Telling Your Child You're Having Wls

[Half~of~Bri 25]

If you have children, how did you explain your weight loss surgery to them? I have a nine year old daughter who's very curious and inquisitive. Any suggestions on how I should explain to her in an age appropriate way that I'm having VSG and why? I want to keep her informed without telling her too much and making her worry. Thanks

[Lissa 2,631]

Someone here explained it to their kids by saying that Mommy was getting "skinny shots" that hurt some so the kids needed to be gentle with mommy for awhile. I don't know if that's too young for your daughter, but I liked that explanation. My kids are grown, so I just told them I was having WLS and that I had taken care of everything possible in case something happened. Nowadays I just send them my weekly update pictures via text message.

[ebonisekim 1,713]

My son is nine and I told him that I was getting a smaller tummy and that the doctor was gone shrink it w doctor tools but it wasn't going to hurt cus I was going to be sleep .... And he didn't ask me any more Qs but you know boys they are not as engaged as little girls are

[mkardh 51]

At first I wasnt going to tell my daughter. She is 13 and as we all know teenage girls struggle with body image. I finally decided to tell her because I know we have a strong relationship and she is a very confident young lady.(Im the mom that when she started her period she got pizza, chocolate, pads, flowers, and a Hallmark card that said "way to go!"). At first she was upset and against it because of the chance something happening during surgery. I told her if I didn't do this that I could die younger because of my weight and there were risk if I did it and risks if I dont. We have discussed everything and I have shown her this forum too. I have also asked her not to tell her friends as I don't want any who are having weight issues to think there is "a quick fix": I know this doent help you much because your daughter is 9 but I think being as honest as you can with her will go along way.

[Pennie 66]

What a great question - I can't wait to see all the responses. My kids are all too young to talk about it right now (under 5) and I'm also in maintenace mode at this point. But, I have often wondered about if and when I'll tell them that I had this surgery. Right now, they know that mommy eats less than most people, and I've even told them a few times that it was because I have a "small stomach" which is the truth!

There is no universal answer to this question. It's really needs to be considered on a child-by-child basis. Some will want to know every single details, others would get overly worried or scared if they knew what you were going to do. I think a lot of 9-year-olds could handle and understand "Mom is having an operation to help her get healthy."

I always try to emphasize "healthy" and not skinny or weight loss. I don't want my kids to equate fat with bad and skinny with good. But, again, mine are all under 5 which is a totally different ballgame than dealing with a 9 or 10 year old. So it's easy for me to say that now!

[carolc 94]

I told my 18 and 16 yo daughters exactly what I was doing. They have seen me struggle with weight issues for so long and they understand why I chose to do this. I told my 12 yo daughter just recently because she was getting nervous about all of my dr appts. She asks a lot of questions and I do try to answer them as honestly as I can without giving her anything to worry about. I am not sure how I would explain to a younger child.

[Merydia710 59]

My daughter is 3.5 and I was pretty honest with her. She had lots of questions and I answered them all. I also have made a point to say mommy is going to be healthy now not just saying skinny. She never had any issues with any of it so far. Right after surgery when I came home I showed her my boo boos and she wanted to touch them and that helped her understand to be careful with me and not to jump or bulldoze me like she usually doze..lol..

I agree with the person who said each child and situation is different. Every parent knows what info your child can or can't process. My daughter is very literal and wanted the straight up facts.. seriously. I tried to give her the easy kid version but she wasn't having it. So I just told her exactly what was gonna happen and why. This is a kid who told me there is no such thing as santa and the easter bunny. No matter how much I tried to help her believe. She would just look at me like are you kidding... So being straight with her was best.

[Leusch 2]

My sons are 9 and 12. I've been very straightforward with them from the start. Since they've been at the surgeon's office each time I've been, it's hard not to be. They've seen the animations of surgery, they've read the information with me and my husband. My older son is so excited for me, or maybe him since he's eager to ride bikes with me along for once. My younger son knows what's going on but lives in his world (Asperger's Syndrome) so if it's not tornado sirens or other weather related stuff, he doesn't care.

[his2my2our4 120]

I have a 3yr old, 10 yr old, and a 13 yr old. I decided to be pretty up front and honest with my 2 older ones because it's not just the surgery...it's the new lifestyle you will be adopting. I didn't want them to think that my lack of food and my hospital stay was a scary, bad thing...rather, a good and positive thing! I told them that I was worried about my health and wanted to be here for a very long time. That, my doctor was going to put me to sleep and do a little work on my stomach so that I wont feel hungry all the time and wont need to eat as much. I also explained how my diet would change afterwards but that it was all with the hopes of getting healthy. They had a few questions but both seemed ok. Day of surgery they were nervous, but my recovery was smooth and they were able to see that all was well. Good luck to you!

P.S. I totally agree with Pennie...focus on healthy, not skinny! :-)

[LadyIvy 159]

I explained to my 7 year old that mommy was going to get surgery. I explained that because I had been sick for the past year it made it hard to exercise and spend time with him outside like I wanted to. He still had questions so I told him that my heart was working a little too hard and had him pick up a 20 lb bag of cat food. I had him walk around the yard with it for 2 minutes and asked him how he felt, he said his heart was racing. I explained to him that was the reason I was having trouble, because I had to carry more than 5 of those bags around everywhere I went. I put emphasis on me wanting to be healthy and play with him without getting tired. That also made it so that now post op, I am much more active. I told him we would play outside more, and that is exactly what we are now doing. I want him to realize it was for health, not vanity and that I was telling him the truth. I also don't mention the amount of weight I am losing around him. I emphasize how I feel, how my clothes fit and that I don't need medications for my heart anymore.

[ShannonK 266]

I have 3 daughters...ages 11,9 and 5. My oldest 2 are against it - they have seen an aunt lose 120 pounds (and is very thin now) from a bypass.....and she looks like a stranger to them. They both wrap their arms around me and say they like me soft and cuddly. I get that. I tell them it's not a "skinny" thing - it's a health thing, and that I want to go horseback riding with them and ride roller coasters...they give in some...but not much.

The heart break for me is my 5 year old. She is overweight. SHe has been picked on. SHe has asked if I would love her more if she was skinny.....sheeesh - shoot me now.

Through this whole thing I am emphasizing health....it's hard with kids - especially daughters I think.

[NJsharon 119]

I have 7 year old twin girls & was pretty honest with them. I told them I was going to go to Mexico to get surgery to help mommy become skinny. I realize now I should have said to lose some weight or to be healthier. Do not say you are going to get skinny. They started crying, both of them, as they thought I was going to come home looking completely different!

Once I reassured them I would look the same when I came home, they felt much better. I told them I would have boo boos on my tummy, that they would have to be gentle with. That mommy would have to eat very tiny bits of food and chew it up a lot.

They are now fine with it.

First thing they wanted to do, when I got off the plane, was to see my incisions! LOL

But I suggest being honest, but say it is a surgery to help you lose some weight slowly. Do not say you are having surgery to get skinny... otherwise you might get the reaction I had with my girls!!!