Hi my sleevers friends

All of us know what it feels like to be picked on, teased or simply people making comments about our weight (some more than others). I have like this attitude toward the people especially family who made me feel like being fat was the end to SHEENA WHITE as a person. One person told me that she knew i was there somewhere. I see people after years and they either 1 turn their head and act as i don't exist or 2 say ' dang you got big". So although i did this surgery for me to be healthy and confident, I gotta ask myself, how am i going to act when i lose the weight. I don't wanna be as mean to them as some have been to me but i bet it would feel nice. So your honest opinion, have you felt this way about a person in your life and you know your tool is going to give you the opportunity to be smaller than them? Have you attitude and self image changed for the better or too much for others to handle? Im not a nasty person but i think because im fat, people expect me to be extra nice and let them run all over me. Anyone in the same boat?

I was never that person when I was fat. I didn't allow people define my character or my "person" by my pant size. I have not changed one single bit personality wise since losing weight. I'm still the outspoken, opinionated, brutally honest, loving and caring person I was when I was fat. I didn't tolerate bad behavior from anyone, and I still don't tolerate any b.s.

I think a lot of it has to do with how my mother raised me. She taught me from an early age that no one would love me if I didn't love and accept myself. I never got bullied because I was fat. I had a successful career, active social and dating life before I married my husband. I was respected as a person regardless of my pant size and it's because I demanded that from people. Being skinny hasn't changed that part of me.

I actually had very few people ever comment about my weight and I don't remember any comments ever being inappropriate. I am tall and supposedly "carried it well" whatever the hell that means. But, a little like Tiffykins, I maintained an aura of confidence and it was always inherently clear that I wouldn't tolerate being bullied or demeaned. Now, for my part, what a lot of people saw was an act because I was NO WHERE NEAR as confident as I projected. What I am finding is that as the weight comes off I don't have to fake the confidence anymore and that feels great!

As for people who have wronged me, I have always been a big fan of taking the high road. I feel the need to be the bigger person and not sink to their leve- in my ming that make them that much more pathetic. It often helps me to think that something in their life must be hurting them so much that they need to behave this way to make themselves feel better. If the behavior is overt, I would say something in that moment but then give them a wide berth- hurting or not, I don't need those kind of people in my life.

I actually had very few people ever comment about my weight and I don't remember any comments ever being inappropriate. I am tall and supposedly "carried it well" whatever the hell that means. But, a little like Tiffykins, I maintained an aura of confidence and it was always inherently clear that I wouldn't tolerate being bullied or demeaned. Now, for my part, what a lot of people saw was an act because I was NO WHERE NEAR as confident as I projected. What I am finding is that as the weight comes off I don't have to fake the confidence anymore and that feels great!

As for people who have wronged me, I have always been a big fan of taking the high road. I feel the need to be the bigger person and not sink to their leve- in my ming that make them that much more pathetic. It often helps me to think that something in their life must be hurting them so much that they need to behave this way to make themselves feel better. If the behavior is overt, I would say something in that moment but then give them a wide berth- hurting or not, I don't need those kind of people in my life.

Well I was always outspoken but now I guess I don't put up with shit I don't have to especially from guys. I would eat up any attention I got before and now I'm more picky and call things like I see them. People weren't really mean to me when I was fat, at least not to their face, they knew better.

Interesting post... I've had a few weight related comments over the years, the one that springs to mind the most is an old 'friend' who I hadn't seen for a while walked passed me... I stopped him and he said 'God, I didn't realise that short fat person waddling towards me was you!' NICE!! I remember feeling really embarrassed and just made my excuses and left, waddling off!

I've always been the bubbly fat one, the one who made everyone laugh or blended into the background, depending on my mood.

Now, 60lb lighter, I seem a little more reserved. I think it because I haven't reached a comfortable weight and I still feel self conscious.

I don't plan any real 'revenge' for any nasty comments ... it will just take the form of feeling and looking good! =]

I'm a pretty confident person too....but a couple of years ago some youngster from my husbands motorcycle club said something totally out of line about my weight. I knew I had to change. Even though in smaller and when I get to goal...I will always know, I was a plump girl for a long time. To me, its humbling!

You funny you brought this up. I seen a girlfriend for the first time since losing a hundred pounds. (she had no clue) and she was shocked, kept telling me how amazing I looked. I don't take compliments well, not used to them and tend to dismiss them. Then I had the occasion to see her a few days later and she told her son how amazing I look, she went on to say " The new improved on the outside but the same good person on inside".

I smiled, but the words have stuck with me. Yes I will always be caring and loving and helping, going the extra mile for others. HOWEVER, I have noticed that I am more confident and assertive on some things. Of course she could not have noticed that in one lunch date.

I have been stepping up to take care of business, even if it takes a toll on me. I will not let wrongs at businesses go unmentioned. I even opened my mouth up about crappy service by my surgeons staff and told him as great as he was, his staff could bring him down.

Now with that said, there is a difference between being assertive and just plain mean! So as you loose, you will see that if someone says something you dislike, you tell them but you wont do it in a mean way. That would bring you down to their level.

I was a happy person before surgery, and now I think I'm just a happier person :-)...Also, I think I'm more opt to try new things. Ain't no stopping me now yayyyy!

Oh and I think I am more confident than ever

A lot of things have changed in my attitude since surgery actually. I hadn't really thought about it, but reading your post has brought them to light.

Before my op I used to see people I hadn't seen in years and feel like I wanted to run and hide before they spotted me. I also felt angry and bitter towards my friends who didn't have weight problems. Although they were never mean in any way, and understood how hard it was for me, a little part of me HATED them. I remember a friend of mine talking about some modelling work she was doing and I just told her to "shut the **** up cos I don't want to hear about it!!"

Now I don't feel angry. I still feel a twinge of jealousy if I see a particularly pretty girl on the tv or whatever, but now it is to be more about her hair, face or clothes than her weight.

One bad thing though... I sometimes now find myself seeing people who are a bit bigger than I am now, (but definitely slimmer than I used to be!) and thinking "God, she shouldn't be wearing that at her size!" .... Or seeing a celebrity and thinking "Gosh, she's put on some weight!". In the past I would have done anything to look like those people, even at their heaviest!

I don't think I could ever turn into one of those "mean skinny" people, but my attitude is different for sure.

I'm pretty much Tiffy's twin sister when it comes to personality/outlook/attitude...

I will say this though... it has occurred to me that losing the weight could effect how I view people. Being fat always meant that you knew right away if the person you were dealing with saw me as a person or just as fat. They are easy to pick out.... To me it was nice to know right away, who was an A-hole and who was worth while. I'm slightly nervous that as I lose the weight I might develop relationships with folks that I would not have, if I hadn't lost the weight.

I used to beat up the bullies in school. LOL I wouldnt tolerate people picking on me or anyone around me. I have 4 sisters so if I didnt assert myself I probably would have had everything taken from me as a kid . I don't think my attitude will change either, I am who I am skinny or fat who the heck cares, if people like me the like me for me. If people don't like me its because I don't want them to like me hahaha.

That being said, I am sure I'll stay the same, just maybe feeling a little more sexier

I have always been extremely confident, maybe borderline arrogant....I can definitely see my weight loss getting to my head....but with that being said, I am a nice person, a trustworthy and loyal friend, and I dont see that changing.

However my divaliciousness will be on the rise

Interesting question . . . I always tried to project an aura of confidence. I think that the professions I was in demanded them (lawyer, lobbyist, then teacher) -- but I *KNEW* that people thought less of me -- no one ever said anything to my face -- but they always commented on others' weight. So I knew they commented on mine. So, knowing that, I think I always felt a little bit less of myself. I also never let people take photos or if the situation demanded it, I was behind everyone else. I wore clothes to conceal rather than to illuminate myself. In other words, the real me was partially hidden.

I'm almost to goal now -- the only thing that I can say that has changed is the positivity that I feel -- there is little to no self-criticism about the way I look (well, other than all the loose skin and that can't be helped right now). I think I was bad talking myself all the time -- and I didn't realize how that self-talk was really injurious.

So my outlook has completely changed. I know that has made me a happier, less angry, less bitter person. My husband completely agrees with me -- and my kids have made note of the fact that I'm happier and want to do more.

I think for the longest time, I used my fat as a shell to hide, never realizing that it was not a really good way to hide -- it actually put a bullseye on me -- now being almost normal, I don't feel threatened anymore, so there's no need to protect myself -- no need to criticize others, no need to be in self-protect mode. It's actually amazing what it does for you psychologically.

Thanks for the really good question --

One thing that I will say...I have had this conversation with a male friend of mine, and he always claimed that weight is irrelevent as long as you're confident. And I told him i disagree...I have always exuded confidence, but no matter how confident you are in yourself, if society doesn't reflect that, you start to second guess and wonder how much of a role your weight plays in things.

I have always wondered what role my weight plays in career advancement, and relationships etc...i just hope that losing weight means my inside will match my outside in these aspects