him completely. May I ask how long it was between your first consultation and your surgery date?

Please come back and update us here in Buffalo after your surgery. You must be so excited!

my insurance required supervised monitoring with a weighty loss clinic before approval. All in all about 5 months

[chilihot59 156]

@shellyd88. Although, companies vary in their policies for time off requests, there are some rights that are generally accepted. I'm a supervisor for a NY state agency. You are obliged nor obligated to give the details regarding your request for time off for a medical appointment. Is there a Human Resource department where you work??? If there is, and you need to show proof, you can turn in proof that you were seen written on a script/letterhead from your provider to human resources directly. Also, if someone from your cardiologist office shared your personal information with your supervisor without your permission, that's a violation of HIPPA laws and you need to formally file a complaint!!!

[shellyd88 463]

Hi chilihot59 its a very small office and the person who is the boss is the owner and they HR tell them everything owner often is present or on phone when conversations take place they know its wrong they practice law but it's a control thing feel it's their right to know what why and when and even what dr I have no concrete proof anybody told info however they seemed to know exact conversation that took place and my exact weight number and tests ordered how else could they have known that? I never told them so it's my suspicion that staff there told as this person personally knows a dr in that office it's just humiliating this happened three yrs ago I don't tell much anymore except if I need time off and then I get grilled about it feels like being treated like a child