Hello,

i'm so excited for my surgery....I'm just starting my journey to WLS.....with that being said I've only told 3ppl about it, one being my husband....He is trying to be supportive and be here for me but in the same sentences he says"when you get skinny your going to leave me?" and laughs!?:confused2: so i'm confused!! Is this just happeningto me? is my husband really thinking i could do such a thing?

I mean my husband is thin, good looking, and young! we have been together for 11years..since we were 15years old! so he has been here through my darks hours, child birth, the passing of my mother, my teenage skinny years...he has been here for all of it so why would he think i would leave???

I think he doesnt understand my fight with my weight because he has had to have the stares when he introduced me to his co-workers,being Breathless while trying to play with our son, hoping he doesnt want the lights on when we are making love, going to store and having him say "babe this is a really nice dress see if they have it in your size" which they never did!! all the back pain and the feeling that i'm not the pretty wife and mother my husband and son deserve! okay i'm going to stop now because i'm crying........

Am I the only one going through this???

I'm so sorry that this has happened. I think your husband is just trying to say that he might feel insecure if you become thin and attractive -- actually, it's a good thing, in a guy-sort-of-way, that he's telling you this. You can tell him exactly what you said to us -- that he's been such a wonderful husband, that he's literally been through thick and thin with you, and there is no way you would ever leave him -- he's too good

I hope that helps and I hope you feel better soon!

Hello,

i'm so excited for my surgery....I'm just starting my journey to WLS.....with that being said I've only told 3ppl about it, one being my husband....He is trying to be supportive and be here for me but in the same sentences he says"when you get skinny your going to leave me?" and laughs!?:confused2: so i'm confused!! Is this just happeningto me? is my husband really thinking i could do such a thing?

I mean my husband is thin, good looking, and young! we have been together for 11years..since we were 15years old! so he has been here through my darks hours, child birth, the passing of my mother, my teenage skinny years...he has been here for all of it so why would he think i would leave???

I think he doesnt understand my fight with my weight because he has had to have the stares when he introduced me to his co-workers,being Breathless while trying to play with our son, hoping he doesnt want the lights on when we are making love, going to store and having him say "babe this is a really nice dress see if they have it in your size" which they never did!! all the back pain and the feeling that i'm not the pretty wife and mother my husband and son deserve! okay i'm going to stop now because i'm crying........

Am I the only one going through this???

I was smiling all the way through your post, not smiling at your post but at your comments. . honey husbands are the most insecure people on the face of this earth. . they rely on wives for everything basically. . they are so happy when everything is going "their" way that when something is going to change. . bam they right away think "WE" are going to leave them. . .my hubbie is stupid this way too. . . only you know what after he saw i didn't change or leave or do anything like what HE thought was going to happen, he calmed down and life carries on. . . men are soooooo foolish and insecure. . .just ignore the comments and if it continues, ask him if maybe that is his plan of action since he is the one bringing it up all the time. . . good luck, it's going to be ok

Nope, my husband said the same things, and never said anything of the sorts when I was fat. You wanna know what stopped his little shitty comments? ME saying " hey before you came along, I had zero issue dating, having boyfriends, and I CHOSE YOU to marry, I make the choice to stay married to you, fat or thin, you are stuck with me, so get over the fact that the only reason I'd leave you is if I was skinny, I'd leave you fat so just stop being so insecure, and buck up."

It happens, they hate change more than anything, and if you're husband is anything like mine, he is a fixer, and he felt helpless like he couldn't "help" me NOT be fat. I was like the grace of God couldn't help me get skinny, what makes you think you can fix my fatness? He really just wanted to fix everything, and make it better but didn't know how to convey his concerns.

First and foremost, congratulations for being on a journey back to yourself, a journey to find love for yourself and take control over your life, I am pre-op as well and on that journey. What have some of us done our entire lives that may have led us into the fat suit we wear today? For me it has been putting **everyone** in my life before me and...being co-dependent(well if you are gonna be mad then I won't do this I'll just stay miserable or...I don't want you to be insecure I wanna fix you then me...) this may not at all be you but it was me. Let me ask you this...what is the worse thing that can happen in your marriage? If that happens then will your life still go on? My husband has been the greatest jerk about my weight and at the same time my biggest fan which I consider deadly combinations. I will give you an example: "I bought you a treadmill, when are you gonna start running?" Well...you don't want to know my answer but I will say that coming from a man who despises obese people and at times makes mean comments about them(this is called ignorance) he has grown from telling me all I had to do was close my mouth and run 6 miles a day to asking me how many days he will have to take off to help me out. The more I show him videos of before and afters, the more stern I am that this is the way I am taking the more he is acting like a friend. I am sure he has insecurities but I always assure him that the way he treats me is wayyyy more important than what I weigh because the weight can come off. His insecurity is really his problem, and if you are like me at this point in this journey I just say: "You can go to therapy to work out your insecurities I can't help you there for I am on a journey to save my life!" I have heard at one of the support groups I attended as part of my research into this women saying that once the weight leaves, the self esteem and attention from strangers starts to kick in that they have felt deprived of that and enjoy it a lot which is a problem also that some just realize that their husbands were tools and they deserved better.

It can go a lot of ways but let it be your way.

Hello,

i'm so excited for my surgery....I'm just starting my journey to WLS.....with that being said I've only told 3ppl about it, one being my husband....He is trying to be supportive and be here for me but in the same sentences he says"when you get skinny your going to leave me?" and laughs!?:confused2: so i'm confused!! Is this just happeningto me? is my husband really thinking i could do such a thing?

I mean my husband is thin, good looking, and young! we have been together for 11years..since we were 15years old! so he has been here through my darks hours, child birth, the passing of my mother, my teenage skinny years...he has been here for all of it so why would he think i would leave???

I think he doesnt understand my fight with my weight because he has had to have the stares when he introduced me to his co-workers,being Breathless while trying to play with our son, hoping he doesnt want the lights on when we are making love, going to store and having him say "babe this is a really nice dress see if they have it in your size" which they never did!! all the back pain and the feeling that i'm not the pretty wife and mother my husband and son deserve! okay i'm going to stop now because i'm crying........

Am I the only one going through this???

Hi Queen, Welcome to VST!!

You know, I think the majority of Husbands or SO's have said this. Mine did... but I just had to assure him everything will still be the same as before - except it'll even be better because I'll FEEL better.

He has since stopped talking about it and is more enjoying the results... so no more complaining or insecurities in my house. You just gotta feed into the male melodrama that comes along with any changes in what they feel is perfect. I'm sure you're crying because you feel overwhelmed, but do not worry, if your marriage is a good strong one, you will get through this and all of the worst times of your life. That will only make it even STRONGER.

Hugs!!

Nope my hubby said the same things and I think he's actually scared I would leave him. I tell him that being skinny is not going to change how I feel about him AND did he think I don't have other options now? I think because I'm fat he thinks no one every hits on me so I will be consumed with the attention. Just reassure him and go on. It will pass.

I'm so sorry that this has happened. I think your husband is just trying to say that he might feel insecure if you become thin and attractive -- actually, it's a good thing, in a guy-sort-of-way, that he's telling you this. You can tell him exactly what you said to us -- that he's been such a wonderful husband, that he's literally been through thick and thin with you, and there is no way you would ever leave him -- he's too good

I hope that helps and I hope you feel better soon!

Yes Juliarh he is a great husband!! we have been through alot of ups and downs and i think that is why it was so left field for me!! I mean i was "skinny" once when we first got together so why would i leave now after 11years?!! lol ugh men!! iguess thats all i can say!

thanks for the support!!

I was smiling all the way through your post, not smiling at your post but at your comments. . honey husbands are the most insecure people on the face of this earth. . they rely on wives for everything basically. . they are so happy when everything is going "their" way that when something is going to change. . bam they right away think "WE" are going to leave them. . .my hubbie is stupid this way too. . . only you know what after he saw i didn't change or leave or do anything like what HE thought was going to happen, he calmed down and life carries on. . . men are soooooo foolish and insecure. . .just ignore the comments and if it continues, ask him if maybe that is his plan of action since he is the one bringing it up all the time. . . good luck, it's going to be ok

Thanks!!! I know that he's coming from a place of fear....He told me last night "what if something happens to you?" and said he couldnt be without me...so i think thats why i've been pushing the WLS..because this isnt the first time he said this to me! i've could have had the surgery 6months ago but his fears scared me so i pushed it off!

good luck and great job on the weight loss!

Nope, my husband said the same things, and never said anything of the sorts when I was fat. You wanna know what stopped his little shitty comments? ME saying " hey before you came along, I had zero issue dating, having boyfriends, and I CHOSE YOU to marry, I make the choice to stay married to you, fat or thin, you are stuck with me, so get over the fact that the only reason I'd leave you is if I was skinny, I'd leave you fat so just stop being so insecure, and buck up."

It happens, they hate change more than anything, and if you're husband is anything like mine, he is a fixer, and he felt helpless like he couldn't "help" me NOT be fat. I was like the grace of God couldn't help me get skinny, what makes you think you can fix my fatness? He really just wanted to fix everything, and make it better but didn't know how to convey his concerns.

I have never had my husband say that to me before and he has seen me thin and seen me know at my biggest! i think he doesnt want me to have the surgery because he is scared something might happen!?

how true it is!

First and foremost, congratulations for being on a journey back to yourself, a journey to find love for yourself and take control over your life, I am pre-op as well and on that journey. What have some of us done our entire lives that may have led us into the fat suit we wear today? For me it has been putting **everyone** in my life before me and...being co-dependent(well if you are gonna be mad then I won't do this I'll just stay miserable or...I don't want you to be insecure I wanna fix you then me...) this may not at all be you but it was me. Let me ask you this...what is the worse thing that can happen in your marriage? If that happens then will your life still go on? My husband has been the greatest jerk about my weight and at the same time my biggest fan which I consider deadly combinations. I will give you an example: "I bought you a treadmill, when are you gonna start running?" Well...you don't want to know my answer but I will say that coming from a man who despises obese people and at times makes mean comments about them(this is called ignorance) he has grown from telling me all I had to do was close my mouth and run 6 miles a day to asking me how many days he will have to take off to help me out. The more I show him videos of before and afters, the more stern I am that this is the way I am taking the more he is acting like a friend. I am sure he has insecurities but I always assure him that the way he treats me is wayyyy more important than what I weigh because the weight can come off. His insecurity is really his problem, and if you are like me at this point in this journey I just say: "You can go to therapy to work out your insecurities I can't help you there for I am on a journey to save my life!" I have heard at one of the support groups I attended as part of my research into this women saying that once the weight leaves, the self esteem and attention from strangers starts to kick in that they have felt deprived of that and enjoy it a lot which is a problem also that some just realize that their husbands were tools and they deserved better.

It can go a lot of ways but let it be your way.

Hello,

i'm just starting with my options classes and i havent had the surgery yet and this is stressful enough without having my husband bug out on me! but my husband has never said anything about my weight ever...and when i ask him he says just more to love or as long as im into you what do you care what others think! so i've be blessed with a thoughtful and supportive husband...i think this is coming from fear..he said he's scared that something might go wrong!? which i understand!

Hi Queen, Welcome to VST!!

You know, I think the majority of Husbands or SO's have said this. Mine did... but I just had to assure him everything will still be the same as before - except it'll even be better because I'll FEEL better.

He has since stopped talking about it and is more enjoying the results... so no more complaining or insecurities in my house. You just gotta feed into the male melodrama that comes along with any changes in what they feel is perfect. I'm sure you're crying because you feel overwhelmed, but do not worry, if your marriage is a good strong one, you will get through this and all of the worst times of your life. That will only make it even STRONGER.

Hugs!!

hi Lilmissdiva!!

thanks for the postive words and support!! i'm hoping once i get the surgery and once i'm recovering he will see that i'm all his and his alone!! i think i'm going to have to talk to him and let him know that i feel he desevers to have his trophy wife!! lol

i'm happy to hear that your house is peacful once again!

Nope my hubby said the same things and I think he's actually scared I would leave him. I tell him that being skinny is not going to change how I feel about him AND did he think I don't have other options now? I think because I'm fat he thinks no one every hits on me so I will be consumed with the attention. Just reassure him and go on. It will pass.

Thanks DJaskson! but i've been hit on in front of my husband so he kinda throws that at me like"imagine when your thin?" like really please!! i lett him that if i havent left now i'm not going to!! lol i guess men are crazy!!

how true it is!

yup! i got a scaredy cat husband!! lol jk but we talk about and are open with our feelings so tonight i'm going to have to talk to him about it!

I have never had my husband say that to me before and he has seen me thin and seen me know at my biggest! i think he doesnt want me to have the surgery because he is scared something might happen!?

I know that my husband was concerned would happen to me with both of my surgeries, and I had serious complications with my revision so his concerns were valid. BUT, I told him " what are the risks of me staying fat?, do you want to hire a nurse to bathe me when I'm 60 and can't reach certain body parts, do you want to give me insulin injections when I can't do it for myself, do you want me to die early because of high blood pressure and a stroke?" All of those things run in my family, he saw it firsthand when he met my family, and saw that 85% of my family obese and popping 3-10 pills a day to combat the conditions of obesity.

Giving him some perspective on what having a healthy wife could do to benefit our marriage, and years together eased his worries.