Hey October Sleevers,

I really need to vent right now. I sense that this might come across sounding like I'm a nut case, mamby-wamby girl baby, or an oh-poor-me-aren't-you-just-a tragic-little-flower type. But the truth is that I am feeling absolutely frozen. Maybe this where the term "frozen in fear" comes from?!

I am basically living my life on hold. I am due to be sleeved Oct 17 - next Monday. I am soooo tired of waiting! I find myself not able to concentrate or live my life in a meaningful way right now. I am ordinarily a pretty energetic person who goes out a lot and participates in the world. I am not a cliff diver or mountain climbing marathon runner by any means, but I have always been known as someone who is not afraid of much. I am not usually one who hides away from life or cowers away from the tough things in it. I have been through some rough spots in life, pulled up by big girl panties, tugged up on those boot straps and got busy, forging ahead thru whatever storm cometh. But not this time.

All I can seem to think about right now is the surgery and the early post-op time period. My loving hubby is currently preparing his and our son's meals b/c I am on a restrictive diet and he wants to make things easier on me (he is very supportive).

I don't feel like working, cleaning, going out, teaching our son (homeschool) or even chatting with friends or family. All I can focus on seems to be reading a book or watching TV. I spent the majority of the weekend making my first junque journal. I got so into it that I literally did nothing from the time I got home from church Sunday til 2 am that night working on it. It's like I have no room in my mind for anything but the waiting. I have never been like this before! I just feel frozen! I plan on doing a really thorough housecleaning this weekend in preparation for being out of it for a bit post-op, but I have a few more days til then to wait, wait, wait. Our weather is so much nicer here now so you'd think I'd go out and walk or something, but I am just NOT motivated.

I am prepared for the surgery in that I have all the stuff I'll need at the hospital gathered up, have purchased the Protein drinks, Soups, juices, SF popsicles, and Vitamins I'll need, but now the days are dragging and the pre-op diet is getting tiring and the waiting goes on forever.

What is up with this? It is ridiculous! Anyone else feel this way?

Thanks for letting me go on, and on, and on......

If ANYONE will be able to understand, I hope it is my fellow Octoberfest, Flab to Fab, Autumn Sleavers / Sleevers friends.

Thanks,

Leah (aka Mamasez)

While it may feel like a lifetime, the 17th really isn't that far away!! But yes, I was like this too, it does seem like time really drags by when you want to be Sleeved yesterday!! Just keep preparing and planning for your new life, spend time on here with us for support and it will be here before you know it!! Congrats on your new journey to a healthier you!!

This reads like I typed it myself (except for the husband and son part). I have completely felt the same way over the last two weeks and I did the house cleaning last weekend and compared it to "nesting" when you're pregnant.

I am scheduled to leave tomorrow morning and feel like I have been neglecting every part of my life until I leave. I can't even get into tv! I have made lists and now packed as much from those lists as possible. I wake up in the middle of the night and although I'm exhausted, I log into the computer & check VST.

I am a strong independent woman who has raised my daughter (now almost 10) completely by myself from the day I found out I was pregnant, yet I have felt weaker in the last few weeks than ever. Take out food and the craziness begins. I am starving for something to CRUNCH on (and I don't mean ice chips).

You've done the right thing, reaching out. I've been reaching out to my girl Kelly L (no shocker there, she beat me to the post) she's been very uplifting to me just by knowing what I'm going through and popping in at the moment I seem to need a boost the most.

You're almost there! Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize!

Oh my gosh, Leah....again, you have described me to a T! I also have a wonderful hubby and a little boy. I have been where you are at for months. Everything I say or do is "I can't wait until_____", or "I'll do that after the surgery". It's horrible! There is this HUGE line in the sand of my life, BEFORE and AFTER and I am not living until the after arrives. I am not like this, either....it's so odd, this paralysis.

I just can't wait to be on the other side, either. I'm three days after you....can't wait to start LIVING again!

Me too!!! I feel like I go to bed thinking about the surgery, dream about it, wake up thinking about it...and then all throughout the day I think about it! I need to have this done just so I can stop driving myself nuts!

I've also noticed the nesting phase too. I've made freezer meals for afterwards and I've been deep cleaning like crazy. So glad to hear I'm not the only one! :-) Hang in there...we're SO close!

Thanks for the confirmations and support, yall! WE WILL MAKE IT!!!! Leah