Good evening bandsters!

(Preface:OMG I have typed this twice only to have my crap computer or this site timeout and wipe out my entry)

I am on Day 5 of my 14 day pre-op liquid diet and hanging in there. Of course it isn't easy and I didn't expect it to be

but today as I was walking home from work I fell behind a woman carrying a Dominos Pizza and it smelled so good I wanted

to ****** it from her! I have not told anyone at work about the procedure even though I work in the

food/wine business in NYC and it will soon get difficult to dodge events during the holiday season and spit wine out at tastings

instead of swallow it. I am confident I can manage the privacy issue at work even though we are quite nosy about each others lunches.

However, my family is another story. I made the choice to only tell my 2 sisters but not my parents.

All 5 members of my family live in different places, none close to me. My parents don't have the resources

to come stay with me through surgery/recovery. I don't want my parents to worry unnecessarily about the procedure or my support

after recovery as I am confident in my surgeon and the 2 local friends I did tell who will be here for me as I

continue this journey. Today my sisters called me to say they would like me to tell my folks

because they are feeling burdened by keeping this secret from my parents (what if there are complications? they say

what if they get mad because we knew and didn't tell them? they ask)

For now I still stand firm in my choice to not tell my mom and dad because as 'the day' gets closer

and the emotional stakes get higher, I don't want to add any unnecessary drama to my pre-game positivity

strategy. Has anyone else had a similar situation with privacy with family members?

How did you deal?

thanks for reading - medical clearance from PCP yesterday, PST at NYU tomorrow morning - wish me luck

jenn

Hi Jenn,

congrats on taking this step. I also live in NYC and had my surgery done at NYU by Dr. Fielding (Dr. Ren's husband).

The staff there is excellent, and you will be in very good hands.

Like you, I have chosen to keep this process a secret. There are exactly 2 people who know about it, my husband and a very close friend. I haven't told anyone else (not even my family). Even after 77 pounds lost, people don't really seem to notice, so I haven't had to explain it yet.

I would say, don't tell anyone until you are ready to tell them because once you tell them, they can't un-know. know what I mean?

once that cat is out of the bag, it's just out and you can't put it back. I am happy with people not knowing because i didn't want the extra scrutiny, or people watching everything that goes into my mouth and asking me if i should be eating it or not.

the good news is, you won't have to spit wine out at wine tastings. I still drink wine. You will have to watch the nibbling at food tastings, but you should be able to still eat things with ease as long as you chew, chew, chew.

my 6 months bandiversary is coming up in 2 days and I feel pretty great. I still have a very long way to go, but i'm taking it one day at a time and just enjoying the new things that come my way. please feel free to get in touch with me if you need any encouragement.

If you are not telling your parents because they will be critical or just not supportive then I think you are doing the right thing...I havent told more than two people because its very personal and I dont want the negative comments.

BUT... if you are not telling them because you want to spare them the worry I'll just say one thing: Would it be ok if they or another family member did the same to you? Like if your Mom was having a small surgery (all surgeries have risk) and didnt want to worry you so didnt tell.

I really appreciate your input Dawn and validation on the NY team. Thank you. I was just there for my PST and was bowled over at how pleasant and smooth it all was.

Thanks again for reaching out and congratulations for coming so far on your own journey!

jenn

Hi Jenn,

congrats on taking this step. I also live in NYC and had my surgery done at NYU by Dr. Fielding (Dr. Ren's husband).

The staff there is excellent, and you will be in very good hands.

Like you, I have chosen to keep this process a secret. There are exactly 2 people who know about it, my husband and a very close friend. I haven't told anyone else (not even my family). Even after 77 pounds lost, people don't really seem to notice, so I haven't had to explain it yet.

I would say, don't tell anyone until you are ready to tell them because once you tell them, they can't un-know. know what I mean?

once that cat is out of the bag, it's just out and you can't put it back. I am happy with people not knowing because i didn't want the extra scrutiny, or people watching everything that goes into my mouth and asking me if i should be eating it or not.

the good news is, you won't have to spit wine out at wine tastings. I still drink wine. You will have to watch the nibbling at food tastings, but you should be able to still eat things with ease as long as you chew, chew, chew.

my 6 months bandiversary is coming up in 2 days and I feel pretty great. I still have a very long way to go, but i'm taking it one day at a time and just enjoying the new things that come my way. please feel free to get in touch with me if you need any encouragement.

Oh, you make a really great point there! I *would* be bothered if she didn't tell me.

On the other hand, my mom's best friend's nickname is 'Town Crier' and I really don't trust her to keep the secret. There's a reason I live 600 miles away from home

thanks for the food for thought

jenn

If you are not telling your parents because they will be critical or just not supportive then I think you are doing the right thing...I havent told more than two people because its very personal and I dont want the negative comments.

BUT... if you are not telling them because you want to spare them the worry I'll just say one thing: Would it be ok if they or another family member did the same to you? Like if your Mom was having a small surgery (all surgeries have risk) and didnt want to worry you so didnt tell.

Oh, the dreaded town crier...theres one in or attached to every family! {Proceed with caution...I think I would not tell! Sorry Mom!

My vote is to tell who you want to tell and not be pressured into doing something you do not want to do at this time. This is a private, medical procedure and not everyone needs to know about it. At this point in time, my husband, my doctors and this forum know I have had the surgery. My kids, my parents, my co-workers and my friends do not know, but that could change with time...I get to decide the timing. And to those people that you have shared this information...they need to learn how to respect a confidence (this is their problem to sort out, not yours).

My main reason for not sharing, is the fact that I have failed so many times in the past at losing weight. This is a pretty drastic solution to what most of my friends and family think could be more easily and cheaply sorted out. I disagree with that opinion, but that is my problem to sort out.

I am new here and I am glad that I stumbled across this topic. I am just about to take the seminar and get started in the process. I have been thinking about it for a while, but I feared the stigma of weight loss surgery. I didn't want to even mention the idea to my hubby until recently. He was totally supportive and he even has expressed interest in getting one himself and going through the process together. However, I do not want to tell anyone else, at least for now. I may tell my mom and my best friend...but coworkers and other people are not going to be in that circle. I was wondering if it was normal to not want to tell people...I am glad to hear that there are other people who have decided to keep it a secret too. For those who have been losing weight and have not told people why...what is the story you give if they asked how you lost the weight? Or for those who haven't lost enough for people to ask yet, what do you plan on saying down the road?

There is another lady I work with that just got gastric bypass. She was telling everyone at work about it before hand. I was talking with another coworker about it and this coworker was saying how it was basically a stupid idea that that she would never consider weight loss surgery. This just made it more clear to me that I don't want to tell people at work. I don't want them to look at me and only think "oh, she's the one that got a lap band"...or like mentioned above, judge you for what you are eating. I also worry about people thinking that I "took the easy way out". I know that the lab band is not the easy way out and that you still have to change your lifestyle and eating habits.

Ok, enough ranting. Thanks for bringing up this topic.

i'm keeping my surgery very quiet, too. today after my pre-surgery consult i was thinking, "hey- maybe i'll tell others. what's the big deal?" but reading this post helps remind me why i decided to keep it quiet- i don't want the judgment from others and it's none of their business. one coworker and my boyfriend know exactly what i'm having done and both are, thankfully, very supportive. my boss knows i'm having surgery, but i think he misunderstood and thinks it's lipo, but he at least knows i'm going in for surgery. NONE of my family knows and i don't know if i'll tell them- they're worriers so i definitely am not going to mention it before, but i may tell one or two of them when i visit for the holidays.