I'm hoping to be banded sometime in July/August. I haven't told anyone about the surgery except my husband and my mother. I haven't even told me sister, who is skinny and who I'm really close. I have a lot of apprehensions about telling anyone because I think they would judge me later. What do you think?

• Who did you guys tell?
  

• What are you regrets about not telling?
  

• What are your regrets about telling?
  

• What's the purpose of telling?
  

• Should I wait for results then tell?
  

• Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them?
  
  

Edited June 28, 201016 yr by losethemess

I havent even been banded yet and this has already become drama!

Who did you guys tell?

--I told my husband, mom, sister, and one friend at school. I trust ALL of those people but one thing led to another and now everyone in my class knows (8 of us) and my whole immediate family knows. Its not a huge deal, they are all people I am pretty close to, but it was not my plan

What are you regrets about not telling?

--So far, there is only one person that I considered telling and didnt and that is my best friend. I feel a little guilty not telling her but I want to wait until after the surgery because I just dont want her to worry about me

What are your regrets about telling?

--I was suprised at how much these people broke my trust, I NEVER would have expected it, we are really close, but it got blurted out and now more people know than i would care for, but its still a relatively small circle of people, so Im not too too upset about it.

What's the purpose of telling?

--Well I told people bc its something HUGE in my life right now and its hard not to want to talk about it. I was also hoping for some support

Should I wait for results then tell?

--Looking back, I would have probably only told my husband and mom and sworn them to secrecy. Other than them, I probably would have not told anyone, even after results.

Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them?

-- I have not been banded yet, so cant answer.

lose the mess- the best advice I can give you is if you have apprehension about whether to tell or not - don't. If you don't want to be judged - don't put it out there. But when 1 person knows, word travels fast. So, that being said, if you want your journey to be yours alone, keep it private. If you don't want the questions, scrutiny, people checking out what you are eating, well-meaning but back-handed comments (on one hand) or if you would want the support and comfort of family and friends (on the other) - then weigh the pros and cons for YOU.

Nobody will understand what you are going thru as well as other bandsters. And sad to say there still is a stigma to having any type of weight loss surgery and people that don't have food issues may not understand there is a whole other aspect to losing the weight than being banded.

In the end - you have to do what it right for you.

Emjay is right, if you tell even one person, be prepared for others to find out. Then, you have to deal with "why didn't you tell ME?" I tell everyone, because frankly, I don't care what people think. Do some soul searching and decide why you don't want to tell. Is it because people will judge you? They will judge anyway. Whatever decision you make, just make certain you are comfortable with it, because it is your choice and you will be the one that it affects.

people judge regardless of how close u r to them!!

My husband is my biggest supporter!

I told my two sisters--no judgement--they are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders!!

My mom doesn't know. she is old school and she wouldnt understand. She lives in another state so no problem keeping it from her. We are very close but a little weight in your 40's to her is no big deal...it's where we should be...HA!!

We also told a neighbor and one of our closest friends because we needed their support to help with our children while I was in hospital. Both very supportive and wouldnt tell a soul.

It was a better decision for me at this time. No regrets at all! One friend who is very judgmental actually found out I was in hospital but I told her I had hernia surgery which wasn't a lie at all since they fixed my haietal hernia.

If you don't feel comfortable telling and you want to keep this to yourself, it's your decision!!

I told my husband...gonna be the Star Jones of Alabama!! HEheheheh:thumbup:

I for the most part decided not to tell anyone. My husband of course knows, I told my best friend (who was judgemental, but kept it to herself for the most part) and one lady I know who just has it done herself. They have not said a word to anyone. I didn't even tell my own kids, as far as they know I went in for a hernia repair which was the truth. I don't want to deal with others opinions of the surgery. I know lots of people don't understand the surgery as they haven't researched it to death like we have....so I am doing it for me and that is all that matters

I pretty much tell everyone. I've gone through life beleiving that if a person is going to judge me then so be it. I am not in this world for anyone else but myself. If this is the way that I chose to lose weight, then let them think that I took the "easy way out". Only those that have had the lapband surgery know full well that there is NO EASY thing about this procedure. The world is cruel and unfortunately if it's not your choice of weightloss that people judge you by it's always something else.

It's a persons choice whether to tell or not. No one can tell you who you should tell or even if you should tell at all. That comes from your own heart.

This surgery saved my life. Weight Watchers and South Beach Diet didn't save my life. So my choice is to share my success with others.

• Who did you guys tell?
  

I have told everyone close to me (family & friends) and they have given me nothing but support!! I love when I reach mini goals because I send out a text letting them know and I get such positive responses back and it's a great feeling knowing they are behind me 100% and are proud of me.

• What are you regrets about not telling?
  

I haven't kept this from anyone..I did think about keeping it from my mom and then surprising her the next time I went home to visit her but I just couldn't keep it from her, I wanted to be able to share each goal I had set for myself with her.

• What are your regrets about telling?
  

I have none...

• What's the purpose of telling?
  

The support. It's been wonderful!!

• Should I wait for results then tell?
  

That is a personal choice. I love the fact that I am able to share the little results with everyone.

• Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them?
  
  

Yes and if they ask I tell them...I have nothing to hide.....I am proud of what I did!!

I told my mother and my younger sister. And two of my friends I regret telling my family as they were very unsupportive and are now jealous of my weight loss. My two friends don't even mention it, which is good for me.

• I have been doing research on being banded since June of 2007. I had to wait till I obtained insurance Finally in October of 2009 I did and scheduled surgery for 1/05/2010. At first I told everybody. Daughter and mom were against it. Mother kept e-mailing me about 10 new recipes per day and telling me I could not eat any of these things any more. And asking me to bake for her. I received a lot of negitivity from them including dying. Sister-in-law and neice were behind me. Best friend of about 16 years I did not tell. I could not go through with it.
  

Who did you guys tell?

This time I told my daughter first that this will save my life and she is behind me. Sister-in-law and neice just want to know what they can do for me and want to help. I had to tell my mother as we don't keep secrets or lie. I told her a week after I had my date that I would have a hernia repair and put in the band. I also said If you have anything bad to say don't say it please keep it to your self. She said nothing, but seems to be adjusting. Best friend not telling till we see each other after surgery not sure of her reaction.

I am doing this for me not for anyone else.

I'm hoping to be banded sometime in July/August. and I haven't told anyone except my husband and my mother and the surgery. I haven't even told me sister (skinny) who I'm really close with. I have a ot of apprehensions about telling anyone who will undoubtedly judge me later. What do you think?

• Who did you guys tell?
  

• What are you regrets about not telling?
  

• What are your regrets about telling?
  

• What's the purpose of telling?
  

• Should I wait for results then tell?
  

• Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them?
  
  

I did not tell anyone. My mother has always made fun of me about my weight (she's skinny) and I just did not want anyone to judge me. I told people I was seeing a nutritionalist to help me with my weight. The surgeon who did my surgery also offered diet plans for people who did not want the surgery, so I was actually lying to them. So when I would go to eat with friends I would explain that my nutritionalist has me eating slower and taking smaller bites. I explain that it isn't good to eat so fast that you end up eating more if you eat fast, so I am training myself to eat slower. I have not had one person question it. Then they are amazed how much control I have to push away my plate when it is still full. THe first 5 months after my surgery I was not able to eat with anyone. Not even my family. (I did not tell my kids about the surgery either. Only my husband and best friend) I explained to the kids that mom was on a diet and it is easier if I eat by myself. That way I wasn't forced to eat fast with everyone else.

I will tell you, now that I am two years out of my surgery and have met my goal, I wish I had just told everyone. Now I really can't go back on it, because they would be mad at the story I told about seeing a nutritionalist. Now that I am skinny, I would not care if they judge me....because I am free of all my fat. But I know why I did it in the beginning, and it was because I was insecure due to my weight.

I hope my story has helped.

I have only told 3 people, my daughter - and that is only since she lives with me - my best friend and one other friend. I don't have any intentions on telling anyone else. I did this for me and for me only and it is no one's business.

When anyone asks how I am losing weight - I laugh and tell them I found this new fad diet - you eat less and exercise more - which is exactly what I am doing. People just laugh and that is the end of it.

A funny little story - a work friend challenged me to a 6 month weight loss contest a few days before I was banded. Maybe it is cheating on my part not to tell her but it sure is keeping her motivated to keep going and keep up with me. She does not have as much to lose so I figure there is no harm in not telling her if it is helping her too. I may tell her in the end.

:scared2:

Who did you guys tell?

Pretty much everyone except I did not post it on my Facebook status. But, I'm thinking I might do that when I reach goal.

What are you regrets about not telling?

Not applicable.

What are your regrets about telling?

Pre-surgery, I realized I may be telling too many people when I started getting a lot of stories about people who 'failed' w/WLS. A lot of these 'failures' were people who lost a huge amount of weight and then gained back some (like Carnie Wilson). I don't consider that a 'failure' anyway. Maybe not ideal, but not a failure either.

What's the purpose of telling?

I told because I am a really open person. Every person who knows me knows I have struggled w/my weight and gone up and down many many times. I've talked about every diet I've ever been on and been on some sort of a diet probably 75%+ of my adult life. I wanted to talk about it and, honestly, I would feel really weird if I didn't. It is a big part of my life right now and I enjoy sharing about it w/others. I also want people to better understand the challenge of obesity and that sometimes its not as simple as just changing diet and exercise to overcome it.

Should I wait for results then tell?

You should do what you are comfortable with.

Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them?

Nobody would be able to tell by how I eat. I can still eat a big salad and most foods. For the things I can't/don't eat, my friends would just think I was on another diet if I wanted to keep my surgery a secret (since I was always on a diet before).

The only other thing I would add, though, is that I was really surprised that EVERYONE has been SO supportive through this. I was worried that my inlaws might not be, but they've been some of my biggest supporters (sometimes better than my own husband! LOL). On the other hand, if you have any doubts at all, there's no harm in waiting it out a bit. One thing that someone else wrote on this forum before is that you can never UNTELL. So, be sure you are comfortable and confident first and then tell if you want to. But, if you aren't sure, then don't. You can always tell later.

• Who did you guys tell? At first, I only told the people closest to me, my husband, my mom, my mother in law, and a few other family members. I worked at a doctor's office at the time and I didn't tell any of the people I worked with I was having it because they were all so dramatic and judgemental. After I started losing, people would ask me how I was doing it. I didn't want to lie, so I did tell a few people the truth. But I never did tell my coworkers. I worked there for a year after my surgery and they never knew.
  
• What are you regrets about not telling? I don't have any regrets about not telling my coworkers. I'm glad I never told them.
  
  
• What are your regrets about telling? I don't have any regrets.
  
  
• What's the purpose of telling? I told the people closest to me because I needed their support. If I knew people who weren't going to be supportive, then I didn't tell them.
  
  
• Should I wait for results then tell? That's up to you. While I don't think you necessarily have to tell everyone you know, maybe you should tell some people just for their support. Like someone else says, people judge no matter what. I tell anyone who asks now that I had the surgery. But I can understand not telling in the beginning.
  

Are you able to eat in front of people without having to explain your eating habits? What do you say to explain them? Most of the time I can eat in front of people without explaining anything. The question I get asked about most often is why I don't eat bread. I just tell them I don't want to eat it. It is harder in the beginning eating in front of people. I would just tell them I was trying to lose weight, which wasn't a lie. Most people are usually on some type of diet anyway, so no one really thinks any different.

Edited June 28, 201016 yr by Carrie_C

I told quite a few people, I figured I could use all the support I could get. Boy was I wrong, the response was mixed. Some of the people I thought would be the most supportive turned to be the most negative and the least understanding. (Including my mom) She has since seen the bigger picture and has become one of the most supportive now.

I think only you know the people in your life and whether you would want their support or not. Just keep in mind it could go either way so be prepared for their reaction whichever it is.

I only told my husband... I didn't want ANYONE at working knowing, so my doctor wrote on plain prescriptions for my FMLA paperwork. I am happy with this choice. I like talking to people on here and my dr has a support group on Thursdays. I really don't feel the need to confide in someone who really doesnt understand what I'm going thru, ya know? Best Wishes on your upcoming surgery :scared2: