Ok, I got banded in October. I just told my best friend about it a month ago. She is now not talking to me she says she is hurt cause I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her because she talked about one of her other friends that had the surgery negatively. So why would I tell her? She may not know it but she was one of the reasons why it took me so long to get the surgery in the first place listening to her. I could kick myself right now, sometimes I see how happy I am and say to myself "Damn I should have done this years ago." But listening to her I didn't. Now she says that I was wrong for not telling her. I think she is a tiny bit jealous, we were both big girls and now I not so big anymore. Have I gotten a big head about this? Or why should I even feel bad, I mean its not like I stole something from her, sleep with her man, or even endangered her life. I did something to myself, me. If I got a tatoo and didn't tell her would it be different, I mean they are permanent too.

The more you describe, the more it sounds like maybe she isn't what I would term a "best friend". You need to surround yourself with people who are supportive and make you happy. Sometimes that means cutting out people in your life who bring you down. Friendship shouldn't be one-sided.

The most important thing is that you have taken a step in the right direction to improve yourself. I congratulate you for that. Everyone on this site is great and we all support each other. I wish you success, happiness and good health.

I hope things work out the way you want them to. If not, I know you will have the strength to move on because you have already shown that you are a very strong person!

Have a great day!

I understand your decision not to tell someone who you thought would not be supportive. This is such a major life decision and we need support through the process. I debated whether or not to tell my mother because she has spoken negatively about WLS. In the end I told her because I thought she needed and had a right to know that I was having surgery just in case something went wrong. Turns out she has been one of my biggest supporters. i guess it's called love! On the other hand, I haven't told most people because this was a medical procedure and therefore personal.

I understand your decision not to tell someone who you thought would not be supportive. This is such a major life decision and we need support through the process. I debated whether or not to tell my mother because she has spoken negatively about WLS. In the end I told her because I thought she needed and had a right to know that I was having surgery just in case something went wrong. Turns out she has been one of my biggest supporters. i guess it's called love! On the other hand, I haven't told most people because this was a medical procedure and therefore personal.

I can relate to the mother thing. I wasn't going to tell my mom..but if something went wrong I know she would be devastated if I hadn't told her...not to mention the fact that I had a spark of hope for her support. Like your mom..she turned out to be my biggest supporter. She even found my surgeon. I'm so glad I took the chance and told her.

I did the same thing when it came to my surgery. I didn't tell a soul. Not my family, my friends or even my best friend. My best friend was probably the hardest because I tell her abolutely everything. She knows more about me then anyone in the world.

I didn't tell them because I live half way across the world and I didn't want anyone to worry or argue with me to not get the surgery.

When I finally told my friend about 8 months later ( and by that time I was bandless again) she was upset that I didn't tell her at first but said she understood why I didn't want to tell her.

Since I did finally tell her and I did this for my health she was glad I was trying my hardest to do something to make myself healthier.

Now I have done other surgeries and I tell her everything and the fact that I kept things from her before are long forgotten.

If a friend had said negative things before about a weight loss surgery etc and you didn't tell them because of that, I would make it clear to that person why you didn't tell them.

I still havent told my family and 98% of my friends because I know their responses will be negative about the surgery and I francally don't want to hear it. Sooner or later I'll tell them tho..... just not yet.

If she was a true best friend, you would have told her a long time ago. Just my opinion. I told my best friends because I know they will support my decision. That being said, they don't always agree with my decisions but they are always respectful and care enough to express their concerns in a caring manner. I have other "friends" I will never tell because they would have something crummy or critical to express. My advice: find friends who love you, respect you and care enough to really listen.