ok I know that I am fat and that is why I had lap band surgery on june 21 2011. I am losing weight to date about 20 lbs I am thrilled but I do not want to leave the house. I know I am large and I am working on my weight/mind issues. i just hate that no one know i am working on it they do not know the struggles I have or the effort I have to put into myself. All they see is a fat person and they make assumptions about me without knowing a thing about me. my family that i live with husband and two kids ages 7 and 2 know how hard i am working but all the other people in my life don't see what i have to do to make progress they just look at me and say or think oh what a waste she is still fat after all the money we spent to pay for the surgery. I know that I cannot let others bring me down or dictate how i feel about me. I just do not want to leave my house and deal with the looks or comments from friends and family or even strangers. I have isolated myself as much as possible before I had the surgery many of my friends and family that have not seen me do not know how big I have gotten.

Wish i could hide away until i lose my weight. Having trouble dealing with my negative thoughts.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I could not speak them

I feel your pain and isolation. What can I say, escept that you can start working on your self esteem a little at a time as you are slowly shrinking. It is part of the journey and you are not alone.

If there is anyway you can afford it, finding a Personal Trainer that will guide you, exercise with you and help you grow as time goes on would be wonderful. Mine would frequently tell me to "Embrace the changes in your body" and after a while it sunk in and I cancelled a very expensive very painful Plastic Surgery.

I wish you the best,

Mimi

Think about this....in less than two (2) months you have lost 20 lbs! thats a reasonable amount of weight to have lost.

The more you get out and walk around / move around the better you will feel and it just might add to your weight loss.

Nothing negative here, however, you may want to consider seeking out some counseling for yourself to assist with your perception of how others see you.

I wish you the best!

How awesome that you have lost 20 lbs already. You are doing great! I'm really proud of you!

Brian

Hey,

Also remember, those that already know how hard you are working and what you are truly accomplishing are the only ones that really matter.

Keep your chin up.

Also, you will be surprised how people you haven't seen in a couple of weeks will notice even 5-10 lbs. Get out there embrace life...isn't that why you did it? Hang in there!

You said "I know that I cannot let others bring me down or dictate how i feel about me. I just do not want to leave my house and deal with the looks or comments from friends and family or even strangers." Though the sentences are contradictory, I believe you mean it when you say "... I cannot let others bring me down ...". You are doing an amazing job losing weight, but, as it is with many of us here, we are hesitant to acknowledge our progress when we feel we have such a long way to go. I don't think you're as concerned about what others think as your are about what you think others think. Know what I mean?

It's time you learn to give yourself a pat on the back -- EVERY DAY! You ARE working hard and it doesn't matter whether others realize it or not. The truth is, people are so busy with their own lives, your life is of little consequence to them. Do you really think that they do not question something about themselves, be it their weight, hair, skin, etc? Of course they do. If they criticize you it is only in the hope that they minimize their own flaws. Don't give them a thought ... I mean that, don't think about them OR what you think they are thinking. LOL!

As my best friend says "Go where you are celebrated!" And for you, that would be right there with your family. Get out and exercise as if you have lost 100 lbs already! You are FABULOUS! CLAIM IT!!!

We all let people "get in our heads" every now and again, just don't let them move in and stay!

YOU are the "master of your fate", and you are doing a damn good job so far!

All the best to you on your journey!

~F

Forget hiding, show off those 20 lbs that are gone! That's a half bag of dog food for our large dogs! That's 2 giant bowling balls...think of the amount that is truly gone rather than trying to "see" it in the mirror or on the scale. You're doing FABULOUS! Show off what you have done and what you are going to continue doing!

If you think those "strangers" are talking about you...give them more to talk about..."Wow, she's looking even better everyday." They're not thinking you're fat (as you say), they're going to notice these changes in a good way. I hope saying this hasn't made you think they are staring at you, but I've had people at work (that I'm not close with at all) telling me that I'm looking really good. I even had one tell me she didn't want to be rude, but "your pants are practically falling off, you look great." So I'm sure they're not telling you how great you're doing because they don't want to upset you. Some people don't take compliments well.

Aside from whatever I can tell you, counseling might be something to look into. If you're unable to stop worrying about it, maybe a counselor could help (or even a support group...maybe even a lapband forum ) Keep up the hard work and show it off. You're doing great!

i just sat down to read all of you wonderful words of inspiration and started to cry. Thank you all for your support. I am so thankful for all of you and this site. I realize i need to find my footing in my new life and self. And when I am feeling down I have all of you here to remind me what is important and what is not worth thinking about. Blessings to all of you.

Teresa

I'll tell you one little secret that makes all the difference. You have to just walk around this world like you own it! I have always been heavy but have always had boyfriends. I'm 248lbs right now and have guys hit on me frequently as well as my BF whos been around for 18 years. I have friends of all ages and types. The trick to getting thru life is self- confidence and not being afraid to laugh at yourself. Try your best to look good everyday. You may not be able to buy smaller clothes but try to make the ones that you have as flattering as possible. Get a hairstyle that always looks great on you and go get a free makeover at a cosmetics counter. And smile and start conversations with people. If your old friends and family are negative you will meet knew people who won't judge you on what you were.

I can definitely relate. I've put on 40 lbs in the past few years, and I've always felt embarrassed about going out in public or seeing people who knew me when I was "smaller" (relative to the size I am now).

I feel like a huge ungraceful elephant compared to the others who are much smaller. I go to the gym now, and I can feel the eyes on me for being the biggest person there. I am afraid that I'm sweaty and smelly at the gym (and think people don't want to be next to the fat girl huffing and puffing on the exercise machine), and that's so embarrassing.

I didn't even want to go to my 5 year high school reunion last month (because of the college weight gain), but I went anyway and had a blast. Granted, there was alcohol involved that took away any self-consciousness and awkwardness, but I'm really glad I went!

Now that I'm getting the band, I hope I will regain some confidence about going in public and being myself (sans alcohol) without being judged.

BTW, 20 lbs lost is a great achievement. That definitely would be a noticeable physical change on you I hope you regain your confidence, because you deserve it!

Everyone is right don't ever worry about what people say about you just try to get pass that because this is for you remember that. If you were a hundred lbs they would talk about you, if ur 300lbs they talk so don't worry about it..people have more issues than weight, some of those same people have things going on that people outside don't know about and to get there mind off there problems they'll focus on someone like you or even me because I'm overweight also but I don't worry about them actually I love to know people are always thinking of me... So get up, fix up, and just get out and enjoy....