First, I apologize to Donali for deleting my posts on the Ortiz thread. I used to have a bad habit of deleting posts, which drove people buggy, but I did it again and deleted myself from the now-famous Ortiz thread. Also, I promised never again to participate in an "LBT war," which is the direction that thread was going. I have to learn to keep certain opinions in the proper place. I'm still a work in progress, I am not perfect.

To me, that thread is nothing but an infomercial with inaccurate information posted only to placate the masses and gain business. But is it really my duty to point out the truth when I see dishonesty? According to too many people my truth is offensive. I opted for a more positive 2006 without all the tension and anxiety so part of what I need to do is to let the "eloquent bullshi*" slide from time to time. This is one of those times.

To those I offended on the other thread, I am sorry. I'm not here to hurt people. Perhaps Jesus believers understand what drives me (so I've been told.) Some of us had a calling, and mine was loud and clear. I have a natural born instinct to protect my friends and family. I'm the scout who goes first to see if it's safe, and I won't let loved ones through till the bad guys are at bay. When I see thorns I rush to clear a path so nobody gets hurt. But it's not an easy roll because sometimes people get trampled in the rush. It's like a real life episode of "LOST" where I've seen and heard things, and I want to warn others, but nobody will listen till it's too late and they finally see it with their own eyes. I can't save the world, and I'm learning that the hard way.

I've had more band related complications and surgeries than most people (there are others who have had it far worse than me.) So far only two of us that eroded (in my circle) have actually lost weight since band removal, while all the others are gaining or struggling to maintain. This scares the crap out of me to the point where I can easily see myself slipping back into anorexic or bulimic behaviors - or worse, 315 Poundland. Is it normal to walk around starving all day instead of having 5 or 10 walnuts to ease the pain? Is it normal to exercise 3 times in one day to get rid of the pound of crap I ate the night before? Is it normal that my weight/food issues keep me from falling asleep at night and then awaken me after only 5 hours of sleep? Is diet-related insomnia normal?

I am not normal. I may never be. I absolutely love what people wrote about me & Penni being welcome and loved at LBT. I won't leave, but I did leave that thread and will start from Square One, one day at a time, trying to avoid wars and conflict and focus instead on the support, love and encouragement I get from my family here.

I don't participate much but read every day.If i could meet you in person i would hug you.Since day one i seek out your posts and want to let you know,you make me smile and i FEEL your energy and love and goodness right here in Ottawa Canada.I love you and feel you are a kindred spirit &Whitelighter!!!.

"To thine own self be true"

Chantal

There's an interesting article in Consumer's Report Magazine this month, comparing the Gastro-Bypass and the Adj Lapband, my secretary picked up the magazine and about fainted when she saw a picture of the band and port. Quite interesting.

Well, a thorough read of my just-released medical records shows that I too was banded with the (no longer preferred) perigastric placement technique. That was common in 2001, and this way was the protocol set by the FDA during the band study when I participated.

Had I realized this - I would have seen if this could have been fixed when I got all my tubing & access port changed surgically in early 2005. So I'm so frustrated!

So, trying to quell my fears that my band is a Ticking Time Bomb, my (hopefully if he doesn't get scared off by the fact that my old surgeon is proctoring him) new WLS surgeon (a RnY specialist who's just perfecting his LapBand technique) has just ordered an immediate (as in tomorrow morning) Upper GI test for me. I think I had my last one in October - but he wants current results that he can interpret himself.

Cross your fingers for me.

I'm in the No Man Land - I'm too fat to be happy at this weight after working so hard, yet just too small enough to no longer qualify for a revision to another form of WLS.

So just sign me:

Between a Rock (too small to have the 35 BMI for a revision) and a Hard Place (a stupid 30 BMI that still leaves me 'obese' by medical standards)

Wish me luck.

Happy Band Journeys to all...