I haven't posted in a while. My weight is staying the same and I need a fill but I am not going to get one until after I get back from Barbados. I've been so stressed and having major panic attacks. I cry all the time. I can't cope and can't function. I scheduled 2 weeks off of work to stay home because i need to get away so bad. I have been faking it through my life for a while now. I had a panic attack so bad today that I got up and walked away from my lunch in the cafeteria even though I was hungry and went outside and cried. It is boiling hot here and I just sat there and sweated. I called my husband for a few minutes. I am a basket case. I just can't take all the demands on me. My job is unmanageable and no one cares. It's not like I can just go get another one since it is pretty specialized and I live in a small town. I need ALL my income. My dh is in grad school and is apply for positions that will help him get licensure as a counselor, but since he isn't licensed to jobs are at a MUCH lower wage than the low wage he is already making so I am stuck where I am. I have have 4 year old twins who have a lot of needs and a special needs 9 year old. And mother in law who depends on me for everything. And a really messy house. And no money. I really think I am close to a nervous breakdown. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist but I can't get in for a while. My dh loves me but he is almost no help. He takes on few responsibilities himself and is like a kind of child rather than a partner. You have to guide him through every step of his responsibilities and he susally does things half ass or wrong. This isn't what my life was supposed to be like.:cry :think :pout:

((Hug)) Wow, you have so much going on, there is little wonder you are so stressed.

I have no advice, or insight, I just wanted to let you know, I am thinking of you.

Yikes fiveholts, you sure have more than your share of stuff going on in your life. Do you have any good girlfriends in town that you can get to help you?

Five,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad and out of control. Do you take meds to manage your anxiety? I take some just when I need them and when I get in that panicky mode, it REALLY helps. Maybe you could schedule a dr's appt?

Also, get the fill. Maybe if your weight loss picked up again you'd feel like at least THAT was in control and that would give you a feeling of stability.

Lastly, do anything you have to to take 2 hours to yourself twice a week. Your husband can watch the kids for that long. Go to a park and go for a walk, or a drive, or whatever is relaxing to you. It doesn't have to cost anything but might give you that little piece of alone time that lets you enjoy the rest of your life instead of feeling overwhelmed.

Good luck and we're thinking about you.

I am sorry to hear about your challenges right now. One thing I have learned is that you have to take care of yourself first. Try and be really good to yourself. If that includes chatting with us, exercise, journalling, getting time away by yourself, seeing a friend, asking a friend or relative to take the kids one night...do it. You must come first in this world. Often times the bombardment is because of the lack of time we actually give ourselves. Be your own best friend. I understand about your husband. Sometimes they mean well but they don't get it. Just try and cope the best that you can. I go to a Physiciatrist as well and it helps to be on medication. That has really pulled me through the rough times. Good luck. Be good to yourself.

Hey, hang in there. Life seems to throw curve balls at us all the time. If I can do anything to help, please pm me. Take care.

WOw! I think it is great that you have an appt to talk to someone. If that person (after a few sessions) doesn't seem to help, try another. Talk to girlfriends, journal about your feelings.

Is your mother in law disabled? If not, let her know that you are just not available right now. She can ask her son (your hubby) for favors. He is in grad school which I know is demanding but your job and your kids are like having two jobs. I am a special ed teacher so I know what parents have on their plate as far as caring for their kids. Until you can make other employment arrangements, take time for you. Even if it is a 20 minute soak in the tub. Buy a daily meditation book (Women who do too much is a good one) and read it each morning.

I have sooo been where you are and I know it is painful. It won't always be like this. It will pass and things will get better. While you are in it, however, you must have some coping strategies. Medication works for some, counseling, and the other things listed on t his thread. Please let us know how you are doing and hang in there, ok?

I really feel for what you are going through. Your weight loss is awesome!! But what is more moving is how you care for so many people around you...twins AND a special needs child AND a mother-in-law AND an absent husband in grad school AND a difficult job!!!

You need help!!

Is there anyone at your church or in your community that can help you?

Are there services available to help you with the special needs child?

You must be the type that is extremely responsible and perfectionistic, because everyone trusts you to DO IT ALL!

Sometimes you just have to say, "ENOUGH! I CAN"T DO THIS ALL BY MYSELF!" Your voice needs to be heard.

Personally, I think you should start with your husband, then get some meds for anxiety, then look for another job..IF you can find a minute of time in your life.

Prayers and hugs!

Boo

I don't know when you posted but I just came across your post and can totally relate to your overwhelming life. Like you, I suffered with disabaling panic attacks. Like you, in a round about way, I have a husband who is disabled and retired on disability. He has many medical and depression issues. Additionally a Mother who is in end stage COPD and thinks she ready to start taking the morphine, a father who is having a total hip replacement next week, 22 year old son who just moved back home after being away at college for 4 years, and, he is quite addicted to alcohol (actually lost his license for 18 months for driving under the influence. Additionally, I work, but the husband, mother and father are all retired.

Suffice it to say, not only do I understand, I can totally relate. It has taken me a long time but I am in the beginning stages of trying to unscramble some of this mess. Learning to say no, while not feeling guilty about it, is a big one. First thing, you need to get treatment for the panic attacks. There is medication out there to block the attacks and help you feel more in control. Anyone who is capable of caring for themselves, need to. If life is that stressful, maybe your husband might need to put his graduate studies on hold. He's going to be in a bigger pile of shit if you do have a nervous breakdown. You might suggest to him that he be a little more "proactive" in helping to unscramble the mess.

You should check in your community to see if there is any assistance you can get. Maybe you would qualify for fuel, child care, Medicare/Medicaid (depending on your children's "needs").

Figure out what you do have control over; what can you take off your plate, what can you give to someone else; what other resources are out there for you.

And, did I mention I too am in the first several months of preparing for a lapband, which is going by the wayside with all these other things going on.

Remember, if you don't take care of yourself, you will be of NO help to anyone else.

Take care and keep talking with everybody.

Marcia

I too can relate! Please, please talk to your primary dr asap! you need to get on some meds to help w/ this. I know I've been there & I still struggle w/ depression & anxirty. I have a similiar situation as you. My shoulders are carrying the weight of the world, but you MUST take care of yourself or how will you be there for your family? I work ft, have two kids (three if I include my husband) my mother in law lives with us, and so on. I have been on medication for several years and sometimes still have to adjust the dosage but I cant imagine how I would be w/o it. I use my lunch break to do things for me and it helps. PLEASE take care of yourself. I know it may seem like you'll never get through this - but you will!

I completely agree with Boo....Boo has said everything that I was going to say.

There are resources out there that you can tap into. No one can handle all of this on their own. You need to seek them out....start with a local minister or the Salvation Army.....if they can't help they will be able to put you in the right direction and will have resource information for you.....and they are usually ready and prepared to speak with you now...and they won't charge you an arm and a leg for it either.

There is NOTHING wrong with asking for help and accepting it....if you don't you and your family will suffer....so find the help and welcome it.

I think you said in your message that you have a needy m-i-l.....why do you have to succumb to her needs....why can't she look after herself...and if she can't, why is her needs your responsiblility? You need to take care of your needs first...to heck with hers.

Keep us posted....believe me, I've been where you are at....it does get better. But first.....FIND HELP....and get some of those monkeys off your back!

Carol

Awwww Biggggg hug from your LBT family. I am sorry you are going through so much and you can't see a way out right now.

Do you belong to a church? The extended family of a church is wonderful to have someone to talke to and to help you with the smallest things.

I tell everyone about TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) there is one in your neighborhood. Google TOPS and click on meeting, put in your zip code and check out a meeting. The ladies in my group are awesome from day one. They are there for me.

You are not alone, so many people are going through the same things you are.

Have you looked on line for a support group for you kids special needs. If they are Downs syndrom, google it and I'm sure there is a group out there.

Keep on faking it put that smile on your face, put your head up, trust that God is walking with you. You have made it this far and you are doing it the best way you know how. When you are feeling bad, cry then count your blessings.....walk, talk, got a band, married, home, job, food, LBT family, lost how many pounds......:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

You have to let people know what type of help you need in order for them to help you.

I'm praying for you. If you don't have the strength to make the phone calls, post your hometown or pm me and I'll get on the phone and try to find some agency help (free).

Fiveholts, I hear your frustrations. All of the posts so far have been excellent. I have been close to where you are. Panic attacks and many demands. All is can say is simply this, There are many people out there who do care about you. Be good to yourself.

God does care. Reach out to HIM and also to those close to you.

You do have to say what you need before others can help you.

I was just banded on June 8th 2006. I am excited about losing this wt and I envy you gong to Barbados. I so want to go on a cruise.

But right now that is not possible/ SO , I will just be very happy for you that you can go and I hope you can enjoy.

When I finally realized what was happening with my panic attacks, I was able to self talk and overcome then to a great degree.

Let me hear from you if you need to talk, vent or whatever.

Remember, there are many people out there who really do care.

TinaH

Everyone has given good advice. There's not much I can add except you need to stop and ask for help to get help. Start with your DH. He won't stand up and take responsibility until you tell him he has to. Make your needs known to him. Tell him your not being a drama queen. Go to MIL and tell her you need her help. Tell her its your turn to lean on her. Make them listen to you.

Good luck to you. My prayers are with you.

There is a prayer "sticky" note thread that I encourage you to post on. You will have lots of people praying for you and your family in no time!

If you haven't sought spiritual solutions, please try. There's a church nearby with friendly people who have children and needs like yours, and we're always stronger with faith and friends by our side. No one needs to be alone.

God loves you, and you need to love you, too.

We're here to help.

Cindy