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A blog by Marisa46 in General

  • Entries

    20

  • Comments

    56

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    7,800

About this blog

This is a huge life changing event. It's scary but it's necessary

Entries in this blog

Happy Although Imperfect

I won't lie to anyone it is hard work trying to live with out food as my crutch and sometimes (even with the surgery) I fall short of my ideal behavior when it comes to food. There are people who have told me that I've taken the easy way out. I disagree with them but I don't waste my breath arguing with them anymore. Even with the surgery I still have to closely monitor what I eat and be more active. The surgery has given me the help I need to lose weight but it doesn't mean that I woke up f

So Far So Good

I haven’t blogged in a while…fortunately my silence hasn’t been because of anything horrible. I’ve just been adjusting to normal life and the adjustment period is full of surprises.   The major surprise has been that I’m lactose intolerant now. I never had a problem with dairy before my surgery so the problem knocked me for a loop (literally). I don’t normally drink milk, but one day I decided I wanted an iced mocha; the line at the Starbucks was too long so I decided to try the 7 Eleven “

Love And Other Misunderstandings

So, I'm mad at my brother Kevin and in response to being mad I stuff 2 chicken nuggets down my mouth quickly. Stuffing my face made me sick (nausea and heartburn). Having to face issues directly is such a pain in the ass but I'm going to have to learn how to feel angry with out hurting myself.   Somehow, writing about my struggle with my emotions in this blog helps me to understand my destructive behavior. Maybe understanding how stuffing my face is harmful to me now will help me correct th

I Miss Food

OK, it has been 20 days since my surgery (REALLY???!!!!) My physical problems have been minor issues that develop when I DON'T follow the rules (i.e. although you may with effort make any food mushy, it's best not to push the envelope too far).   My primary problems are all in my head. I'm not hungry even though I average maybe 650 calories a day. I don't have a taste for anything now that the liquid stage is over and I'm on soft foods. I'm grateful for not being physically hungry and no

Post Surgery Day 1

The surgery itself went well; unfortunately, I was held hostage until I could pee on my own   My surgery was at 10:30 AM Monday. Really the pain was light and I was only dimly aware of the pain from the incisions in the recovery room. What bothered me in recovery was a very sore throat and dry mouth; the nurses on Dr on staff made sure that I was given something to help me with it right away. I didn't get transfered to the floor until late (around 9:30 PM ). Walking was easy, I took a walk a

Monday Morning Sleeve

This is actually the first day that I've been aprehensive and scared about having the surgery. It's strange but there it is. I asked myself if I wanted to call it off. My answer to myself from my heart was that I won't live my life without. Honestly, I feel like all of this fat is burying me. I don't want to live my life in bed and that seems to be where I'm headed if I don't have the surgery. I know I'm going to have physical pain. I know that my emotions are probably going to see saw.

Counting Down

OK, my surgery is Monday the 18th! 3 days away! I'm excited and tired right now. I keep wanting to have a farewell to food party, but I'm much better off doing what I'm supposed to.   Am I prepared? Yes and no. I am prepared to have the surgery and I have no second thoughts about whether having the surgery is a good idea. But my surgery date came so quick, I don't think I'm completely prepared for post surgery. One of my faults is I don't like to wing it. Fortunately, the program at UM

Tiny Violins

In high school, my friend Shelley used to imitate the world's smallest violin with her thumb and forefinger whenever I or one of my other friends were whining about something. I feel so stupid because this liquid diet does suck but it is supposed to suck so I shouldn't complain! But I am. Constantly.   It's not just wanting to eat, but it's the diminished capacity too. The last 2 days I've misplaced my glasses and my Ipod (which still hasn't shown up) and everytime I start a chore I find

Omg! June 18Th!

Yesterday, I received a call from my Doctor's office with a date for my surgery. It's a good month before I thought I would be able to have it done. The date is June 18th. As of last night I'm on a liver shrinking diet. The diet sucks. Would it really be so bad if I just put a pork chop in my mouth and sucked on it? Or if I puree mashed potatoes and gravy (I could even add protein powder!)   I just keep repeating my mantra "Please God help me to be strong I really want this to work.

Still Waiting

I am still waiting for a date. It's kind of nerve wracking because I feel like my life is in limbo until the surgery is approved. I just keep telling myself that all of my tests were as expected with no big surprises (I did have a minor infection but 3 days of antibiotics got rid of it). I know I have to be positive but it's weird. I tell myself everything is going to be fine and then a little voice in my head goes 'what if such and such'.   It's 4:26 PM so it is unlikely that my call is

Wednesdays

I had my first psycho therapy session in over a month. I usually schedule the sessions on Wednesday afternoons because I telecommute that day. Unfortunately scheduling conflicts occured with all of the pre surgery doctor visits. I'm wondering now if one of the reasons that I am so down these days is that I haven't talked through my issues.   I honestly think exploring why and how I eat was a very good decision on my part. My therapist has had WLS fairly recently so she can understand whe

Wait And See

I have done all of my tests. I'm not sure what comes next. Will the surgeon call me for an appointment before he submits the paperwork? I guess it's not so bad. I know who will be reviewing my paperwork at the insurance company (everyone on the bariatric program is assigned a case officer). I have absolutely no control over how long this part of the process will take.   So while I'm playing the waiting game, I have been trying to practice some of the lifestyle changes that I will need t

A Coke And A Smile

One key stroke and I lost everything I wrote! I forgot to save as I was typing. Oh well, I was just explaining how I realize that today I may be drinking my last coca-cola forever. I only drink cokes when things rub me the wrong way at work (it's the equivalent of the old 3 martini lunch for me)   Fortunately, this doesn't happen often. I haven't had a coke since January. Now, unless I'm going to start going through a rough patch at work I may (cross my fingers) be sleeved by my next b

The Easy Way....

Weight loss surgery is the easy way out....I'm shaking my head and laughing as I type that. I honestly think that some people believe that surgery is a magic wand. Once the surgery is over I will be thin with no effort.   , raspberries, that's all I can say to that. I have been poked and prodded so much this past month. I usually only see a doctor a few times a year for an annual and BP follow up. All of these doctor visits are difficult because it's not just one doctor, it's many differ

Asking For Help

I am in a weird place right now. Emotionally strange territory for me; I'm preparing for the surgery with all of the diagnostic tests; but I don't have a date for the surgery. I'm in this I'm pretty sure things are on track but I can't be entirely certain. Sort of an emotional no man's land. I'm not sure if I should be excited or apprehensive and I'm frequently both emotions at the same time.   Wednesday is my endoscopy; I'm arranging for a ride to and from the hospital. I thought I would

Forward March!

Yesterday was a major day in advancing my surgery goals. I got another Cardiologist; I just couldn't see myself continuing a professional relationship with someone who obviously has no respect for me. When I go to a doctor I go for a reason--a very specific reason. I don't go for opinions on my life (unless it's my therapist of course)!   Anyway, my insurance company encouraged me to find another specialist in the network after that if I wasn't comfortable; the rep even said I could go to

Seems Fair

I talked to my insurance company. If I go to another cardiologist my insurance will consider a 2nd opinion follow up. Actually the rep encouraged me to go to another doctor. Evidently, the insurance company has been getting a rash of claims for a new and very expensive cardiac diagnostic test. I was a little worried because I don't know anything about medical tests and I don't want to get stuck paying for a test they won't cover. The rep told me to simply get the medical billing code for th

Cardiologist Distress

The medical profession amazes me. Some of those doctors! They feel they have the right to give an opinion on things that have nothing to do with why I'm there. I love questions like "no children? Whose idea was that?" I had hoped that I would only need one cardiology visit to get cleared for surgery. The doctor feels that I should have a stress test even though my other tests are normal. "At your weight ...."   I am just going to take a few deep breaths. I have an appointment with my

Miles To Go

Yesterday, I had my first appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Lo Menza, in Baltimore, MD. I was still nervous and excited. I thought that on the whole the appointment went well; the only damper on the visit is that I don't like the Nutritionist!   I swear she spent 15 minutes telling me that my diet documentation was unacceptable. I explained to her that the INSURANCE COMPANY had already approved it (the nurse assigned to my case asked for it right away because if it wasn't acceptable then a

Beginnings

Every ending is a beginning...endings are hard...change is difficult...so why do we change?     I have a tendency to over think things but I can't stop thinking that I'm experiencing a beginning and an ending at the same time. I’m beginning a more sane controlled relationship with food, and I’m ending my relationship to food as my toxic and nourishing best friend.   I have my first appointment this Wednesday, April 4. I am scared, excited, happy, and worried. I worry that I will f

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