I have had one of the worst days of my life today. I finally got a date from the surgeon yesterday. I should be happy right...well listen to this....

I just started teaching school in January, but I have been very up front with the school and I told them I might be doing a surgical procedure this year. A month ago I talked to the director and he told me no problem, just to let them know when I needed time off. Today I went to talk to the director to tell him that I have a date and I will only be taking 3 days off (yeah, thats right...3 I made sure to schedule it in between 2 holidays so that I will get a week off but only need to take 3 days)

The first director that I had talked to was to busy to talk to me and his secretary told me to make an appointment. Then I went downstairs and I saw one of the other directors and mentioned to him that I needed to talk to them, so we went into his office. When I told him what I was there for, he said he couldn't BELIEVE that I would spring this on them knowing I had only been at the school for 3 months, THEN he proceeded to tell me that I have always been overweight and that he knows I have a problem and that I should exercise more and diet...and basically telling me what to do with my life....

Then he proceeded to tell me that some one complained about me eating all the cakes in the waiting room. (they usually put a plate of 10 to 15 miniature cakes in the morning) which is complete and absolute trash! I hardly EVER eat any of the cakes mostly because I don't like them. I also am part owner of a cake factory myself! If I want cakes I'll bring them from my own store...and 3rd of all...thats just gossip. And I couldn't believe he was repeating that to me.

I basically told him that it was non of his business and that I was there as a courtesy to let them know what days I would be taking off. It took almost everything I had not to burst into tears in his office. He apologized (in a smart ass kind of way) and said he shouldn't have made those comments and THEN he went on to say that he wouldn't do any thing about the other problem. It took me a few minuets to remember what he was talking about....he meant about me eating all the cakes!! What the hell was he going to do? Forbid me from eating cakes?? WTF

Now I'm not even sure if I should be doing the surgery, its bringing all kinds of problems at work, and we are going to be stretched for cash paying it all and my husband isn't so sure....and gawd.....help me guys.

((( HUGS!!!! ))) Oh my word K@t!! You poor thing!

Now, pull yourself up, brush yourself off, throw your arms around yourself & know that all of us here at LBT are hugging you for all we're worth! Then go punch the director in the nose!! :confused:

Seriously, remember that you're doing the surgery for YOU. And if he mentions it to anyone else... don't suppose there's HIPPA laws in Portugal? In the U.S., they're not ALLOWED to talk about it! And to put it mildly, it ain't none of his business! How insensitive can you get? He sounds like a real jerk! Hopefully you can chat with the other director & get a more sympathetic response!

3 days off is not much to ask for... push for it! And ask your husband for his support. Explain what the surgery means to you & how much you need to know that he's with you on it. I know he loves you & wants you to be happy.

And know that surgery is just plain stressful. Thinking about it is stressful. Planning for it is stressful. Going through it is stressful. You're going to need tender loving care... find folks that are willing to give it and surround yourself with them!!

(( Hugs!! )) Hope tomorrow's better for you!

What a complete and udder @sshole. :angry I don't know how you kept from ripping his head off. The comment about the cakes is off the hook. I think you should go back to him and calmly tell him that his comments were inappropriate and rude. He acted in a manner that was purposly hurtful and that is not acceptable, by anyones standards. How would he feel if you had said those things to him about oh, lets say, erectile dysfunction? You did not ask for his opinion, you just wanted to let him know. He accused you of something that is not true because you are overweight. Since the cakes are all gone, it must have been you. Thats what he is saying and that is blatant prejudice. Arrogant Pr!ck.

THEN he proceeded to tell me that I have always been overweight and that he knows I have a problem and that I should exercise more and diet

I don't know what the workplace rules are in Portugal, but here that's enough to get someone terminated. He didn't handle the cakes situation well, either. Regardless of whether you eat them or not, he should never approach it as, "someone complained..." How clueless.

As for being stretched for cash - and you being unsure - aren't you the one who could wait a year and have it free? If you don't feel sure about it, I would suggest waiting until you do. You will not want to go into something like this with uncertainty. Maybe you could take the waiting time and use it to finalize your decision. Then, if/when you are ready, not only will your emotional state & hopefully working conditions be better, but your surgery will also be free and you won't have to be strapped for $.

Just a thought. I hate to see people head into something like this w/o feeling 100% confident, in their heart of hearts, about their decision.

WOW - what a jerk!! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You're not going to let some opinionated a-hole let you feel bad about getting this surgery. ((((((HUGS!)))))) And the stupid cakes! Even if you ate a dozen a day, would that be his business?! Grrrr

K@t, i know being in a foreign country can sometimes make the rules different. As you know what he did here is against the law. Too bad there isn't a union set up. they would have his ass creamed for that.

I say write a formal letter to his boss, and the boss above that. Don't demand an apology, just write it as if you feel the need to bring it to their attention, andhow difficult this has made your position. And point out exactly what you have here. From the forewarning of the surgery, to the snide comments, to the cake thing. If you get no response, goto thenext boss. If you reach a ceiling and they are all patting each other on the back, then maybe it isn't a place you really want to work.

WOW! Seems like if someone were to say that... they could be fired. What an ass!!! You do what your heart says... IF you want and need the surgery, you do it. Screw that guy!!!

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the support....and update....he actually called me about an hour ago to apologize! I'm not sure why but he called and sounded really humble and asked if I would be willing to talk to him and of course I said yes, and he told me that he was really sorry and his remarks were inappropriate and that he hoped we could still continue to work together. :faint: I don't know if he felt guilty of if he was just covering his ass. Then later he actually called the director at the school where I work (there are several branches and fortunately i work in a different branch then him.) and told my director that he hoped he hadn't causes any problems for me and that he was really sorry. My director said he thinks that the guy is really embarrassed about the whole situation and is truly sorry......

N e way, I'm going to avoid the guy as much as possible and I'm going to take my days off for my surgery and I'm not going to listen to any thing else.

aren't you the one who could wait a year and have it free

Yep thats me, but the waiting list as I found out is more like 2 years now. Plus its in a state facility and I think the private facility has newer equipment and is nicer. The surgeon seemed more confident in the private hospital and he gets his pay either way.

Thanks again guys!

K@t, I am so sorry you had to hear those aweful words from such an insensitive loozer! Obviously he called to apologize because he doesn't want you to sue him for slander, job place harrasement etc. In the states we have a program called the Family Medical Leave Act. You would absolutely have the right to this surgery with 6 weeks off if you had to.

I know that everyone is different, but, I had my surgery on a Friday and returned to work on Monday. I don't know if this is common, but I was fine to come to work. Just didn't do any prescribed pain meds, liquid Tylenol. Best of luck to you!

Glad you made your own decisions and was not deterred by this man. It would have been better to say you needed surgery and leave it at that. They (men) would have assumed it was female related and not said anymore.:confused: Remember, you could not eat anything all day and the minute you put something in your mouth, someone is looking saying or thinking, "there she goes again, eating." There is so much prejudice in the world, and this is just another example.

Don't stress, get the surgery, and get on with your life. The best way to get even with others that have "wronged" us is for us to be happy. Get's them everytime!

What a cruel guy. Everything he said was out of line. Keep your chin up, if your really sure that the surgery is the answer for you then just do it. You'll find lots of support here at LBT.

Roberta

its bringing all kinds of problems at work, and we are going to be stretched for cash paying it all and my husband isn't so sure

Kat, if your hubby is still not 100% for this - then I would be nervous to continue persuing this operation at this time. Listen to your man. Im telling you from experience.

((hugs))

WHAT!!!:omg: I can't understand how a person thinks they have any right to talk done to someone. Just reading this made me so angry. It seems like people feel like a large person is less of a human. that they don't have to consider there feelings because they are over weight and they do it to themselves. I am not saying everyone feels this way but I do. I am sorry he talked to you that way. and the whole cake thing had fumes coming out of my ears. sorry if I sound angry. I am glad he apoligized to you. even if he was covering his ass. ok, I am done with my rant.

You showed a great deal of self restraint in that situation. I probably would have broken into tears - just from the shear frustration of not being able to pop him one across the jaw.

What an @$$!! Hugs! Good luck with your surgery.

GIRLLLLLLL OH HELLLLL TO THE NAW!!!!!!!!! I would kick that @ss....uhhhhh hmmmmm....NAW...aint NOONE talkin to me like that! Dont let him stop you from doing what YOU want for you! See who is laughing when you lose 125lbs...that jerk......

Hang in there....

xo

Yep, the guy was a total ass, and when he apologized he actually said thank you to me for controlling myself while he was saying all of this....whatever I'm totally over it. He isn't worth my time, and when I told some of my colleges about the cakes they were all up hauled as well because they all know I don't eat them because I don't like them.

As far as my man, he understands that I want to do it and he has accepted that we are going to pay for it, but he wants to wait until we have more money in savings so we can pay it all and have some extra cushion. But thats just his nature, he's always worried about money. We are fine and it will be fine. The doctor already has me running all kinds of test and I told hubby if we wait I'll probably have to do the tests again which means paying for them again. Besides when its all said and done he will be happy we got it over with before the summer when were going on vacation back to Florida, and I will feel happier and more confident going out on the beach.

I am sorry he talked to you that way. and the whole cake thing had fumes coming out of my ears.

Um yeah, that part had me more upset than any thing, I'm use to people giving me diet and exercise advice, but to some how throw that in was just beyond me....I actually told him when he said that, that's how gossip gets started isn't it...when some one says some one did something etc.