Well I read the material and listened, but I just didn't think it was possible...some people are more comfortable around me as a fat person.

I've recently been banded and so far I've lost about 37 lbs (pre and post op diets). I was out the other night and a close friend made mention of my weight. At first it was very nice...wow Teesh you look awesome, you've lost ....I can tell. But then they went on to say how my attitude had changed and I thought I was all that. Don't forget where you came from...don't forget you used to be fat!!

What in the world!!! I thought to myself...but you know what....I spoke up and said "I will never forget where I came from...I feel good about my weight loss and each time I drop my outfits and personality are going to reflect the new found confidence....I am not staying fat for you or anyone else."

So I just wanted to post that little short to let you all know that it's true...everyone's not going to be happy for you as you lose. Some folks are going to think you're being conceted and stuck up when you start branching out with new clothes and confidence. But don't let it get to you...you don't owe anyone anything but yourself. I've realized, this journey is about me and all that I can squeeze out of my short time here on earth. I want to be healthy and look great, I want kids and a fulfilled life...NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW.

Good luck on your journey.

Change is scary for people---no matter what the change is. (If you're honest with yourself, you will admit that your attitude HAS changed; you're eating differently, interacting socially differently--because of your new relationship with food--and so on. It's not BAD---but it is a change.)

Give it time. They'll figure out you're still you, and not so scary after all!

If they don't, f*ck 'em. You know the saying: with friends like that, who needs enemies?

People never cease to amaze me. I have to mentally prepare myself for strange reactions as the weight comes off. It is so important to have people around you who support you. My Mom is amazing, and I have a few close buddies who love me no matter what my weight is. But inevitably, I know some people are going to have to go. So, I'm going to be dropping some extra weight in the form of false friends. :tongue_smilie:

Losing weight is a really great FRIEND DETECTOR. Use it wisely! :tongue_smilie:

This is such a sensitive subject. Especially when it is family and loved ones who change on you and seem to resent your weight loss and say things to belittle you and make you doubt yourself.

Mimi

Losing weight is a really great FRIEND DETECTOR. Use it wisely! :tongue_smilie:

This couldn't be more true, Stacy. I have a friend that is a little bigger than I was when I started this journey and I no longer even hear from her. I'm not sure if it just hurts her feelings or makes her feel like she is failing in some way or she is just plain jealous, but I couldn't agree more that this is a friend detector.

It's really sad because this particular friend and I used to be close and while I know she is ultra-competitive, I thought that didn't include me or things I'm doing.

I am not letting anyone stop me. It's more motivation :-)! :cool2:

I have not found this yet. But I still have not lost that much weight. I guess you will find out who your true friends are with time. Besty hit the nail on the head. You have and will change with this great new lifestyle. Those that truly love you will go through that change with you. Those that don't weren't worth it to begin with. Best wishes...

Betsy, I've never seen you be so blunt......I LIKE IT!:tongue_smilie:

I found this to be very true when I lost 80 pounds 12 years ago on Phen Fen.... Everyone said I was Not the same jolly person they knew blah blah blah.... Prior to the weight loss I was the one who cooked for and fed everyone and afterwards, I stopped because I didn't want food to be the main focus of my day all the time.... And Yeah, my attitude did change as well. I had a ton of self confidance and was the mealy mouthed let everyone walk over me person I was before.... I guess people didn't like me standing up for myself and saying no to their millions of requests to babysit and host every get together.... I was no longer the Jolly floormat and I was happy... And that made them dislike me...

But my happiness faded as my marriage got WORSE due to my weight loss and my husbands own low self confidance and self esteem issues so I put the weight back on and became the floormat again... This time, I've ditched the husband and those old friends and am surrounding myself with positive people and again finding my self confidance...

the week after my surgery, my ONLY friend lol came over every day telling me of other people who had this surgery who have failed and are big and fat again. she finally stopped. I was just thinking we will probably not be friends for long if i loose, I have always been a size or 2 bigger than her. and she has admitted to feeling "pissy" when i loose weight. she has also seemed pissy when i quit smoking.

also, i know someone who had the bypass, lost like 100lbs, gained some back, and was very jealous of a co-worker with the lapband doing very well. so even people in our own shoes can be jealous. so sad. I hope i don't end up friendless...

This is sooo true! I have a friend / former coworker who has actually succeeded in sabotaging every diet I've tried in the last 4 years. She's only about 25 lbs lighter than me, but I guess I was her "fat friend," and she didn't want to lose that security that she felt not being the biggest one in the room.

Now that I'm no longer working with her, it's a lot easier for me to stay on track and not let her negativity affect my future!! I'm taking my life back for ME!!!

The truth is....I am not the same person I used to be. I used to be very outgoing, athletic, and the life of every party. When I got fat, I turned inward, and became shy and insecure. And I sincerely hope to God, that my personality is affected by my weight loss. And if she can't deal with it, then she needs to go along her merry way...

You've probably already seen this floating around via email, but I found it appropriate here...sorry for the length.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

You know what irratates me is how many people BLAME their weight gain on me.... I love to cook and all my friends know this... They will call up and say, "what's for Dinner/ I'm coming over"... Or when they come to visit they will raid the cookie jar I keep stocked for my BF and take baggies home with them.... I don't twist peoples arms or insist they eat the food I prepare... Yet, when we hang out with other friends or go places they say, "it's all Jennifers fault I'm fat.. Or It's all Jennifers fault I gained 15 pounds last year"

My one GF who does know about the surgery is notorious for this and we had actually not even talked for months last year due to my busy work schedule and her divorce and move to the other side of town and she still tells people this... She's blaming her weight gain from 2 + years ago on me when I hardly even see her anymore... I probably saw her 5 or 6 times all of last year and most of that was Post op since I stayed at her house for 3 or 4 days to recover so my BF wouldn't know I had surgery...

It really irks me that she does this... She is still thinner than me but won't be for long and I think she always wanted to be the thinnest/prettiest one of the group and is getting nervous about me getting close to her weight so she says it even more now that I am not super huger than her anymore and she feels the need to justify her own size which is more noticable with me getting smaller...

I have to learn how to tactfully deal with these situations....

I didn't tell any of my husbands family I was getting banded. His oldest daughter is a doctor, and I knew what she would say about me going to a mexican doc. I still haven't decided if I ever will tell them. My kids know, and of course my husband, and I am starting to tell people who have noticed my weight loss. We lost our house this year also, so it is hard for me to figure out how to justify surgery. I haven't had to yet, so I guess when the time comes, I will say it is easier to get a medical loan than a loan to make house payments. I have no regrets what so ever, and if I had it to do again, I would do it in a heart beat. I will tell my brothers someday but still don't know about DH's family.... Oh well ........ I will cross those bridges later...... LOL!!!

At my highest weight I weighed 312 pounds. I've lost around 95 lbs from my top and a size 2 co-worker (I'm a size 14/16 depending on clothes) goes "how much more weight do you want to lose?" And I answered and she goes "well don't get too skinny, you don't want to look bad." Umm, excuse me Miss Size 2... I know she didn't mean it in a bad way (well, I hope not at least) but still... you're telling me not to get too skinny and you're TINY! It's amazing to me sometimes what pops out of peoples mouths. I understand that I am way smaller than I used to be, but I'm still larger than "average".

So many people say "don't lose too much weight" but I don't understand why they are so opposed to us striving to reach our ideal weights...

I had someone say a similar thing to me today!! She was also thin. I thought to myself, wow it is starting already. I told her how much more I wanted to lose, and she said "No you will be much too skinny" I was laughing inside, but I told her I would take it 5lbs at a time and decide with my Doctor. She seemed happier with that. I am sure it is only the beginning!! Oh well!!! I just choose to be amused!!!

Oh, its sooooo true. I flew under the radar all my life. I'm not butt ugly, but I'm not gorgeous either. I've never been thin, never had a "good figure" but I've never been so fat that people notice either, a BMI of 35 was my top, my I cant take it anymore weight, most of my life I hovered around the 28 mark, never obese, merely overweight.

Like that - kinda normal fat, kinda normal looking, no thread to anyone, my looks, my weight, my wardrobe NEVER threatened anyone or occasioned any comment at all. I was always just taken at face value.

Nowadays, I find I'm either automatically in the "in" group because I look "right" (and that offends me because I'm still the same person) or I get outright hostility from heavier people and barbed remarks about my weight, my diet, my exercise habits or just veiled exclusion from the groups of overweight, out of shape mothers if the friends of my kids.

Edited February 24, 201016 yr by Jachut