How did your kids handle the change(s) in you?

[treequeen 13]

My son is 11. He is a very sensitve boy...he doesn't want me to lose weight cause I won't be as comfortable to lay on. There have been times when it has upset him to see me happy and having fun... (I have always said that my misery is my scarlet letter...) I am hoping he will be able to adapt without me sending him to therapy. As much as I figure I will struggle recognizing myself, I wonder if it will happen to him too.

How did your kids react thru the whole process?

[Becca 108]

My kids have been just fine. I have a 14 year old son and my daugthers are 8 and 6. My son hasn't had any negative reactions at all. My youngest was confussed at first because she really thought I would come home from the hospital thin. She didn't understand it would take time! LOL The weight loss does happen at a gradual pace, so they will adjust. They will be happy to have a more involved you. I am a teacher and so I have off with my kids for the summer. We have done something active everyday. They love it! I think if you have a positive attitute, they will too.

[ybnormal 21]

My kids are all older; 18, 21 and 23 so I didn't have those issues. They've watched me struggle over the years with weight but nothing like my most recent 287 (the morning of surgery). They want me to be around for a long long time, so they were all supportive of me going under the knife. My youngest sons only concern was my going to Mexico with a friend (both of us female) and so he came along to be the body guard chaperone LOL He wasn't needed for that, but I was really glad he was there!

Can you explain to him the being heavy will dramatically decrease your lifespan? It makes it so that all the fun things you'd love to do, you aren't able to and *LE GASP!* you'll have a nice big lap for him to sit on! Tell him in a few more years he won't want to "lay on" mom anymore to get comfy anyway and you'd like to be around for a long while and not die a young death.

Having more energy is one of the perks of having the surgery done and even now, my boys love it when I have enough energy to go outside and pass the football with them. So will he!

Renee`

[coops 1,790]

I have two young children; my daughter is 13 and my son is 11 now - I was sleeved nearly a year ago - and they don't know I have WLS. They were told that I had to have a tummy op and that is all...

Since I have lost weight they have been amazing and very supportive! My son is a sensitive soul too... the other day, he told me that he was proud of me and that I looked more toned! My daughter looked at pictures of me pre sleeve and said that she didn't realise how big I was! I think kids see the world from a different perspective to us adults!

I think that once your recovery is over and he sees that Mam is ok, getting healthy and fit, he will be fine! And I agree with ybnormal, tell him your lap will be bigger, so when you have cuddles they will be better! More room for him as he grows too...

[myrori 55]

Hmmm, upset to see Mom happy? Not a good sign, is he getting signals from someone else? Or perhaps he is insecure about himself? Tough age, most important piece of advice I can offer from the police side of things, DONT let him control you! I see this all the time kids that manipulate and control parents in trouble. You must take control status in parental relationship( i know it is hard and society sends some message that we must be friends with our kids first, BS kids need control, they actually crave it and act in the form of controlling you!)

Now for my kids reactions:

Daughter number 1 (23),(she had bypass) she is proud and happy of my changes and fitness accomplishments but at the same time threatened by the fact I have passed her weightloss.

Daughter number 2 (22) , she is so focused on self she hardly comments

Son (18) again, at a stage, or age, it is about him,, has not said a word unless I ask him directly. We have found a new connection in fitness though that I plan on working to max!

[apple-saucy 17]

My First thought is...Does he have an anxiety disorder or Aspergers? His reaction doesn't seem normal. (I ask because 2 out of 4 of my kids are on the Spectrum my oldest has Aspergers and ADHD w/ severe anxiety issues, and my 2nd has Autism and is basically Mr. Oblivious but big changes freak him out)

My Second thought is in a couple of years he may not even remember that you were once heavy.

It really sounds like he's having trouble with the changes taking place...He may need someone to talk to about his feelings as his world is changing a lot in a relatively short amount of time.

[Tiffykins 672]

My son was 10 with my band surgery, and turned 11 just a few days after my revision.

My son was my biggest cheerleader. Also, with all my complications after the revision, he was my little helper, and was a total trooper through everything. He almost cried the first time he realized he could wrap his arms all the way around me and his fingers could touch. He does miss his squishy mommy, but you know, he loves that I'm not taking breaks at the mall when we go shopping, or when he's playing sports, I can get out on the field with him and run around.

We have a very special bond because I was single for 9 years of his life, and I'm all he had, and he's my world. It was very difficult through my complications, but we managed, we leaned on each other, he would help make sure I was eating/drinking on time. It seemed like a lot for a kid to take on, but we are stronger because of what we endured. He was my little food and drink policeman. He would walk with me, and even though I was filled with guilt because of what he had to endure at such a young age with my complications, he was not traumatized nor was his mental health compromised over the situation. He's always been a bit "older" than his age in regards to our relationship, and I know that he'd cheer me on again through any medical situation.

He jokingly tells me his misses my "softness", but he really loves that we can both fit on one couch cushion ! ! !

[treequeen 13]

Apple-saucy... yes he has Aspergers and ADHD inattentive type (and I am on the spectrum too). I am always worried about how things will affect him. I'm probably too over-protective... He already has issues of worrying that I will die... out of nowhere he starts crying. I have him seeing a therapist a couple times a month to help him work on talking about his feelings and dealing with social situations and his dad's lack of interest (been divorced since he was 1).

The only things that have changed so far are the way I eat and that I am talking about the pending surgery (so we both get used to the idea) and my hopes for when I get thin.

[Wheetsin 714]

My DD is not quite 3 so no real reactions to my weightloss (AGB). She doesn't really get "fat" yet, she just knows the can't see mommy's belly button, and that mommy's tummy sits on her "pooter" (what she calls private part areas)... she'll be in the shower with me and I will lift my (horribly saggy after losing about 175 lbs) pannus and she'll point at me and go, "Oh there it is! I see your pooter mommy! Your tummy not sitting on it anymore!" (Oh boy...)

With my AGB, and the sleeve I'm considering, I do worry about her seeing my small portions and selective food choices and taking them too much to heart. It has crossed my mind that seeing mommy not eating, or eating less food then she does, might be the seeds for a future eating disorder so I'm trying hard to talk to her about how "mommy's not always hungry" or "sometimes mommy's tummy doesn't like food much" and hopefully do everything I can to help her be well-rounded with a strong sense of self and good coping mechanisms. Obesity is a hard life and it will kill me to watch her go through it. But the same is true for any extreme end of the spectrum.

[KristeyK 3]

My DD is not quite 3 so no real reactions to my weightloss (AGB). She doesn't really get "fat" yet, she just knows the can't see mommy's belly button, and that mommy's tummy sits on her "pooter" (what she calls private part areas)... she'll be in the shower with me and I will lift my (horribly saggy after losing about 175 lbs) pannus and she'll point at me and go, "Oh there it is! I see your pooter mommy! Your tummy not sitting on it anymore!" (Oh boy...)

With my AGB, and the sleeve I'm considering, I do worry about her seeing my small portions and selective food choices and taking them too much to heart. It has crossed my mind that seeing mommy not eating, or eating less food then she does, might be the seeds for a future eating disorder so I'm trying hard to talk to her about how "mommy's not always hungry" or "sometimes mommy's tummy doesn't like food much" and hopefully do everything I can to help her be well-rounded with a strong sense of self and good coping mechanisms. Obesity is a hard life and it will kill me to watch her go through it. But the same is true for any extreme end of the spectrum.

I hear you on your concern. However, don't be too worried. Just make sure she grows up seeing you make healthy choices and she eventually will too! (I say eventually, because if she's like most kids, she'll be a picky eater for a while yet...) For instance, growing up, I LOVED eating spinach, green Beans, brussells sprouts...all sorts of weird stuff. I found out when I was 29 and had my parents over for dinner that they HATED broccoli and spinach. They ate it because they had to set the example. (Wish I had known that before I made a strawberry and spinach salad for them! lol) We also ate a LOT of vanilla ice cream covered in Nestle Quick. Luckily, I grew out of that, but not out of other REALLY BAD choices that I was "taught" while growing up. Kids do what they see for the most part. (Can't use that blanket statement, but they do mirror their examples...there's a reason morbid obesity runs rampant in my family...it ends with ME!)

Good luck to you all!

[ybnormal 21]

My DD is not quite 3 so no real reactions to my weightloss (AGB). She doesn't really get "fat" yet, she just knows the can't see mommy's belly button, and that mommy's tummy sits on her "pooter" (what she calls private part areas)... she'll be in the shower with me and I will lift my (horribly saggy after losing about 175 lbs) pannus and she'll point at me and go, "Oh there it is! I see your pooter mommy! Your tummy not sitting on it anymore!" (Oh boy...)

With my AGB, and the sleeve I'm considering, I do worry about her seeing my small portions and selective food choices and taking them too much to heart. It has crossed my mind that seeing mommy not eating, or eating less food then she does, might be the seeds for a future eating disorder so I'm trying hard to talk to her about how "mommy's not always hungry" or "sometimes mommy's tummy doesn't like food much" and hopefully do everything I can to help her be well-rounded with a strong sense of self and good coping mechanisms. Obesity is a hard life and it will kill me to watch her go through it. But the same is true for any extreme end of the spectrum.

Mkay, I just busted out laughing and sprayed my monitor with Gatorade. gah...kids say the damnedest things LOL dang, who knew laughing could be a workout? My tummy muscles are killing me lol

Renee`

[Mrsrusso 1]

My kida have enjoyed the overwhelming sense of energey that I have. My kids are naturally skinny and eat a lot lol. My oldest says now whe she gets older she can wear my clothes. lol. My son is happy that he can actually hug my and have both his hands reach each other. lol

Hopefully your son will see your happiness as part of his on day.

Congrats and Take Care

[Day Dreamer 23]

Apple-saucy... yes he has Aspergers and ADHD inattentive type (and I am on the spectrum too). I am always worried about how things will affect him. I'm probably too over-protective... He already has issues of worrying that I will die... out of nowhere he starts crying. I have him seeing a therapist a couple times a month to help him work on talking about his feelings and dealing with social situations and his dad's lack of interest (been divorced since he was 1).

The only things that have changed so far are the way I eat and that I am talking about the pending surgery (so we both get used to the idea) and my hopes for when I get thin.

Hi there!

My eldest daughert (14) has Aspergers and ADHD as well. She did really well with my surgery although she was crazy nervous. She bit her nails down till they bled. She wanted to stay by my side, even when my hubby and other daughter went to the hotel to swim and relax. I took some extra time to explain to her what was happening. I wanted her to feel OK about what was happening. I knew I had to break it down in a way she could understand.

My youngest daughter (4) thought this was a vacation! LOL She got to stay in a hotel and swim everyday. I was held for 5 days in the hospital and that was heaven for her. LOL I tried to explain surgery to her but she didn't get it. And I didn't want to push it anymore. I let her enjoy her little vacation. One thing, I had to constantly (and still do) remind her not to come lay on mommy. She loves to cuddle. So I lay on the bed, put a pillow on my tummy and let her cuddle to the side of me. I try to give some room so she can hurt me. She gets her cuddle time and my tummy stays safe.

Now on the flip side... I had a co worker call me yesterday. I am 2 weeks post op and this (@&$ asked if I lost 100 lbs yet... insert his laughter here. But really? That kind of hurt. Esepecially since I did NOT tell my co workers what kind of surgery I was having. He assumed. Which leads me to believe that they all assumed that. So yeah jerk, I lost 100 lbs in 2 weeks... did you? LOL Ugh. Ok moving on!

I will be honest, 2 weeks out and not losing is making me wonder if this surgery will work for me. I was losing great on my pre op diet and right after surgery and now nothing. I hope that it is just a stall due to moving into full liquids. We shall see. No fear hun. Things will be ok. Just take some extra time explaining the situation. And dont forget to stock up on hugs!!!

Good luck!

[Raine 170]

I will be honest, 2 weeks out and not losing is making me wonder if this surgery will work for me. I was losing great on my pre op diet and right after surgery and now nothing. I hope that it is just a stall due to moving into full liquids. We shall see.

It is a stall. I was on a stall from 2 weeks to 6 weeks, don't let it discourage you. I was cleared for more strenuous exercise and my stall has broken. You will be fine and it will work for you too.

My son is 13 and although he does not have any issues he was extremely concerned about me having surgery and losing me. I told him about all the other surgeries I've had in the past and how I came out just fine with them and also explained that I am doing this to get healthy so I can live a long life with him etc. I guess he understood or atleast he said he did. He sees the weight loss and has mentioned it a few times when he hasn't been consumed with his life as a teen lol.

[Texasmom65 23]

This is a great thread, I was wondering the same thing. I have 3 kids, ages 27, 25 and 7 . I've told my daughter who is 25, but haven't told my oldest son yet. My youngest overheard me talking about the surgery on the phone and asked me about it. I just told him Mommy was going to have surgery on her tummy to help her lose weight. I wasn't really prepared at the moment to answer him. I wish I had said so much to him. He will be gone the month of July to his Dad's so I will only see him on every other weekend. I know it will be a change for him. I was wondering what questions he may ask.

I don't want to keep it from him or lie, but not sure how much to really tell him.