Hi my sleevers friends

All of us know what it feels like to be picked on, teased or simply people making comments about our weight (some more than others). I have like this attitude toward the people especially family who made me feel like being fat was the end to SHEENA WHITE as a person. One person told me that she knew i was there somewhere. I see people after years and they either 1 turn their head and act as i don't exist or 2 say ' dang you got big". So although i did this surgery for me to be healthy and confident, I gotta ask myself, how am i going to act when i lose the weight. I don't wanna be as mean to them as some have been to me but i bet it would feel nice. So your honest opinion, have you felt this way about a person in your life and you know your tool is going to give you the opportunity to be smaller than them? Have you attitude and self image changed for the better or too much for others to handle? Im not a nasty person but i think because im fat, people expect me to be extra nice and let them run all over me. Anyone in the same boat?

The best revenge is looking good. The only reason people picked on you when you were bigger was to make themselves feel better. You taking care of yourself demonstrates clearly the value you place on yourself. Nothing more need be said.

@ southern lmbo!!!!

Well I was always outspoken but now I guess I don't put up with shit I don't have to especially from guys. I would eat up any attention I got before and now I'm more picky and call things like I see them. People weren't really mean to me when I was fat, at least not to their face, they knew better.

@ coops

LOL. One of my most embarrassing moments was when a lady look at me and said " awww, when you due?" OMG, im not pregnant. LOL i was so shocked cos she didn't say i was pregnant but that i looked due!!!! LOL

Interesting post... I've had a few weight related comments over the years, the one that springs to mind the most is an old 'friend' who I hadn't seen for a while walked passed me... I stopped him and he said 'God, I didn't realise that short fat person waddling towards me was you!' NICE!! I remember feeling really embarrassed and just made my excuses and left, waddling off!

I've always been the bubbly fat one, the one who made everyone laugh or blended into the background, depending on my mood.

Now, 60lb lighter, I seem a little more reserved. I think it because I haven't reached a comfortable weight and I still feel self conscious.

I don't plan any real 'revenge' for any nasty comments ... it will just take the form of feeling and looking good! =]

@ twostepsback

I feel the same way when i see ppl from my past. I tend to try and avoid them or not speak to them just to avoid the comments " hi....u gained weight". But i could imagine that when i lose weight i wouldn't want ppl to say you look so good because it's like an insult. I think im beautiful big or small.

A lot of things have changed in my attitude since surgery actually. I hadn't really thought about it, but reading your post has brought them to light.

Before my op I used to see people I hadn't seen in years and feel like I wanted to run and hide before they spotted me. I also felt angry and bitter towards my friends who didn't have weight problems. Although they were never mean in any way, and understood how hard it was for me, a little part of me HATED them. I remember a friend of mine talking about some modelling work she was doing and I just told her to "shut the **** up cos I don't want to hear about it!!"

Now I don't feel angry. I still feel a twinge of jealousy if I see a particularly pretty girl on the tv or whatever, but now it is to be more about her hair, face or clothes than her weight.

One bad thing though... I sometimes now find myself seeing people who are a bit bigger than I am now, (but definitely slimmer than I used to be!) and thinking "God, she shouldn't be wearing that at her size!" .... Or seeing a celebrity and thinking "Gosh, she's put on some weight!". In the past I would have done anything to look like those people, even at their heaviest!

I don't think I could ever turn into one of those "mean skinny" people, but my attitude is different for sure.

Interesting question . . . I always tried to project an aura of confidence. I think that the professions I was in demanded them (lawyer, lobbyist, then teacher) -- but I *KNEW* that people thought less of me -- no one ever said anything to my face -- but they always commented on others' weight. So I knew they commented on mine. So, knowing that, I think I always felt a little bit less of myself. I also never let people take photos or if the situation demanded it, I was behind everyone else. I wore clothes to conceal rather than to illuminate myself. In other words, the real me was partially hidden.

I'm almost to goal now -- the only thing that I can say that has changed is the positivity that I feel -- there is little to no self-criticism about the way I look (well, other than all the loose skin and that can't be helped right now). I think I was bad talking myself all the time -- and I didn't realize how that self-talk was really injurious.

So my outlook has completely changed. I know that has made me a happier, less angry, less bitter person. My husband completely agrees with me -- and my kids have made note of the fact that I'm happier and want to do more.

I think for the longest time, I used my fat as a shell to hide, never realizing that it was not a really good way to hide -- it actually put a bullseye on me -- now being almost normal, I don't feel threatened anymore, so there's no need to protect myself -- no need to criticize others, no need to be in self-protect mode. It's actually amazing what it does for you psychologically.

Thanks for the really good question --

Julia,

bloody hell... this has struck a real chord with me...it is almost like you were in my head... this is defo something I need to work on!

Julia,

bloody hell... this has struck a real chord with me...it is almost like you were in my head... this is defo something I need to work on!

Well, you know what I caught myself saying to myself JUST YESTERDAY?? "Well, if you weren't so fat . . . " And then I stopped and said, wait a minute, I'm not fat anymore, and it's not my fault, and . . . . it was really eye-opening. When I get stressed, I tend to turn on myself and then because I turn on myself, I usually ate. Now that I can't eat, that awful voice is louder and I have to slap it down Maybe one day it will go away completely . . . .

Well, you know what I caught myself saying to myself JUST YESTERDAY?? "Well, if you weren't so fat . . . " And then I stopped and said, wait a minute, I'm not fat anymore, and it's not my fault, and . . . . it was really eye-opening. When I get stressed, I tend to turn on myself and then because I turn on myself, I usually ate. Now that I can't eat, that awful voice is louder and I have to slap it down Maybe one day it will go away completely . . . .

Once again, you got me!!

I, too, constantly blame myself... use(d) - ongoing - my weight as the root cause of the problem... if I spoke to someone else the way I speak to myself, I would either have been beaten up or lost many a good friendship.

Since my scales have slowed I have noticed that this train of thought has come back again; like I am in failure mode and it take a lot of effort to remind myself that losing 60lb is NOT failing! More recently I have become a little kinder but I can feel it there... in the background, waiting for an opportunity to come out and bite me on the ass!!

I am hoping that when (notice the positive tone here 'when') the scale moves again, this horrible train fo thought will decrease. That being said, I have carried it for such a long time...

At least I know, that I am not the only one who feels this way.. and that makes me feel better... x

newmenewday, ever heard the phrase "We teach people how to treat us"? It's so true. I got picked on when I was a little bit chubby as a kid, then I dropped 20lbs and realized that the other kids still treated me exactly the same. Even tried to pull fat jokes on me! But I was THIN. So I realized that it had absolutely nothing to do with the fat on my body, but them... and how I invited that treatment. I looked and walked and talked like a downtrodden person who expected to be stepped on and people can SNIFF THAT OUT. Like sharks sniff blood!

I corrected my attitude, my posture, my facial expressions, and the way I approached and talked to people... and you know what? Nobody ever made fun of me again. (Even after I gained >100lbs from a horrible drug side effect. Yes, really!)

So my advice to you is the following...

1. Being mean to them won't really satisfy you. Lots of research shows that venting anger and picking fights actually increases bad feelings and stress in the person doing it. It's not REALLY a release.

2. You need to stand up and care for yourself, like Tiffykins wrote. And face the truth: Whatever in your life is wrong or bad... it has little or nothing to do with the fact that you're overweight. (Except health problems caused by it, of course.) That bad stuff won't go away when you get thin, either. If you read the forums, you'll see that this is a lesson people learn over and over again. You can get a head start by working on it now. (I cannot recommend more highly the audiobook version of "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. It's buddhist, but in case you're religious, know that it is totally secular buddhism without any religious parts at all. Her words, her message, and her voice are the most soothing and loving thing on the planet. This book totally saved my life.)

3. Those people are either well-meaning and misguided ... or they are simply MEAN PEOPLE. If they are well-meaning but misguided, fixing your attitude and talking to them will work. But otherwise... chances are, if you were thin, they'd pick on you for something else... probably because they can smell your fear and self-dislike. Either you shape them up with YOUR attitude, or you have to drop them. Yes, drop them. Life is too short to spend even a minute of it wondering how to "manage" with people who ADD NOTHING POSITIVE to your life and only TAKE. You have more important, meaningful, valuable, and enjoyable things to do!

Hope this helps, and best wishes!

Yes this is a good topic!! It's funny because I have lost almost 40lbs and some of my close friends have not made no comment about but when I'm at work everyone is like wow u look great. So 2 me they r haters!!! But of I gained 1 pound they the first 2 notice it and comment on it !!