So I've heard the divorce rate for WLS patients is kinda high and it had me thinking. My weight became an issue in my marriage for a while and I didn't care. After years of soul searching and added co morbidities I get the big picture now......my husband lately, since I am getting closer to getting a surgery date, keeps making these random comments about me changing afterwards. Now, mind you he's been on my butt about changing my lifestyle and getting healthier, he's a health freak. He also says things like "if you'd do what I tell you as it pertains to my workout I could have you 100lbs lighter by Christmas. He is an ex marine and a police officer, so he's been running and working out most of his life, I can't endure his treacherous workout. After saying all that I know he wants me to lose the weight but I am confused by his comments. Not rooting my own horn but when I was smaller 10yrs ago when I met him I had to beat men off with a stick and he saw that, I'm wondering if that's it. Hmmm I don't know but, I gotta do me......

The key difference between the two situations are vast, one can be avoided the other could not. Does my husband love me unconditionally, absolutely, is it right for me to sit around and let life happen to me or get up out of my pity party and do something about it. Now out of my hubbys own mouth he has said if I had a medical condition that prevented me from losing weight it'd be an entirely different story. Don't both parties deserve to be happy in a marriage? Imo extreme weight gain prevents couples from doing a lot, is the other person required to stop living because of the others negligence of their bodies. Negligence and tragedy are two totally different things. This is a reality I had to face myself, if I had taken care of my business as soon as I saw things going on a way I didn't like I would have never ballooned up to this weight. If you have a person who wants to obtain a law degree, but doesn't put nearly the amount of work into their studies to be successful, and they come crying to you about their failure, what will be your response to them. Even after being sleeved one must exercise their will to "not be obese" through their lifestyle point blank or all this will have been for naught.

This is my reality which fuels my change.

Well as said before my husband and I have been together for 20 years, we have a marriage built on our love for God and each other. We have been through "for better or worse" and we still stand. Now don't misunderstand me Stein when I say I'm doing this for him, my children, and me. As much as we've discussed exercise it has always been about wanting to see me healthier. I complain about my back, knees, etc....and for those of us who carry around this excess weight because of what We've done to ourselves, I know you can relate. I have no doubt because he tells me everyday "I love you no matter what", but I'm not loving me. Me feeling sexy, healthy, with more stamina will improve our marriage, quality of time we spend together as a whole family, and our intimate moments. So this benefits my physical, psychological and social health. This makes it about more than just me. This is an all inclusive move! Whether he realizes it or not, this will put as big a smile on his face as mine, lol.

You are so right, we are doing this for ourselves, our families just benefit greatly from it.

BkMama, I have and we a wonderful heart to heart and voiced our concerns and I am happily on my way to a successful sleeve surgery.

And MrzSongBird, I'm right behind you!

It seems like the whole point of "for better our worse" is being completely overlooked here. I'm sorry but I did not marry my husband because of his physical appearance. Is that part of what initially attracted me to him' date=' sure, but definitely not why I married him. Same for him towards me. I mean what if you were in some horrific accident and disfigured? Would that qualify as grounds for divorce? I'm sorry but this whole feed makes me sad for those of you who feel you have to "maintain" your physical appearance for any other reason then your health, that should be everyone's main concern, especially those with children! If your husband can't love you for you no matter what, then you shouldn't be together.[/quote']

Of course it's for health, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't important for my husband to also be attracted to me. Part of a healthy and fulfilling marriage (for me) includes that spark, those butterflies...I want us to be that old couple swatting each other on the ass because that spark is still there. LOL

I just feel like dismissing these concerns under a broad statement like "he should love you no matter what" isn't entirely fair.

Agreed, it all goes hand in hand. For me it was a cop out for me not to do what I needed to do. I want my husband to be running to car outta work to get home to mama! Bwahaha

I understand what you ladies are saying, but for me, I've always been heavy, not necessarily this heavy but definitely well over "normal". Also, I do have health issues that have caused me to not be able to lose weight like I should or wanted. So I think I see it from a little different perspective. I guess I'm lucky because I already have a husband who looks at me, the way I am, and wants to be with me. Where the "spark" has been lost is within myself, which definitely affects our relationship. There are many benefits that will come from having this surgery, but ultimately it's for my health. Wasn't trying to ruffle feathers, just saying if you had a husband who doesn't love you for you, no matter what, thats sad to me.

This is a very interesting topic. I certainly believe that if youre unhappy in your marriage before having a life changing procedure like the sleeve, then I can definitely see it leading to divorce. Conversely, if you become truly happy with yourself it could also aid your marriage. Personally...I think its all about Options. People have more relationship options/choices as they become more physical fit. Its just the reality of the world we live in. The more options you have the less likely you are to put up with less. Now having said all that...marriage is a commitment...and having more options is not a valid reason for the dissolution of that commitment. I do wonder what percent of marriages experiences a divorce after one person receives WLS. Now that would be an interesting survey.

Oh Stein no feathers ruffled here, it has taken a long time for me to see myself. I don't have any health issues that prevented me, just bad choices. I agree with you from your perspective.