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I feel like a huge disaster I let down myself and im disgusted.
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zobee 10 posts
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ashleyb 8 posts
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lisaluvsgreys 3 posts
Well where to start. Had my sugery in March of 09. And since July i haven't lost any weight. I totally 100% know it's my fault and i hate myself for it. My husband is in Iraq and is coming home Sometime in April we think and i feel like i should have done SOOOO much better. He's gonna come home to me and i'm gonna look the same! No i did not do this for him, but i remember b-4 surgery and right after we were both so excited and looking forward to next year bc i was gonna be thinner and healthier. And im not. i was 208 surgery day and I'm around 196. wtf is that. I'm so disgusted with myself. I'm on fill #7 and i have NO restriction at all. On like fill #4 i was filled too tight and couldn't eat or drink anything and the next day i had an unfill of .25cc and it was a huge difference and the doc was like well you prolly wont need any more fills since this one was too tight. And now Im on #7 idk how that is. He thought maybe i had a leak but i dont cause i should have 8cc in there and he was able to take out 6cc he said there should always be 2cc in there so he said it wasn't leaking. But im just lost. SO far lost. I work full time go to school on line and have a 3yr old son with no help. It's killing me. And my self esteem. I never see me getting thin and healthy. I need to be kicked in the ass or something idk what it's gonna take. I have a friend that was the same size as me and both our husbands are deployed well she moved away and like 5 month's later i find out she's like a size 8 and i'm like how did you do that and she said Oh i just stopped eating so much! WOW i wish i could do that. Like why can't I??? How is a cheese curl stronger then me. Or Why am i eating when my stomach isn't growling??? WTF is wrong with me! where is my strength and will power! how can i find it?