When the mirror doesn't match the mind

[Amanda131 214]

Hey all-

My thoughts on this topic are a bit of a jumble, so I'll do my best to make sense. I know that many find themselves losing a lot of weight but still seeing themselves as their heavy former selves when they look in the mirror. I think I have the opposite problem.

For most of my life, I have had not seen the heavy person in the mirror. I have always known that I was overweight but I only rarely saw how far out of hand things had gotten. Fortunately, I was lucid long enough to see the real picture and have surgery. So, now that I am the other side of surgery and 50 pounds lighter I am obviously ecstatic. But, again, I often don't realize how far I still have to go. Which, seems like a really good thing, I know. However, when it's time to try on clothes and I'm not a pure 18 yet or I see a picture that depicts me as heavier than what I saw in my head the reality really depresses me.

I am so proud of the 50 lbs. already lost but I find myself overwhelmed when I realize that's just a 1/3 of the way to goal. Any advice for staying positve/motivated and seeing yourself realistically would be gratefully appreciated.

Thanks all-

Amanda

[TijuanaPlication 87]

Congrats on your weight loss so far, that's awesome!

I joined sparkpeople.com a week ago today and I'm feeling very motivated since then. It seems really good, with lots of mini goal setting to keep you focussed and moving forward. It's a huge site, so I haven't navigated my way round the half of it yet. I'm feeling really positive since I joined though. I've bought a new pedometer (the WW ones I had were useless) and a new Garmin heart rate monitor (my old one died end of last year). I'm just gonna get serious on the tracking (steps, exercise, Water and food)

Sparkpeople has lots of success stories which are really uplifting, so I certainly recommend spending some time on there and signing up. I'm off to go do some Stepping.

Good luck - you can do this, you just need to keep going!!

[coops 1,790]

Hey all-

My thoughts on this topic are a bit of a jumble, so I'll do my best to make sense. I know that many find themselves losing a lot of weight but still seeing themselves as their heavy former selves when they look in the mirror. I think I have the opposite problem.

For most of my life, I have had not seen the heavy person in the mirror. I have always known that I was overweight but I only rarely saw how far out of hand things had gotten. Fortunately, I was lucid long enough to see the real picture and have surgery. So, now that I am the other side of surgery and 50 pounds lighter I am obviously ecstatic. But, again, I often don't realize how far I still have to go. Which, seems like a really good thing, I know. However, when it's time to try on clothes and I'm not a pure 18 yet or I see a picture that depicts me as heavier than what I saw in my head the reality really depresses me.

I am so proud of the 50 lbs. already lost but I find myself overwhelmed when I realize that's just a 1/3 of the way to goal. Any advice for staying positve/motivated and seeing yourself realistically would be gratefully appreciated.

Thanks all-

Amanda

Hiya Amanda,

Isn't this losing weight business a funny old thing. I am as you described; can't see the weight I have lost... I know I am smaller, but my head just wants to focus on the remaining fat, not the fat that has gone!! I battle with this pretty much daily but it is getting better.

When you start to get down, just focus on that 50lb loss... that is amazing and has really benefitted your body already. Take the good days and keep them in a good place, so when you are feeling low, get them out of your head and remember how far you have come and how good you are feeling. It sounds to me that you are a generally positive and upbeat person? Try to enjoy that.

Try not to focus on numbers, my wardrobe currently ranges from size 18 - 14 (GB)!! That just shows me that there isn't a 'universal' size anymore... oh and that includes the same shop.

My focus is now to enjoy how I 'feel', how my body feels; it is much more agile and strong... this is getting me through the tougher times.

Good luck with the mirror... and on a bad day, just smile back at your reflection!! =]

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Good morning! Well this has been a HUGE issue for me as well... so yes you are definitely not alone. I have never been able to get the photos, mirror image or anything to match the true me and even what I see myself in my head. It's so just plain strange and foreign to me. Now it's even worse because I'm a completely different looking person than I was barely 8 months ago now.

I see old pictures of me when I was really heavy and especially the infamous brown sweater picture and I'm totally blow away. How did I not see how truly giant I was? I know I didn't feel that great, I know I was buying size 28W and 3X or larger tops... WOW!! I really honestly did not see it. I think I still envisioned myself a slim teen the whole time, crazy as it sounds.

I just walked into the bathroom not even 3 minutes ago and the reflection I saw just now shocked me. My bony collarbones, skinny face - I don't recognizer her. It's almost like I see an entirely different entity when I look in the mirror now - and ethereal separate being. I can't look at my clothes and think I will actually fit them, and I'm shocked every time I put them on. They DO fit, and that IS me looking back in the mirror. I guess it will take some time to get used to it. I have such a displacement between me, myself and I. It almost takes away from all of my accomplishments - and that's very sad for me.

I think I have always had this problem though since I was even as young as 8 years old. I was mentally abused as a young child regarding my weight. I was ridiculed by a grown up who should've been like a father figure to me but he was anything but. I think that's maybe where it stems from, is my belief. I wasn't even a really fat child, I was about 10 Lbs over the ideal weight, but when I was young that was seen as a very bad thing. Nothing like you see children of today. I see pictures of me as a child and yes I had a little pot belly but for the most part I was not fat. I did gain quite a bit in my early teens and that's when I went anorexic and bulimic to lose weight. I got very very thin and stayed that way all through High School. This is the girl I always remembered and through my heavy years, I think this is who I saw in my head, the skinny anorexic girl.

I hope one day for all of our sakes our minds can meet with the reality. I would love for that to happen.

[Starry 6]

i've always seen myself as major obese like MONDO almost 700lb worth.. I couldn't ever see myself as the 279lb woman.. I'd ask my kids "Am I that size" use to drive them bonkers! I love that I've lost 50+ lbs as well... my problem... I keep buying clothes in the same size.. I have a whole closet full WHY am I buying clothes the same size.. I mean SERIOUSLY? What am I thinkin! I've decided I'm not spending any more money on clothes until the time i put on my pants and they fall to the ground on their own!

My friend who also had the Sleeve done told me.. "If you don't come to grips with the fact that you're losing weight when you look in the mirror you'll never be able to experience the delight when you see yourself fading away.."

Yeah but what does she know.. she's lost over 100lbs since December.. Ohhh... how I don't like her right now LOL ... J/K

They say it'll come around.. You look fabulous.. congrats and keep pluggin along..

[snowfie9 6]

Body image dysmprphia works both ways. I've always been obese, but I never "saw" myself as fat. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and boy do I see it now! But I won't be stopping at 250-230lbs which has been the "norm" through my adult life. I'm taking this train all the way out of obesity and I'm absolutely positive I'll think I'm TOO thin. And the people who've known me my entire life may agree with me. But that's something to struggle with just as a na norexic struggles with thinking they're too fat.

I would gladly trade my current problems with that problem.

[crosswind 134]

Oh I know exactly how you feel. I've lost 40 pounds since surgery and I'm at the top of the sixth week. All I can see is that I'm still fat and I am trying so hard not to obsess. People have commented already, but what I think is shoot, I still weigh 250 pounds, it's nowhere near enough. I keep pushing myself forward in my head -- how much will I weigh a month from now -- how about two months from now -- when will I be at goal? How long is this going to take?

When you get to some outrageous amount of overweight, making sacrifices and changing your lifestyle seems like not enough reward for too much work. All that focus, concentration, obsession, hunger, isolation from others since they don't have the problem you do and on and on -- for what? Two pounds a week? One pound a week? Given that if you have a hundred pounds to lose it would take you more than two years to do that ( and that's if your hormones or thyroid or workschedule doesn't detonate the whole endeavor) at that point staying fat is an intelligent decision. And if you've done it before, there's no illusions about it, it's just going to suck in the most mind-numbing fashion. I'm used to thinking I'm overweight and starting to focus on driving down that needle no matter *what*. Ruminate about it, imagine a future and then inside the future how much do I weigh there? 165 is okay, 190 is not okay. 250 is no good. It's 40 pounds less but it's still fat.

Sick in the head. I really am.

I try not to do this but I feel like my real life is on hold. You know, the life in my future that exists in my head. I tell myself, listen, it takes people six months to lose 40 pounds, or forever. This time would have passed anyway without the surgery but without it you'd still weigh 289 and be too depressed to leave the house. Buck up, idiot.

[Amanda131 214]

Body image dysmprphia works both ways. I've always been obese, but I never "saw" myself as fat. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and boy do I see it now! But I won't be stopping at 250-230lbs which has been the "norm" through my adult life. I'm taking this train all the way out of obesity and I'm absolutely positive I'll think I'm TOO thin. And the people who've known me my entire life may agree with me. But that's something to struggle with just as a na norexic struggles with thinking they're too fat.

I would gladly trade my current problems with that problem.

Oh! Thank you so much for giving this feeling a name- as a former English teacher, it was driving me nuts that I couldn't succintly describe what I am feeling. I love that I now have a name for it! Dumb, I know, but it's the little things...

And, I'm totally with you when it comes to riding this train to the end. I feel like I took the "Nuclear Option" when I chose surgery so I damn well better go all of the way!