Hello,

i'm so excited for my surgery....I'm just starting my journey to WLS.....with that being said I've only told 3ppl about it, one being my husband....He is trying to be supportive and be here for me but in the same sentences he says"when you get skinny your going to leave me?" and laughs!?:confused2: so i'm confused!! Is this just happeningto me? is my husband really thinking i could do such a thing?

I mean my husband is thin, good looking, and young! we have been together for 11years..since we were 15years old! so he has been here through my darks hours, child birth, the passing of my mother, my teenage skinny years...he has been here for all of it so why would he think i would leave???

I think he doesnt understand my fight with my weight because he has had to have the stares when he introduced me to his co-workers,being Breathless while trying to play with our son, hoping he doesnt want the lights on when we are making love, going to store and having him say "babe this is a really nice dress see if they have it in your size" which they never did!! all the back pain and the feeling that i'm not the pretty wife and mother my husband and son deserve! okay i'm going to stop now because i'm crying........

Am I the only one going through this???

I know that my husband was concerned would happen to me with both of my surgeries, and I had serious complications with my revision so his concerns were valid. BUT, I told him " what are the risks of me staying fat?, do you want to hire a nurse to bathe me when I'm 60 and can't reach certain body parts, do you want to give me insulin injections when I can't do it for myself, do you want me to die early because of high blood pressure and a stroke?" All of those things run in my family, he saw it firsthand when he met my family, and saw that 85% of my family obese and popping 3-10 pills a day to combat the conditions of obesity.

Giving him some perspective on what having a healthy wife could do to benefit our marriage, and years together eased his worries.

yes i'm hoping with time he will see the benefit of it! and he has said " that will mean we can go camping and hiking!" so yes i think he knows but is still scared!

I've been with the same man for 30 yrs now (25yrs married), and it's not any different with us. We both started out as skinny 19 yr olds, then grew older and fatter together. Now that I'm thin again, he's proud of me and glad my health is better. But because so many people have remarked about me looking younger after the weight loss, he's joked about me leaving him for a younger man. So I guess men have their insecurities no matter how old they are or how long you've been together in a faithful marriage. Just keep reassuring them that you love them for who they are just like they've loved you for who you are, no matter what the number on the scale is.

Don't worry! People are scared of change, even GOOD change! Men, especially, I think! My boyfriend has said similar things, and I think it just comes down to a fear of change. Once he sees that you are the same person, only healthier, he'll relax and enjoy all the great benefits of having a more healthy wife!

I've been with the same man for 30 yrs now (25yrs married), and it's not any different with us. We both started out as skinny 19 yr olds, then grew older and fatter together. Now that I'm thin again, he's proud of me and glad my health is better. But because so many people have remarked about me looking younger after the weight loss, he's joked about me leaving him for a younger man. So I guess men have their insecurities no matter how old they are or how long you've been together in a faithful marriage. Just keep reassuring them that you love them for who they are just like they've loved you for who you are, no matter what the number on the scale is.

Thanks fo the adivce! i guess men can have the same insecurities as women! i did talk to him last night and he understands more where i'm coming from!

My boyfriend never said flat out that he was worried I'd leave him or something, but I sensed that it's a concern. The amount of flowers I've been receiving since the surgery has been increasing in proportion to the amount of weight I lose, lol. The concern he DID voice was that I'd "become vain." I think I'm already kind of vain, though.

My husband has also said the same things..."Your going to leave me when your skinny for some young dude." So yes they are human too and get insecure just like we do..it's normal and common.

I have lost almost 60 lbs since my highest weight and 2 months since surgeory and now I am seeing my husband say things like, "My hot wife" so it does change I think he is getting used to having a hot wife ( not that I am Like HOT or something but I am to him..haha) on his arm.

Don't worry! People are scared of change, even GOOD change! Men, especially, I think! My boyfriend has said similar things, and I think it just comes down to a fear of change. Once he sees that you are the same person, only healthier, he'll relax and enjoy all the great benefits of having a more healthy wife!

Thanks Lila21!! you are so right and i think things will change!!

My boyfriend never said flat out that he was worried I'd leave him or something, but I sensed that it's a concern. The amount of flowers I've been receiving since the surgery has been increasing in proportion to the amount of weight I lose, lol. The concern he DID voice was that I'd "become vain." I think I'm already kind of vain, though.

Lmao im vain already so yea that might be a problem!!

My husband has also said the same things..."Your going to leave me when your skinny for some young dude." So yes they are human too and get insecure just like we do..it's normal and common.

I have lost almost 60 lbs since my highest weight and 2 months since surgeory and now I am seeing my husband say things like, "My hot wife" so it does change I think he is getting used to having a hot wife ( not that I am Like HOT or something but I am to him..haha) on his arm.

wow 60lbs!! good job!! thats so nice to hear that your a hot wife!! my husband says to me know but i dont feel tha way yet...

Nope, my husband said the same things, and never said anything of the sorts when I was fat. You wanna know what stopped his little shitty comments? ME saying " hey before you came along, I had zero issue dating, having boyfriends, and I CHOSE YOU to marry, I make the choice to stay married to you, fat or thin, you are stuck with me, so get over the fact that the only reason I'd leave you is if I was skinny, I'd leave you fat so just stop being so insecure, and buck up."

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I love the "I'd leave you fat so stop being insecure". Sometimes they need to hear that kind of harsh reality to get it!!! Good way to put it!

I'm currently single but I guess if I had a man in my life saying "you're gonna leave me when you get thin" over and over again, I guess I would come back with, "why, do you want to be left?" By the way, the reason I am single? When I told my then-boyfriend that I was having surgery, he had zero reaction and moved on to the next topic like I had mentioned I had oatmeal for breakfast. Then, when I had the surgery, he did not reach out to me in any way to see how I was - didn't send me an email, didn't skype me, nothing. When I told him later how very much this hurt me and how this behavior won't fly with me, he called me an "emotional insurgent". I was done after that.