This is for men and women. I would especially like to hear from our male members because well, I don't understand this conundrum at all ! ! !

Since losing weight, my husband thinks I'm helpless and a total wimp. It's sweet to an extent, but seriously, I'm not handicapped now because I'm skinny. When I was 270lbs, his ass wouldn't move if he saw me lugging a 50lb bag of dog food, but now at 125ish pounds, I can't dust the tv stand without him asking "do you need help?" SERIOUSLY, what is up with this change in behavior? Why is it that all of a sudden, I'm not capable of doing every day things without assistance?

I understand I had a horrific recovery, was sick for several months (he was deployed during my entire recovery), and couldn't be here. But, he's been home since October of last year, and for the last 4 months, he's been smothering me. Yes, we've discussed it. Yes, I've told him how I feel. Communication is not the problem. But, what else can I say or do to make him realize that I'm not a fragile little girl? He's even tried to pull the " I don't want you to chip your nail polish" crap. We are trying to conceive, and I know that he's always been the protective type, but not to this extent? I'm not complaining about my husband, he isn't being an ass, he isn't being mean, he has just lost all confidence that I am capable of doing anything. I am by far more mechanically inclined than he is, I can and have changed the oil in our vehicles, changed car tires, I lug my 55lb basset hound in and out of the bathtub without issue. If there are things that need to be done around the house, I have to do them while he is gone or I'll never get anything done. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, or if this is more of a vent. I greatly appreciate having an amazing, and loving husband so please don't tell me that I should be grateful that he is this way. If this didn't absolutely irritate me to no end, or make me feel worthless, I would never have posted. If I do things while he is gone, he gets mad at me for not waiting on him to get home. We live on 1.5 acre, have a riding lawnmower, he doesn't even like it if I mow the yard. It's not like I'm out push mowing our entire lot. I think it's great that he wants to protect me, that he wants to do everything he can to make my life easier, but it's actually just making things more difficult.

How can we compromise on this? I should add that since my revision I am a stay at home mom/wife for the first time in my life with a 12 yr old(from a previous), very independent, self-sufficient son. It's all new territory for all of us. My husband is very conservative, and a traditionalist. He is the provider, I'm the homemaker, and we're both trying to adjust to these new roles. I do work part-time as a Lia Sophia jewelry advisor/direct sales. For me, it's not working though because it's more fun than anything. I just started "working" within the last month, and it's given me an outlet that is just mine. I admit I've lost part of "Tiffany" since becoming a sahw/m, but we're trying to work on all of this at the same time.

Any advice, wisdom, suggestions, anyone else experience this type of situation with your partner?

Tiff,

My husband is still sitting while watching me lift 55 pounds of dog food! But my surgery was 8/17/10 so we will see if there are changes ahead. I can't even imagine him treating me as if I were fragile!

It sounds like there has been several changes in your lives and as long as you are communicating your thoughts and feelings you are on the right track. It may take a little while for the adjustments to feel just right.